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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Slightly grabby party dad?

231 replies

Aibuuuuuu · 30/06/2025 21:18

DD was invited to a party this weekend. It was at a girl’s house that she doesn’t know super well; the whole class was invited. Anyway on Saturday morning she was throwing up with a fever and the party was on Sunday. So on Saturday, I sent my apologies and said DD is unwell and can’t come - which is late but obviously no choice. I said I’d send the present (that we’d already bought and wrapped) in on Monday.

No reply of acknowledgement, but whatever, parties are hectic and I don’t know this family.

DD forgot to put the present in her bag this morning, and I didn’t notice until we got back from the school run. No matter, I thought, I’ll make sure she takes it tomorrow. Didn’t send an apology to the parents that the present wasn’t going to be there today as that felt a bit pointless since they didn’t respond to my other message.

Anyway, the dad has just WhatsApp’d me saying “Hope DD is better. X is looking forward to receiving her present :)”.

I don’t know why, but that has irritated me! Like, it’s a big grabby or they don’t believe I bought one or something?

I vented mildly to DH and he said “they just don’t believe you got a present, just send it in tomorrow”.

I know this isn’t a real problem and maybe I’m being unreasonable… but is that a kind of annoying message to send? It feels like they’re nagging me to give them stuff!

OP posts:
macaronisaidshetlandpony · 30/06/2025 22:15

DinaofCloud9 · 30/06/2025 22:11

But "just neglecting to be grateful or say thanks" is rude.

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Yes I agree. I was mostly thinking about the grabbiness.

anonymoususer9876 · 30/06/2025 22:14

Username73638 · 30/06/2025 21:59

Tbh, I’m neurodivergent and can totally see myself sending this message meaning nothing by it (intended meaning = aww lovely, you’ll send the present anyway, look forward to receiving it) and being completely unaware that people would interpret it badly. You don’t know the dad, maybe he’s ND or just an awkward texter and was trying to be polite. I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

Yep, this @Aibuuuuuu
It might be grabby, but equally it might not be. While I'd txt "Oh no! Hope your DD is Ok now and on the mend..." etc, DH would be like the dad. Not because he's grabby, he just doesn't do social chit chat and it just wouldn't have occurred to him.

DinaofCloud9 · 30/06/2025 22:11

macaronisaidshetlandpony · 30/06/2025 21:30

I think… and normally I’d be thinking he’s a grabby twat… but I actually think on this occasion this was because he’d not replied to you on the day. So he was acknowledging what you’d said and just neglected to be grateful or say thanks.
Also he might have told his child that your DD was going to bring a present, that’s nice etc. Then when you didn’t send it in he may have had grief from his DC and thought oh crap I didn’t reply to her either, that’s probably why… so semi-grabby perhaps 😆
I’d still send the present

But "just neglecting to be grateful or say thanks" is rude.

Bitzee · 30/06/2025 22:10

Backhometothenorth · 30/06/2025 22:09

Sometimes people worry that kids have lost things from school bag so maybe that was a cack-handed way of checking if you’d sent it?

Also this is a possibility!

Backhometothenorth · 30/06/2025 22:09

Sometimes people worry that kids have lost things from school bag so maybe that was a cack-handed way of checking if you’d sent it?

vincettenoir · 30/06/2025 22:09

That message by the Dad was a dick move.

Bitzee · 30/06/2025 22:07

Maybe he’s a grabby twat but also possible that he’s replying directly to your message which tbf does mention the present and doesn’t realise how it sounds now it’s been a couple of days. Give him the benefit of the doubt and as you say the DD shouldn’t miss out.

Ritzitup · 30/06/2025 22:06

His response could be knobbish.

Or, it could be the kind of thing I type, meaning to be polite. I always pause before sending something like this as often I read it again and see how I could easily be misconstrued.

Obviously I don't know the guy but if they generally seem OK, I'd probably think he was trying to acknowledge your message nicely.

He'd have to be really twatty to mean it the grabby way!

happinessischocolate · 30/06/2025 22:05

jesihar · 30/06/2025 21:53

Totally agree. But still think child shouldn’t have been at school today, so always the point he may have been making. Hope your daughter is better?? Fuck why is she in school if throwing up Saturday.

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Monday morning is 48 hours after throwing up Saturday morning. How long do you keep your kids off for. And who the hell polices other peoples 48 hours sickness rules? Even if you think it, surely you wouldn’t actually text it?

deismevav · 30/06/2025 22:04

I think it’s just poorly worded. Sometimes it’s hard to get text messages exactly right. I would still give the present.

