MIL obsessed with charity shops, Aibu?

Some of our local charity shops do sell cleary new, often in sealed packs.

No, she never admitted she had lied. She lied a lot and never admitted it when caught out.

She didn't bother to explain the bedbugs not did she apologize for sending them our way. She also gave all her neighbours bed bugs and actually let her house go into foreclosure because she wouldn't pay the bug spraying bills the condo board sent her after they had to spray over and over. She couldn't afford that and buying tons of worthless crap and going on vacation, so she chose the crap and vacations. To this day she doesn't answer the phone in order to dodge bill collectors. 😄

She has never gifted anything again because I dumped her useless son. Neither of my children would ever take home gifts from her, they'd trash them, but she hasn't tried to give them any since I dumped my ex. I don't think they matter that much to her as she hasn't asked to see them in many years. That baby shower I was talking about was for her great grandchild and after showering her with crap gifts, she barely looked at the baby once she arrived. IMO she just wanted to buy stuff and the baby was a handy excuse.

I think she got the items from both sales in the neighborhood and charity shops. Her house was crammed with junk she had bought at those sales. I have no doubt she is still doing it as it was compulsive behaviour IMO.
I do feel sorry for ex MIL even though she was horrible to me many times. She needs psychiatric help.

Unfortunately where I am, the charity shops do. I saw a lovely summer dress that had brown stains all over the back neck area but they were asking £17 for it!

Surely you wash it anyway, so a smell of smoke would soon be gone. I do think you appear a little ungrateful, but it does sound like she is buying a lot for your DD, which is nice, but sounds like it needs toning down a bit. Maybe get your husband to tell her you appreciate the gesture, but DD has enough clothes.

Really? Charity shops here wouldn't sell anything which smelled or had marks all over it.

There are charity shop gifts and then there are charity shop gifts.

For my mothers 70th I couldnt find anything I knew she would like. Then I saw a beautiful emerald green brooch that I knew she would love when I was in a charity shop dropping off a donation (ironically, it was her stuff I was dropping off!). Cost a fiver. And I was right, she loved it! She wears it often and treasures it far more than she would than a £500 brooch that was a bit (to her) meh.

However, that is very different to a second hand "foxed" toy that was bought just because it was cheap and vaguely age appropriate.

YANBU.

I also volunteered for a charity shop and we were strict about clothes being clean and not stinking before we put them out. It’s annoying and so many people would use it for a dumping service and chuck us their filthy clothes. We’d end up putting them in the bin, we didn’t have the facilities to wash them

Since she's lying about it, she obviously knows the gifts aren't worthy. People will say "it's the thought that counts", but the only thought she's putting into it is how pass to off unwanted junk as "new", while surely knowing that people won't believe her.

Might be best to just ask her not to bother with gifts any more.

Some people like shopping for a bargain and she obviously has someone new in her life that is giving her reason to shop.
Try to tolerate it and say thank you even if you dispose of the items later.

I’ve got so many questions 🤭🤭🤭🤭

• Was she forced to admit her lies?
• How did she explain the bedbugs?
• Does she still gift you used items?
• Does she still shop at charity shops? 🤣

Yuk, is that an actual thing? I get it's a charity shop, but surely smoky items and bugs should not be acceptable

It sounds like a dominance/control/hoarding thing, nothing to do with second hand goods.

MIL of someone I know got obsessed with making "costumes" for her granddaughters.

Cute for a couple of photos when young but naturally as they aged they didn't want to spend Xmas and birthdays feeling uncomfortable and ridiculous in elaborate hand sewn outfits.

Then MIL sulked and played the victim which caused all sorts of problems.

Its difficult as this type of person imposes their so-called generosity onto you but it's really all about them and their needs.

I'd just discreetly chuck everything straight in the bin and grey rock any talk about it tbh. Don't waste cognitive load in processing it.

TIL that UK charity shops don’t sell shoes.

You could just put a giant bundle on Vinted for a couple of £ and someone that needs them will buy it. Everyone wins.

I just think accept gracefully and if you don’t like it, give back to another charity shop.

I’m sorry but I do think it’s stingy to give charity shop buys as Birthday or Christmas gifts. For one there is no gift receipt for the recipient to find something they prefer if it doesn’t fit or suit. Not everyone likes second hand items either. I prefer to buy new for my children. I wish I could find gems in charity shops but when I look at the children’s section it’s items that are well worn and overpriced.

The fact that your MIL is buying new things for the other grandchildren but only buying charity shop stuff for your daughter is really awful.
MIL is treating your DD (her granddaughter) as second best.

Let me guess that either the other grandchildren are boys or your DH/DP's sibling is the golden child or if there is more than one sibling then your DH/DP is the scapegoat?

@AlwaysHopefull89 maybe you should ask MNHQ to edit your original post so other posters can see that the MIL buys the other grandchildren new things & only your DD gets the charity shop stuff.

If it smells that means they don't wash or disinfect the items. Hard no on that. She could be bringing bed bugs into your house that way. That's exactly what happened to me with my MIL's gifts. Luckily I spotted one and threw the whole lot out, triple bagging it and steaming any surfaces the items had been on. After that I requested no more used items, but she did it again, and at baby shower to boot. I had thrown the shower at a restaurant for this reason and the mom of the baby, being forwarned, just took a walk (allegedly to put the gifts in the car) and tossed MILs gifts into the garbage. It turned out it didn't matter if they were new or used as the bedbugs were transferred from wherever she shopped to her house, she did nothing about it and then let the items sit in bags on the floor for weeks. Small wonder they had bedbugs in them.
She had lied and claimed the baby gifts were new, but the teddy bear was missing an eye. 😄
I'm a thrifter myself (wouldn't give them as gifts) but I throw anything that can be washed straight into the washer. The things that can't be washed get steamed.

Either tell her you have too much stuff and to stop, tell her you don't want your DD to wear second hand clothes in poor condition (give the smoke smelling one as an example, that's terrible!!), or drop it back to a charity shop.

I’m slightly addicted to visiting charity shops myself, i’ve found some great bargains and do get a bit of fomo if I don’t go for a while so I sort of get that. However, i’d never buy anyone something from there as a birthday/christmas present. We get endless big soft toys given from the in laws, they just go straight in a bag to go to the charity shop! I’d just say thank you and get rid of anything really rubbish as I fear you will just come across as ungrateful if you mention it, i’d find it annoying too though.

Doubt they would be used ! Lots of those stores sell new things .

Some charity shop sell brand new knickers and socks/gloves/hats, can't remember which ones they are but it's not unusual to see them, they are usually the great big kind though!

That’s nonsense, I’ve never seen used knickers but all bar one of the charity shops round me sell children’s shoes. Perhaps your chain doesn’t allow it but it’s not a universal rule.

And very few charity shops, if any, wash clothes any more so some stained or damaged items do end up on the shelves. Albeit most shops are pretty good and filtering most of these bits outs.

I’m with you op. A few of my family have given my kids and I gifts from charity shops, including my mil, and I’ve really appreciated them but that’s because they have been genuinely thoughtful gifts.
That doesn’t sound like it’ s the case with your mil, it sounds like she’s just using you to facilitate her shopping addiction and to feel better about herself without any real thought for you or your daughter.

Does she always buy new for all the other grandchildren? Are they boys? Or children of her girls?