MIL obsessed with charity shops, Aibu?

I thought that too. In particular, underwear at all is very unusual. But, as I said, it’s a MIL. There are probably special shops just for them.

I would assign your DH the job of donating anything which is unneeded back to the charity shops. Hopefully that will prompt him to speak to his Mum about the amount of stuff she's buying.

Why is it always the MUM who has to fight these battles?
This is your mother in LAW- so where is your husband in this?
They are his kids too!

I think you need to woman-up @AlwaysHopefull89 and be honest.

If your husband won't discuss this with his mum, then you have to.
Tell her, kindly, that your child doesn't need any more clothes at the moment, thank you.

You might also say when it comes to her birthday, you are going to give everyone a 'wish list' so they don't buy things she already has.

I love charity shops and second hand. But generally I buy for myself, very rarely will I buy second hand for somebody else (unless they share my affinity!). Or if I see something I'll ask and not be offended if they decline.

I'm sure this will have been said already so apologies for not reading every post but life is short and the thread is long.

You are talking about your husband / partner's mother, yes? In that case, and assuming he's still present in your life, then I think it's his job to have a word with his mum, and to keep on doing so until she gets the message. As far as I'm concerned, he's the one to complain about.

She’s having extraordinarily bad luck with charity shops if she’s purchasing things that are dirty, that smell of smoke, and used underwear.

How odd.

She’s having extraordinarily bad luck with charity shops if she’s purchasing things that are dirty, that smell of smoke, and used underwear.

How odd.

I can't imagine having the time or inclination to trawl round to find whatever you need, in your size.

If I need, say, some black work trousers in a size 16 long, it's bad enough finding them new in a shop, let alone amongst random charity shop donations. I'd expect that people who really do 'buy all their clothes in a charity shop' regard it as a hobby that they're happy to donate a lot of time to.

I do buy some things on Vinted, but only after I've tried the item on in a shop but they don't have the size/colour I want. I'd never buy anything on spec as the chances of it fitting and suiting me are low, so more than likely it's going to be money wasted, given that it's going to cost to send it back, if that's even an option.

I don’t know anyone in real life who buys all their clothes from charity shops. Just about everyone on here claims to! Weird.

I think I buy about 95% of my clothes from charity shops as I couldn’t afford those brands new, never seen underwear in any of them.

Good! Though your partner should be the one dealing with it by the way.

I've got a relative who does this. The thrill of buying something is the bit they enjoy. Then they pass on the shit to me. It's really annoying, I end up redonating or binning, it just gives me a chore.

“Kind of you but we haven’t got anymore storage space. Can you restrict to birthday and Xmas?”. Add a smile.

Repeat, rinse, repeat - every time she tries.

If she's buying her other grandchildren new items, but secondhand smelly stuff for you and your DD, it sounds passive aggressive. Especially as she sells on the better items she picks up, rather than give them to you.

I can almost imagine her gleefully picking up crap and imagining handing that to you, instead of an insult.

Not much you can do, but re-donate and wait for the inheritance.

Our local shops very rarely take items, you have to keep ringing round the lot of them daily to work out which of them are taking and then parking is difficult etc. I tend to use the textile bins in recycling areas, although that means another drive out. Ive had bags of donations in my car for weeks at a time waiting for any one of them to say they're taking donations again

Irrelevant. I'd think the same if it was her own DM, DSis or lifelong best friend.

There's 2 types of people in this world. Those who like buying stuff and people who are desperately trying to get rid of a seemingly relentless mountain of stuff that they constantly feel stressed by. Why should the people who like buying stuff and imposing it on others be the ones to have it their way?

Of course you’re not being unreasonable-you’re talking about a mother in law!

i have a family member like this, every birthday/Christmas is Barbie’s with tangled hair or toys with bits missing. I love charity shops and would gladly let my DC buy tangled hair Barbie, but as a present it’s a bit stingy. Especially if you know they’re rolling in it!

the worst part is I have to be careful where I donate toys/clothes as she will try and buy then again!

I get what you mean OP, charity shopping is fine and a great way to recycle, but I do think some people get a bit obsessed with it.

I have a friend who would visit charity shops every day when her children were small and buy mountains of tat. She'd look up the new price and wax lyrical about how much she'd "saved". She didn't need most of this stuff, her house was full of clutter and her kids rarely played with it all. She just didn't get that it wasn't a saving if if wasn't something you'd buy anyway. She was mad over car boot sales as well.

Not a generational thing for her, she was late 20s / early 30s at the time. However, she did grow up without a lot of money so I wonder if it was a mindset from a young age, even though she was much better off by this point.

are you sure she is not buying on auction
you can buy all sorts of crap

I think some charity shops are better than others. I used to buy lots of bits in them when my children were younger, but began to find some were upping their prices so any 'bargains' weren't so much of a bargain and the charity shops that are generally the cheaper ones do have items that are not properly checked (so toys I bought had missing pieces, there were stains on some clothing items).

I think you do need to be firm with MIL and tell her you don't want these items. If she doesn't speak to you for 2 weeks or whatever that is her problem.

That's her problem, not yours.

Especially if she's already been told but has continued to do the same thing - she knows!

You need to tell her again that it's too much stuff and you don't need it, especially if it's broken, marked or smells. It's only a bargain or good for the environment if you actually use it.

There's no other way this is getting resolved. You have to tell her how you feel.

We had a friend of the family who did this. She wasn’t poor and she wasn’t the slightest bit concerned about the environment. You end up with some manky old tat and another job to do as you have to take it back to the charity shop. I do buy books and Lego from charity shops but charity shop stuff has to be selected yourself.

The best Christmas years ago when my then two year old was all second hand clean toys from us! She loved them. The saddest think I witnessed was a mum who had to work away a lot and compensated by giving her child so many gifts almost as tall as the child aged five. Not a nice child very spoilt.

It varies massively.

Where I live we have several charity shops that operate for local charities. One has a shop that exclusively sells bridal/evening wear and a small shop that exclusively sells books. Those have amazing stuff in great condition at super reasonable prices. I’ve had a ballgown and matching shoes/purse/wrap from there for £35 that would have cost £2-300 new. We also have several that get some gorgeous stuff. I’ve had new or fab condition dresses, coats, skirts and jumpers from chain stores like M&S, Next, designers at Debenhams, Zara and similar as well as supermarkets. Branded joggers, thermals, football/rugby boots or trainers that look as if they’ve barely been worn for the kids. We’ve picked up Lego, Barbie’s, fabrics to make dolls clothes, crafting stuff, wool off-casts for crocheting & even some really cool stuff like an old 1980s sylvanian family house with all the furniture and a Lego board game no longer in the shops.
On the flip side several have very little that isn’t super worn or have nice stuff but also large bins of items that are stained/damaged (or that’s been in stock for a long time) they sell at 5 items for £1 or 50p each etc). Even from there I’ve had lovely stuff that I presume was from the didn’t sell as normal stock selection in the 5 items for £1 - best selection probably being a lovely floaty kids dress my daughter wore for years as a favourite, another summer dress that looked brand new, denim dungarees, an England football shirt from the late 90s in fab condition and a new (with tags) hoody. More commonly you get worn stuff or things with the odd stain in those bins and I use them to pick up stuff for messy play or more recently to get warm clothes for school trips to activity centres where everything is going to get pretty filthy and very possibly be ripped.
There is plenty of tat in charity shops but if you have time to call in once a week and have a browse there is definitely also lots of really great stuff available.