MIL obsessed with charity shops, Aibu?

Agree with this. It’s just making work. And knickers?? That’s not pleasant at all.

Ignore this OP. I understand your hurt.

And you’re wrong btw. I found a pack of new knickers still in their packaging last week.

Come on Op ! You don’t like your MIL, not sure why although she has committed the cardinal sin of being from ‘ a different ( older) generation so that’s a poor place to start from. Perhaps she is indeed just not very nice, you haven’t much in common ….even the dearest of DH can have some less than delightful friends and relatives.

But you say she gives ‘new’ things to her other DC and DGC, so have you stopped to think that she knows you don’t like her, and that the feeling is mutual? Maybe she is sitting at home with a cup of coffee after work and planning her next raid on a charity shop so she can buy loads of ‘tat’ and give it to you, and enjoy the expression of fury and disgust on your face.

Some of the PP have explained how they have dealt with similar situations of unwanted or inappropriate gifts with tact and grace. They give hope for the human race.

I have definitely bought an item of clothing that stunk off cigarettes from a charity shop! It was a cute cardigan, and I didn't notice the smell in the shop, but once I was home it was overpowering! I really liked it though so left it to air out for a year (!) and the smell largely disapated.

I think having grandparents buy things for your kids that you don't need, want, or have space for is a widely shared problem. Some are worse than others, and I think there is a particular subset of charity-addicted grannies who are quite bad for it.

I’ve bought shoes from a UK charity shop before!

They do sell new knickers in a pack. I saw some last week.

Why does OP have to accept an absolute load of unusable tat coming into her house every time her MIL visits? She has asked her to stop doing this and her MIL didn't speak to her for weeks (though that sounds like a bonus to me).

Why would anyone keep doing this when they know that the recipient doesn't want and doesn't use these things? Gifts are supposed to give pleasure to the recipient as well as the giver. Her MIL's behaviour is obviously a passive-aggressive way of pissing off her DIL while being able to maintain the fiction that she is being kind and generous.

My MIL was like this. She even had a clear out once and gave me things she thought I would like. One was a half empty tube of Savlon antiseptic cream which was out of date by about six years. I say thanks ever so much and it all goes straight in the bin. She only buys utter tat for the children and if I don’t like the clothes they go straight to the charity shop. I can’t be doing with clothes i don’t like cluttering up my house. It wasn’t a money issue, it’s a frugal, miserly issue.

Another poster who thinks you’re exaggerating

Charity shops don’t sell used children’s knickers. Or even new ones for that matter.

They also don’t sell stained clothes. Far too much competition including from Vinted for that!

If the problem is the quantity that she buys, over quality, just have that conversation - and assume her best intentions. Life’s too short to do anything else?

I LOVE charity shops and go any time I can.

But I agree with you OP. I think it’s hurtful what your MIL is non-verbally communicating- that you/your daughter aren’t worth much. Giving every single item is thoughtless.

I hope you feel better soon.

This is my DM, doesnt bother me though, she means well and I’m a fan of charity shops myself

I am afraid you are coming across as pretty mean spirited. If this brings her happiness just leave her be and accept the presents with good grace. If you don't like them or can't use them then give them back to a charity shop at the right moment.

She’s not stingy - she’s buying lots of things for DD, you just don’t want them.

You sound like my SIL a few years ago, I understand your frustration. My Mum used to buy all sorts of tat for my DB/SIL kids and they aren't too keen on charity shop stuff.

I love a charity shop bargain and still look for my kids now and my mum has calmed down on the absolute tat she buys, its more jigsaws, games and toys now and my kids are happy with those. The only thing I'm not keen on is that its made an expectation from my young kids that granny always buys them things when she visits or when we visit her, but it is a kind thing your MIL is doing.

Its not worth falling out over, I know you don't have a lot of time to re-donate, so how about gathering it up and making a donation every 3 months or so? Or using a donation point in a supermarket carpark?

You are a nasty snob. Your MIL couldn't possibly be buying children's knickers from charity shops, because they don't sell them. Ever.

It's awful seeing the giant piles of haggard cheap clothing rotting away in third world countries isn't it?? It's truly miserable what all these "fast fashion" places are doing: the clothing is rubbish and breaks down quickly, meaning our water systems are being polluted by microplastics even more than usual, and the workers are treated terribly . And awful that so many first world countries are sending all their junk to the third world. Wish that people would stop buying so much stuff that's made out of polyester and other man made materials. Also wish that there was more interest in using British-made/originated materials - wool being a key one. But there is an uptick in using wool now - for duvets, insulation etc. Hopefully people are becoming more mindful. I'm glad there are so many opportunities these days to reuse/recycle/upcycle items.

This clearly an obsession!! Would really annoy me. I get my girls stuff from charity shops for the grandkids but also buy new stuff. Also getting things free on marketplace and then selling on is so stingy unless the money went to charity.

I am currently doing a year of not buying new clothes- because I watched a programme on rubbish and landfill, and it made me sick to see so many disposable clothes which are probably going to take decades to break down.
Sometimes you do have to stop and wonder about our constant consumption.

And not wanting to be gross, but there's an obvious reason why shops wouldn't sell used children's underwear.....

The charity shop I work in sells knickers, but only unopened and brand new (you'd be shocked at how many bags of worn kids underwear we get). We also sell kids shoes.

We don't put out stained or smelly clothes, we've had to rag full bags of gorgeous kids clothes because the smell of smoke was overwhelming, but there's every chance that one or two items are missed.

If the shoe has been worn, it can potentially affect the gait of the next owner. Shoes tent to mould to feet as they get worn in, potentially a problem for children as their bones are still soft. That’s why worn second hand shoes aren’t recommended. New second hand ones or ones with no wear on the soles, are fine to buy second hand.

You're jumping to a lot of conclusions here - is it possible that you yourself do not enjoy charity shops? You're assuming that the lady has a dopamine issue (which is something only a doctor can diagnose) such that she needs a "hit".

Your comment about "depriving others" of something they "genuinely" may want/need is also incorrect and misplaced: why are you assuming the lady doesn't "genuinely want" the items she is buying? By your logic no one should ever buy something if there is someone else who may have greater need (good luck measuring that) who may have bought it instead. Do you police the people in supermarkets who are buying bargains and the "buy two get one free" offers to make sure that the people who genuinely need the savings are the only ones getting them??? Of course not.

If the lady was putting herself into financial difficulties from her thifting that would be a different matter - but it just sounds like it's a hobby that she enjoys. She can spend her money and time doing whatever she wishes - if the DIL doesn't like the items she's free to donate them back to the charity shops.

Fast fashion and the over buying of clothes is killing the environment. Clothes don’t get recycled they just get dumped in other parts of the world.

if you don’t want things from charity shops ask your MIL to stop buying you things.

There's nothing necessarily problematic with second hand shoes. Is your concern athletes foot? If so it's easy to clean shoes and replace the insoles if you're that bothered about it. Got some really superb vintage boots from thrift stores that are amazing - and easily cleaned.

Title should read -
MIL buys all DDs gifts from charity shops . AIBU to think this is odd?

That is the issue !

My MIL is the same and I won’t lie i was abit shocked ! Never buys new . Ever.

However- they save £50 a month for each of our children a month in an ISA! MIL has issues with waste and the environment and thinks money should be saved not wasted on holidays or toys ! I was blown away when they informed me last year about the savings and was so relieved I had never mentioned the charity shop toys and clothes !!!!

If you don't like it then don't buy it. All new stuff "stinks" too - and is covered in rather nasty chemicals to prevent the clothes going mouldy in transport/storage - so you're getting nasties either way.