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AIBU?

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Original poster

Slightly grabby party dad?

231 replies

Aibuuuuuu · 30/06/2025 21:18

DD was invited to a party this weekend. It was at a girl’s house that she doesn’t know super well; the whole class was invited. Anyway on Saturday morning she was throwing up with a fever and the party was on Sunday. So on Saturday, I sent my apologies and said DD is unwell and can’t come - which is late but obviously no choice. I said I’d send the present (that we’d already bought and wrapped) in on Monday.

No reply of acknowledgement, but whatever, parties are hectic and I don’t know this family.

DD forgot to put the present in her bag this morning, and I didn’t notice until we got back from the school run. No matter, I thought, I’ll make sure she takes it tomorrow. Didn’t send an apology to the parents that the present wasn’t going to be there today as that felt a bit pointless since they didn’t respond to my other message.

Anyway, the dad has just WhatsApp’d me saying “Hope DD is better. X is looking forward to receiving her present :)”.

I don’t know why, but that has irritated me! Like, it’s a big grabby or they don’t believe I bought one or something?

I vented mildly to DH and he said “they just don’t believe you got a present, just send it in tomorrow”.

I know this isn’t a real problem and maybe I’m being unreasonable… but is that a kind of annoying message to send? It feels like they’re nagging me to give them stuff!

OP posts:
HopscotchBanana · 01/07/2025 07:28

whocaresforyou · 30/06/2025 21:27

I would assume it was just a late reply to the original message.
dds ill she will give x present at school - hope dds better, x is looking forward to receiving present

This?

Surely he's just responding to the message you sent.

TheyFuckYouUpYourMamAndDad · 01/07/2025 07:28

Reversetail · 30/06/2025 21:22

Misguided attempt to be chatty, I can see why it rankled a bit, but no harm intended.

Rubbish 🤣 He wasn’t trying to be ‘chatty’ ffs! What man do you know who wants to be ‘chatty’ with a random mum? 🤦‍♀️ He was being a typical arsehole man…making sure ‘the woman’ knew exactly what he expected of her, which is ‘bring the fucking present!’

Male entitlement at its most blatant.

ExercicenformedeZ · 01/07/2025 07:22

YANBU but I misinterpreted your thread title. I thought it was going to be about a dad who'd tried to cop a feel!

Cerezo · 01/07/2025 07:12

On an unrelated note, Slightly Grabby Party Dad is my handle on onlyfans.

Cerezo · 01/07/2025 07:11

Is anyone else really relieved by the content of this compared to the title??

Nomorelabubus · 01/07/2025 07:11

My first thought was that it was very rude of him to send that message. But then on second thought, I agree with the poster who said it was a late response to the text you sent him. I think he's just acknowledging both points you made; she was too sick to come to the party and you were sending her to school with the present.

Blueblell · 01/07/2025 07:03

It might have been an awkward way of replying to your text and saying thank you for the present. It might not have been intended to sound the way it came across and I would give them the benefit of the doubt.

LimitedBrightSpots · 01/07/2025 07:03

No one is that concerned about their child receiving some cheap toyshop tat. Most of us need less stuff in our houses, not more, and the only value of presents is the joy they bring our DC.

He was replying to your original message and trying to be nice. He didn't word his reply particularly carefully, problem because he didn't think it's a big deal and didn't realise it would be dissected and offence taken. I know this is stereotyping but some dads aren't as up on the subtle unwritten social norms as mums tend to be.

I would have replied "Hope X is better now. Absolutely no need but that's so kind of you to think of Y".

His reply was fine. He was trying clumsily to show appreciation for your thought in sending the present by saying his child was looking forward to it.

whynotmereally · 01/07/2025 07:03

Maybe dad had mentioned it to the child (so they knew to look out for it) and child was a bit upset not to get anything. So dad messaged.

