I'm not goofy, would that put people off?

WTF!

Your friend sounds really annoying and you sound cool to me, and I think most people will agree with me. These wacky, zany, goofy types are just annoying. Be yourself.

Well, you do need to change your thinking that this is what most men prefer because it's patently not true and the truth is all around you on every bus, in every cafe, all over the world. Perhaps you need to expand your social groups or what you watch/read/study so you don't get stuck in this unhelpful, unfounded thought pattern. The right person will love you for yourself and not want to change you. If men prefer women who don't act like you, they're not right for you and that's fine.

You should be loved for who you are. Do not settle for something other then that or become someone different because you think you should.

Im probably a bit like your friend (it masks uncomfortableness for me but I’d never force someone to do it!) and my fabulous best mate is more like you…and of the two of us, the one who is far more successful with men is not me!

Respectfully, the only thing you need to change is this weird, untrue, entrenched belief thst ‘men’ want crazy jazzhands women as some kind of blanket thing.

Sure, some people will think you’re dull as ditchwater as you are, but literally no one is appealing to everyone in the world. I wouldn’t contemplate shagging anyone who used textspeak, misused semi-colons or didn’t have an opinion on which is the greatest 19thc novel, for instance. None of those are a consideration for some people.

You've just described me!

For a long time I struggled with it and felt I was "boring", but in middle age I've found my tribe. We're a really mixed bunch and indeed some are "goofy", butntheres a place for everyone and I'm appreciated for being thoughtful and organised and "interesting" rather than funny. I am actually funnier than I appreciated too, but it will be a small observation or response rather than "mad".

I think she’s trying to justify the ‘so scatty, I’m mad I am, oh get me!’ persona she’s using as her USP. Only it’s not that unique.
At the right time, in the right place, in the right company, all that behaviour is appropriate. And the next day you say “oh it was so funny, we were all falling about, it’s great to be silly sometimes” and then you get on with adult life.
Most men I know, both those my age and younger ones at work, would be laughing AT her not WITH her, very different thjngs.
Keep doing you (with a funny half hour thrown in regularly).

I like having friends like this because when you don't want to be the centre of attention or just want to be a bit quiet, it's useful for someone else to take the spotlight.

I wouldn't like having friends like this if they kept telling me I needed to be more like them, especially in a dating context.

Not sure it's even possible to be that kind of silly, face-pulling kind of goofy if it doesn't come naturally to you.

Some (like your friend) people love the limelight and attention and behave accordingly. Some people (like you and me) are quieter and prefer not to be the centre of attention. There nothing wrong with either way, the world needs both.

My SIL is one of my best friends. She is definitely the first type. As soon as she walks into a room, she knows everyone, has made everyone laugh, told a funny story, done a couple of accents, probably danced a bit. I love her. She has great energy and life is never dull when she is around. If I were the same way it I think it would all get a bit much.

in another friendship group there are three goofy/zany types. They quite often end up shouting over one another to be the focus of attention and it can be embarrassing to watch. I cringe for them.

We can't all be queen bees. Us more reserved types are important in a group too.

Some (like your friend) people love the limelight and attention and behave accordingly. Some people (like you and me) are quieter and prefer not to be the centre of attention. There nothing wrong with either way, the world needs both.

My SIL is one of my best friends. She is definitely the first type. As soon as she walks into a room, she knows everyone, has made everyone laugh, told a funny story, done a couple of accents, probably danced a bit. I love her. She has great energy and life is never dull when she is around. If I were the same way it I think would all get a bit much. We can't all be queen bees. Us more reserved types are important in a group too.

Couldn’t be arsed with that. One of my friends wants me to go on holiday with her but the way she acts like a flirty teenager around every man in sight means it’s a firm no from me. If you don’t like her antics steer clear.

pulling faces and putting on silly voices would bore me to tears - can’t imagine she’s impressing or amusing anyone.

That’s a silly and unpleasant post that sounds as if it was written by a teenager in the full throes of teen drama.

Apart from anything else, women don’t assume their personas because of said persona’s potential appeal to men.

Oh I hear you. I’m very introverted and I’m quite happy in my own company, I get REALLY pissed off with people telling me I must get out more.

There is a lid for every pot. Some men will prefer her entertaining personality, some would be able to relax more with someone quiet and calm like you. Just be yourself.

I joke a lot often as a way to deflect male attention. I bet you she isn't trying to steal the limelight away from you.

Friend sounds like she's being deeply annoying towards you. Saying other people should be more like you is not encouraging them to 'be themselves'!

I'm all for reassuring the OP but not at the expense of quiet guys and overweight women being deemed unattractive, not special etc. Maybe that's your experience of specific individuals but feels a leap from disliking the goofy behaviour to slagging off physical types and geeks, who can often be kind, intelligent and make good partners ime. OP even says she's reserved so may be one of these 'barely visible' types herself and who knows what size she is, but it's not what her attractiveness hinges on.

Completely agree but one type will often tell the other type they should be more like them!

No prizes for guessing which way around 🙄

To be fair OP, it's your fault for hanging out with my 3yo...

Seriously though, your friend sounds annoying. You, on the other hand, sound lovely.

Everyone is different. And all men are different.
Loud people do get more attention because it is hard not to notice them.
But they are not everyones cup of tea.

You've got it all wrong OP. The majority of men find this sort of behavior in women very annoying and unattractive. Sure, these women do get boyfriends, but these boyfriends are never anything special (usually very quiet, geeky, barely-visible types). She's probably not that attractive and does this to draw attention to herself, much like the overweight girls at my school and later, women at work, who were very loud/gobby (otherwise no one would have noticed them. Your friend is probably the same). I'm sure you're 100% more attractive and likeable than her to others but you just don't see or feel it.

And by its nature goofy has limited appeal. Your ‘stiffness’ probably helps balance her out. Two goofy friends together is too much!

Really? You’re going out with the same people? I very much doubt that’s the case nor that numerous people find whacky accents etc such a big thrill in relationships. Your friend may be onto something about your insecurity if you’re truly questioning yourself about this, but the solution isn’t to become less yourself by adopting your friend’s characteristics, but to own your differences and be at ease with not acting that way. Your friend is fine as she is, some will find that appealing others will find it annoying. Don’t compare yourself to her and if she does, say (in your normal accent) that you love how she is but are happy as you are.

There are lots of places in between stiff and goofy. Are you stiff?

God, she sounds irritating. Thank Heavens you aren't like her.