MIL obsessed with charity shops, Aibu?

My dad is the same. He even rifles through the bins at the back of charity shops for the stuff they don’t want. Sometimes he takes salvageable items home and cleans them up and donates them to other charity shops, which I suppose is helpful/sustainable in some way. But eeuuuurrrgggggg!!!

My parents’ house is AWFUL. A gorgeous 3-bed Victorian home and when we visit we have to fork out for a hotel or holiday house because they literally can’t fit us in. It is filled up to the high Victorian ceilings and I exaggerate not. The garage is full, the lean-to is full, two garden sheds are full, if I’m not wrong then two lock-up rental storage units are also still full. My parents re-did their will recently and I told dad to make sure money for five skips was immediately accessible. My uncle scoffed and said “only five?!”
It’s an unrecognised addiction. No idea what causes it or what the solution is. But it’s awful for the other family members to have to live with. The house makes my stomach churn.

And quite why the op would object to that, I don't know.

They sell them new and packaged.

I’ve worked in several charity shops. There are things we CANNOT have
Pants/underwear are things we are NOT allowed to have.

Yep you do sound awful.

“smell of smoke and expected daughter to wear them”…… were you not going to wash them?!

anyway, I love a charity shop. Get whatever I can there, love a bargain! I also shop on Vinted and I haven’t brought myself anything new in about 2 years! I just wash everything before use…. And yes! I have brought bras! Either £5 for a bra or £18+a bra (due to size!) if you don’t like it, just accept it and take it back to a different charity shop or put it on Vinted and make some money for you daughter.

We actually do charity shop Christmas. Look out for great stuff throughout the year. The charities need the money and we havent slogged round crowded stores in December. Books are an obvious choice, but i have got unopened board games and jigsaws, lovely framed prints, vases, some great clothes (I was once with daughter and spotted a top she'd like, told other daughter to distract her while I got it but she was too slow and first daughter came along and went "woooo! That's fab! I'm getting that!" and stomped off to the counter to pay for it, leaving us two in hysterics). So you could suggest to ma in law that you will ALL do this from now on, you to her, her to you. Emphasise you will all go for top quality. And with the money you save, you can buy your kid the stuff she wants/needs.

Knickers in a charity shop?surely not.

I'm with you @AlwaysHopefull89. It's not like you are asking for all this stuff. she is bombarding you with unwanted stuff. You don't have to be grateful and she's stopping someone else grabbing bargains that they may actually want.

Thank you, @Allwillbeewellfor answering.
Yes - We have Goodwill and they’re pretty dismal. As I said, I look for glass but the glass I like nobody parts with.
There are consignment shops I’ve heard, but I’ve never sought them out.
Our Goodwill stores here definitely don’t have any designer clothes that I’ve ever heard of. Maybe that’s because all those designer clothes are ending up in those rumoured consignment shops.
Thanks again.

YANBU 🤗

Wait for a very important event day for your mil and gift her something really cheap and shabby from a charity shop. If she complains then remind her that your child is the most precious person in your life and is better than 2nd 3rd or whatever things especially underwear!
A little cruel to be kind action is priceless. 😄

I’d chuck what you don’t want in a black bin bag and ask her if she’d be able to drop it off for you next time she’s going to the charity shop, seeing as she has the spare time to do so and you don’t. Tie the bin bag so she can’t easily open it! If she does and queries anything, just say ‘it’s a lovely top but just too small for DD’ or ‘I just couldn’t get those stains out’ or even ‘DD just refused to wear it, what a shame’.

Lovely old lady on my former housing block filled two bedrooms floor to ceiling with boxes of stuff from charity shops.
She and her husband had to sleep on two sofas in the living room, until he died. She then started filling the living room as well. Corrupt housing officer got her evicted eventually - despite turning a blind eye to multiple cannabis farms and a knocking shop run from other homes (kickbacks) - and whole neighbourhood helped here clear everything out & sold tons of bits online so she had the cash. A place was found for her in supported accommodation. Guess it's easier to evict harmless old ladies who don't fight back 🙄

She had a terrible childhood of abuse and her husband 'rescued her' when she was 17. They were married 56 years if I recall. Sad story but highlights what trauma can do 😢

Frugal is not buying useless shit in the first place

It's more frugal than buying expensive useless shit though.

That drives me mad. Frugal is not buying useless shit in the first place.

My mum is like this. She was worse when I lived locally. It was charity shops and carboot sales. I could have kitted out three playgroups with the amount of plastic rubbish I had. With her I think it’s a shopping addiction but she likes to think she’s frugal and loves a bargain.

Yes that was an interesting addition to the yarn after so many posters queried the accuracy of the claims about smelly old knickers being sold in charity shops based on their own experiences of working with that sector.

OP has updated to say that the other grandkids get new things!

So please read her posts!

Well in that case, I don't see what the OP's issue is. It's no different from buying them from M&S or Next outlet shops. It's a bit snobby and precious to object to M&S pants still in their packet just because they've come via Oxfam.

This is whats wrong with the world.

I do think its very rude and cheap to gift secondhand things unless its some sort of vintage sentimental value.

Why would OP be glad that her MIL is buying stuff that she doesn't want and wouldn't use and is also is dirty, broken or in poor condition? It just gives OP another chore to get rid of it all.

She has a shopping addiction, no taste and no integrity - it's the worst combination. She offloads her addictive behaviour onto you. I doubt she remembers what she's bought if she's caught up in the addiction.

At the supermarket near me there's a clothes bank where they sell on the clothes by the kilo. I'd just dump them all in there. Broken toys would go in the bin, as would absolutely anything that smelt of smoke.

Job done!

This isn’t strictly true. It’s illegal to sell something unsafe or “not fit for purpose” under UK product safety law but second hand worn shoes are not automatically unfit. In most cases with light wear they are highly unlikely to cause issues for a child they fit. A lot of large charities simplify it for volunteers and have a blanket policy not to sell them but that isn’t the same thing

Well that sounds reasonable. I stand corrected.