AtrociousCircumstance · 30/06/2025 22:02

I also think his text was a delayed response to your text, and nothing more.

throwawaynametoday · 30/06/2025 22:00

It's a badly worded message, but I don't think you can assume he's grabby or entitled based on this alone. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt - as PPs have said it could just be a late reply.

Another possibility is that he was trying to let you know that the gift didn't make it into his DDs hands - in case you had sent it in and were unaware that it gone missing in action.

Slightly different situation but a year ago I sent a card and a gift in the post to an old friend for her new baby. I didn't receive a thank you and I was really conflicted about how to handle it. I had absolutely no problem AT ALL with not being formally thanked - I remember what the newborn days were like! - but I was left wondering if she had received it at all, and if she hadn't, she might be thinking I had been thoughtless in not acknowledging the birth of her first baby. But I couldn't figure out how to word a message that didn't sound like I was demanding thanks!

Due to circumstances we weren't able to meet in person until her little girl was nearly a year old and it seemed rather late to mention it then 🤣 so I never did find out if she received it or not.

Cadenza12 · 30/06/2025 22:00

Just send the present. They probably spent money on catering and gift bag and possibly were let down by others too.

Username73638 · 30/06/2025 21:59

Tbh, I’m neurodivergent and can totally see myself sending this message meaning nothing by it (intended meaning = aww lovely, you’ll send the present anyway, look forward to receiving it) and being completely unaware that people would interpret it badly. You don’t know the dad, maybe he’s ND or just an awkward texter and was trying to be polite. I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

Original poster
Aibuuuuuu · 30/06/2025 21:59

jesihar · 30/06/2025 21:53

Totally agree. But still think child shouldn’t have been at school today, so always the point he may have been making. Hope your daughter is better?? Fuck why is she in school if throwing up Saturday.

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She was fine on Sunday, tbh, but 48 hour rule so I didn’t even think about sending her to the party.

And she was completely fine this morning. I actually picked her up at lunchtime as the school asked parents to, if they could, because of the heatwave.

OP posts:
nomas · 30/06/2025 21:59

Aibuuuuuu · 30/06/2025 21:40

You’re right that the party girl shouldn’t miss out because of her dad’s message. I will send it tomorrow!

Just give her a box of maltesers.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 30/06/2025 21:57

Rude, but rise above it and send it in without comment.

ACynicalDad · 30/06/2025 21:57

classless

TheOccupier · 30/06/2025 21:56

I'd reply "Thanks! Forgot it today but MiniAibuuuuuu will bring it tomorrow and she's looking forward to receiving her party bag :)"

MummyJ36 · 30/06/2025 21:55

If I was to give him the benefit of the doubt I’d say that he’s probably sent that in haste and not really thought about how it would come across. But I 100% get why you feel like this and I too would think “oh for fucks sake” at his reply!

I’d still give the present and probably make a point of sending a text message to tell him or even better, find him at drop off / pick up and tell him to his face to make him feel awkward!

FrankyGoesToBollywood · 30/06/2025 21:55

Send the present but make sure you get a party bag!

jesihar · 30/06/2025 21:53

NeedZzzzzssss · 30/06/2025 21:41

I'd assume this, and he's just sent a clumsy message. That mesage woukd piss me off, but it probably wasn't meant that way

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Totally agree. But still think child shouldn’t have been at school today, so always the point he may have been making. Hope your daughter is better?? Fuck why is she in school if throwing up Saturday.

happinessischocolate · 30/06/2025 21:53

I understand your reaction but they’re not your friends and it’s yp to your dd if she wants to give her friend the present.
If the birthday girl had said something grabby to dd and she didn’t want to give it then fair enough but don’t take it out on the child.
say something to the parent if/when you see them 😜

NeedZzzzzssss · 30/06/2025 21:41

mambojambodothetango · 30/06/2025 21:24

The only thing I can think is that he meant to say 'that's such a shame, thanks in advance for the offer of a present, very kind of you, DD will be delighted to have it', or something, and it came out sounding grabby. Maybe he wasn't referring at all to the absence of a present today.

I'd assume this, and he's just sent a clumsy message. That mesage woukd piss me off, but it probably wasn't meant that way

Original poster
Aibuuuuuu · 30/06/2025 21:40

You’re right that the party girl shouldn’t miss out because of her dad’s message. I will send it tomorrow!

OP posts: