MIL obsessed with charity shops, Aibu?

I think posters are obsessing where the OP’s MIL buys the clothes. From experience, I can say we received plenty of underwear sets that weren’t packaged, but each set was wrapped, each pair of socks wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper. We’d often receive clothes that had stains on. I think they were often bought from car boot sales. And sometimes random stuff like towels, flannels etc. It was completely bizarre that she thought a six year boy would want Dora the Explorer knickers!
I’d also mention that this took place when the kids were young, at a very busy and stressful time of our lives - my DH and I worked and had young children, we’d visit our in laws for a family visit and get foisted with loads of tat. And we’d have to bin quite a lot of it and then risk that our own bin was full ahead of bin collection day.
It’s not easy dealing with family members who dish out the crap but you have to be strong and push back for your own sanity.

It's not against the law FFS. I work in one of the major charities and we sell children's shoes

I did amend my post. It's against policy for most major charity shops to sell used childrens' shoes. It can damage their feet.

Never seen one that does and I have been in a lot of charity shops.

I used to volunteer with Oxfam who have a long standing relationship with M&S, we’d regularly get stock from one of their big stores. It was either stuff that hadn’t sold even after the sales, or things like packets of knickers which should have 6 pairs but one was missing because someone had taken them out to see the size or whatever. We would absolutely sell brand news markies pants and they were a bargain - if 6 pairs were £12 originally, we’d sell 5 pairs for £5.

I now volunteer in another charity shop and we regularly get underwear donated, we will sell brand new bras, knickers, socks, swimwear or y-fronts if they are still tagged. We get a lot of pairs of novelty socks after Christmas. Anything worn is straight in the recycling. People do regularly donate bags full of toddler pants and socks for some weird reason.

shoes - we will sell worn shoes but they need to be pristine, whether adult or child.

It's not against the law FFS. I work in one of the major charities and we sell children's shoes.

Yes, thankfully it has stopped now. I think once we started returning the gifts or calling the broken toys out, returning the out of date sweets and left them in her house my MIL got the hint. We did try the softly, softly approach at the beginning by asking my MIL, in advance, what she would like for her Christmas and she’d always say that she wanted cash so we would gift her cash (because after all - why would we buy her something she didn’t want). In return, we’d suggest things for her to buy our children but she’d ignore it and buy crap. In the end we’d ask for cash to put towards something more substantial for the kids but there was no way that she’d give our children cash - she was too tight to do that.

It wasn’t a case of saying no for the sake of it, some of the toys were dangerous as they didn’t come from recognised toy shops and weren’t certified safe, the sweets were years out of date and had discoloured with age. It wasn’t an easy path to tread especially when the children were young and wanted to eat those sweets.

@howcanistayhinged you are right, it felt vindictive to me. I think her compulsion to buy crap and feel she was getting a bargain was more important than seeing her grandchildren receive gifts they actually wanted.

Wouldn’t that have been to do with the landlord not the charity? We own a building with a charity shop in it, building is our responsibility nothing to do with the charity.

Her complaint was that the goods were not fit for purpose.

If you read my post you will note I wrote:

I don’t for one moment believe that this OP is being given burdensome bag loads of rubbish every week

However I’m sure the OP already has what they want from this thread.

I have not known a charity shop to sell shoddy goods, if such things are donated they bin them.

Just ask her to do you a favour and take stuff to the charity shop for you, as she goes so regularly and you are too busy to go yourself. Hope she doesn't buy the donated stuff 😂

My mother is a bit like this but on a much smaller scale. Example: one day she tells me she is donating some kids puzzles to a shop and just checks with me before doing so, she wants to declutter. Me: yes cool we definitely don't want any more stuff in our house. Her: ok. Later that day, she picks up a puzzle of the exact same type from a shop (brand new) for one of my daughters 🤨

So it's broken and smelly so should just go in the bin, but you don't actually believe that it is broken, smelly etc?

If OP just doesn't want tonnes of stuff from charity shops that isn't suitable for her children, that's fine. If she's said she doesn't want it, it should stop. It's not for her to facilitate someone else's shopping addiction and pretend to be grateful.

The whole thrust of the OPs complaint is that they are not fit for use. Broken, smelly, ripped unusable clothes and underwear and toys.

Apparently she lives near a collection of charity shops selling rubbish instead of the standard reusable goods (still keen to hear about which charities are selling stinking unusable goods but the OP doesn’t seem to be returning).

I don’t for one moment believe that this OP is being given burdenson bag loads of rubbish every week.

That's really eco friendly isn't it? People might actually have needed that stuff, but instead OP's MIL takes it, drives it over to someone who doesn't want it, so OP can fill her own bin with it? What a waste of time, money, stuff and energy. Surely easier for OP's MIL to just stop giving her rubbish she doesn't want.

Well she can chuck it in the bin then….honestly

I've left stuff outside in a charity bag and it wasn't taken so I did have to in the end. Regardless it's just another job for OP to do. She hasn't asked for this stuff.

I have worked for charities, I didn't work in the shop but as part of my induction I was always shown around them and shown the inner workings.

They DO NOT launder anything. At all. They don't have/can't afford to run washing machines.

The steam everything and anything that comes in dirty, they recycle.

The laundry smells you're smelling are from the people that donated

British heart foundation

edit sorry realise you Aren’t replying to me

You don’t have to drive to a charity shop to donate

Which charity out of interest? Most of the chains, even small chains have policies which would put stinky and stained clothes into textiles recycling.

I’m just intrigued as to which charities are selling such vast quantities of broken, smelly and stained and ripped goods that the NC'd OP is overwhelmed by them - to the extent it would be too time consuming even to bin these vast quantities.

It sounds far more like the traditional jumble sale’s leftovers (do they still exist) which would be collected by the rag traders.

You can order a free charity bag, put the clothes in them then leave outside your house for collection. You don’t need to go to shop

I agree. It's not ungrateful to not want to be given a job to do selling things on vinted or driving them to a charity shop.

I would much rather be gifted nothing than stuff from charity shops, vinted, temu or shein. I'm happy buying what I want myself and I don't like to have clutter everywhere. That's my choice and if OP has told her MIL she doesn't want this stuff, that should be respected. To keep buying it is all about the MIL's selfish desire to buy things.

😄😄😄

Dunno what it is with grandma’s obsession with buying unwanted tat. I have a real issue with them buying clothes, they’re always stupid outfits like they think the kids are dolls to dress up. Both grandmas are like it. It’s like they’re not satisfied with choosing what DH and I wore as kids and now want to dictate that our kids look like twats as well.

I used to work in a charity shop too and nothing was washed as we only had a steamer. So things were often stinky and had small stains. Your shop isn’t all shops.

You don't have time to re donate them, seriously?

I'm with OP. When someone's that obsessed with buying and offloading what's basically junk, it sounds like they're a hoarder or compulsive spender who's found a guilt-free outlet. Tbh I wouldn't find it cute, heartfelt or eco-minded.

The odd charity-shop buy, sure. But to answer OP's question, no, constant 'gifting' like this is not normal behaviour. It does seem to be more prevalent among older ladies though, so perhaps normal for them!

I had a quite wealthy relative who always gave charity shop gifts at Christmas, without seemingly any thought as to whether the recipient would want it. It was a family joke, but at least she confined herself to Christmas. Far worse to be CONSTANTLY given stuff you don't want - and have to inspect it, wash it, find a place for it or offload it. It would drive me spare.

Perhaps MiL had an upbringing where treats were in short supply, and this is her way of meeting some need in herself, I don't know. I'd talk to DH about it, so at least dealing with it isn't your burden alone.