InMyOpenOnion · 01/07/2025 06:54

Meh, he was just responding to your text, and picking up on the only bit of info in it. And that's the downside of communicating by message instead of in person I guess. You get misunderstanding and different interpretations. For what it's worth, I only give a present if my child actually attends the party, I don't think many people expect one after the event.

MyDeftDuck · 01/07/2025 06:48

That’s almost as rude as my BIL messaging me to say that the money I usually transfer for xxxxx birthday hadn’t gone into her account by 8am on her birthday.

BeachPossum · 01/07/2025 06:39

Yanbu, he was bloody rude and petty.

Satisfiedwithanapple · 01/07/2025 06:37

Waterweight · 01/07/2025 00:54

Is everybody on crack ?

This ^ I'd put money on OP having stewed over this the whole weekend & wants to find fault in the dad as she herself looks like a crap parent

Everybody can weigh in on how awful the dad is, how his child doesn't deserve gifts, how her child is at deaths door but on absolute face value OP accepted an invitation to a birthday party when she knew her child wasn't close to this girl, canceled last minute & lied about a gift coming that didnt exist then slagged this family off online & sat back while grown adults have gone to town with there opinions on this poor girl & her dad

OP - in the nicest possible way = LEAVE THIS FAMILY ALONE - you can buy 100+ gifts & not make it up to them what YOU, YOURSELF have done intentionally or by accident. YOU ARE THE PROBLEM PARENT HERE. YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO COME OUT ON TOP.

I hope for their sake the kids never overlap again birthday wise & your family is being viewed poorly right now as you've brought it on yourself not by cancelling as your child was sick but by trying to save face with a non existent present & a massive Invasion of privacy & lack of respect towards the parents when the response text didn't arrive immediately.

Show quote history

I completely agree. Do people really stew over such minor inconsequential stuff?

Here’s the thing, the parents of your kid’s classmates don’t have to be angels or people you’d socialise with. But generally it’s better to just rub along and not cause unnecessary drama.

Serpentstooth · 01/07/2025 06:21

O this is one of those trivial things that nobody should bother with isn't it? It would really annoy me and I'd be pondering petty acts of revenge. Crazy. Must be the heat.

DreamTheMoors · 01/07/2025 06:10

purpleme12 · 30/06/2025 21:24

That's bad

@purpleme12 perfectly summarizes the father’s manners.

Solocup · 01/07/2025 05:37

I think he was just late replying to your original message. No wonder people get so worked up all the time

ChocolateGanache · 01/07/2025 05:37

And why do you need a reply to your message saying your daughter can’t make it immediately?! You sound like hard work OP to be honest.

nomas · 01/07/2025 05:36

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They were exchanging WhatsApps, not emails, so pretty instant messaging.

ChocolateGanache · 01/07/2025 05:36

I think you read his tone wrong. You are overthinking and being defensive.
She probably IS looking forward to it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Strictly1 · 01/07/2025 05:33

I read it that he was just replying to your message where you had mentioned the gift. If you hadn’t mentioned giving a gift it would be grabby but you did. I don’t see anything wrong in it.

VehicleTracker77 · 01/07/2025 04:26

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Zanatdy · 01/07/2025 04:01

Perhaps he was just getting around to thanking you, as I assume he hadn’t responded. I don’t see the problem, I wouldn’t say he is being grabby.

incandescentglow · 01/07/2025 02:10

i don't think he was being grabby, maybe he told his daughter that yours couldn't go and maybe she was upset, and then maybe he consoled her by telling her ah but she's got you a present! let's look forward to that

and then maybe she went into school looking forward to the present, went home present-less and maybe was upset about that, and maybe he was slightly annoyed that his daughter had been let down twice and was giving you a gentle nudge

maybe

TotHappy · 01/07/2025 01:38

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NeedZzzzzssss · 01/07/2025 01:33

Birdsinginginthetrees · 01/07/2025 01:05

I would still send in the present but would be tempted to wait a day and then send a message back saying you hope the birthday girl likes her present and that your daughter is looking forward to receiving her thank you card.

Do this if you want to look like a complete dick

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