Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Slightly grabby party dad?

231 replies

Aibuuuuuu · 30/06/2025 21:18

DD was invited to a party this weekend. It was at a girl’s house that she doesn’t know super well; the whole class was invited. Anyway on Saturday morning she was throwing up with a fever and the party was on Sunday. So on Saturday, I sent my apologies and said DD is unwell and can’t come - which is late but obviously no choice. I said I’d send the present (that we’d already bought and wrapped) in on Monday.

No reply of acknowledgement, but whatever, parties are hectic and I don’t know this family.

DD forgot to put the present in her bag this morning, and I didn’t notice until we got back from the school run. No matter, I thought, I’ll make sure she takes it tomorrow. Didn’t send an apology to the parents that the present wasn’t going to be there today as that felt a bit pointless since they didn’t respond to my other message.

Anyway, the dad has just WhatsApp’d me saying “Hope DD is better. X is looking forward to receiving her present :)”.

I don’t know why, but that has irritated me! Like, it’s a big grabby or they don’t believe I bought one or something?

I vented mildly to DH and he said “they just don’t believe you got a present, just send it in tomorrow”.

I know this isn’t a real problem and maybe I’m being unreasonable… but is that a kind of annoying message to send? It feels like they’re nagging me to give them stuff!

OP posts:
bluewanda · 01/07/2025 13:45

whispycloud · 01/07/2025 13:01

Omg as an autistic person this has actually shocked me a little bit as I would have responded like the dad (and not meant anything bad by it at all 😭)

This is why NT get so annoyed with me all the time. They interpret intent which was not there in the first place!

Show quote history

Don’t worry, speaking as a NT person it didn’t even occur to me that the dad was being rude. I don’t believe he is at all. As someone else said, those who are arguing that he was sound like extremely hard work and just looking for a fight! In other words, the sort of parents you want to avoid…

ChocolateGanache · 01/07/2025 13:30

whispycloud · 01/07/2025 13:01

Omg as an autistic person this has actually shocked me a little bit as I would have responded like the dad (and not meant anything bad by it at all 😭)

This is why NT get so annoyed with me all the time. They interpret intent which was not there in the first place!

Show quote history

I’m NT and would take this in the spirit it seems to have been sent. Why read into things negative undertones? The OP is being ridiculous imo.

NarnianQueen · 01/07/2025 13:11

If you were sending it in with your child into school he might have thought your dd had secretly kept it and he was letting you know…

whispycloud · 01/07/2025 13:01

Username73638 · 30/06/2025 21:59

Tbh, I’m neurodivergent and can totally see myself sending this message meaning nothing by it (intended meaning = aww lovely, you’ll send the present anyway, look forward to receiving it) and being completely unaware that people would interpret it badly. You don’t know the dad, maybe he’s ND or just an awkward texter and was trying to be polite. I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

Omg as an autistic person this has actually shocked me a little bit as I would have responded like the dad (and not meant anything bad by it at all 😭)

This is why NT get so annoyed with me all the time. They interpret intent which was not there in the first place!

Original poster
Aibuuuuuu · 01/07/2025 12:57

Cerezo · 01/07/2025 07:12

On an unrelated note, Slightly Grabby Party Dad is my handle on onlyfans.

Haha this made me laugh!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Aibuuuuuu · 01/07/2025 12:53

Waterweight · 01/07/2025 00:54

Is everybody on crack ?

This ^ I'd put money on OP having stewed over this the whole weekend & wants to find fault in the dad as she herself looks like a crap parent

Everybody can weigh in on how awful the dad is, how his child doesn't deserve gifts, how her child is at deaths door but on absolute face value OP accepted an invitation to a birthday party when she knew her child wasn't close to this girl, canceled last minute & lied about a gift coming that didnt exist then slagged this family off online & sat back while grown adults have gone to town with there opinions on this poor girl & her dad

OP - in the nicest possible way = LEAVE THIS FAMILY ALONE - you can buy 100+ gifts & not make it up to them what YOU, YOURSELF have done intentionally or by accident. YOU ARE THE PROBLEM PARENT HERE. YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO COME OUT ON TOP.

I hope for their sake the kids never overlap again birthday wise & your family is being viewed poorly right now as you've brought it on yourself not by cancelling as your child was sick but by trying to save face with a non existent present & a massive Invasion of privacy & lack of respect towards the parents when the response text didn't arrive immediately.

Show quote history

Wow!

Nothing I’ve said is a lie! DD was sick, I did have a present ready. A present DD and I picked out together and was actually a nice present. It was ready to go, all wrapped up as I am a weird organised neat freak.

I didn’t stew. Didn’t give it another thought after my cancel! I don’t know the family, whole class invited, at their house. Not such a big deal if DD wasn’t there. But yes, I said I’d send the present as I figured they’d probably lost money on that bit of food / party bag etc.

Anyway, I’ve sent the present with DD this morning, the girl should get it today.

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 01/07/2025 11:36

@Turkeylurkie but the OP told the parent they had a gift, the parent wasn’t asking for a gift from a no show

a222 · 01/07/2025 10:35

did you get a thank you text?

Turkeylurkie · 01/07/2025 10:11

Yeah
There would be no present if I received that text .
I've thrown many birthday parties for my kids
Never did we get a gift from someone who didn't come to the party ,even if it was last minute cancellation.
Grabby blighters

TaraTomsmum · 01/07/2025 10:05

I think it was just a response to you saying you had the present. A bit clumsy, but don’t overthink this.

YellowCamperVan · 01/07/2025 09:56

Wow that's insanely rude. If you don't attend there's zero expectation to give a gift, though some do and it's nice.

I wonder if he didn't know you'd let them know you couldn't go? Didn't get the message? And thinks you just no-showed to a party where he'd paid for your kid to be there. So he's being passive aggressive?

orangedream · 01/07/2025 09:48

You were being reminded to cough up a present as you hadn't sent it on Monday as promised. The father wasn't going to let you off the hook for it. Very grabby.

crumblingschools · 01/07/2025 09:41

Can someone explain why it is grabby or entitled if OP has told the parent there is a gift waiting for their child.?Obviously, if OP hadn’t mentioned the gift then it would be grabby. Was he meant to ignore the gift in his reply. I would assume he would send thanks once the gift had been received

rainbowstardrops · 01/07/2025 09:21

mambojambodothetango · 30/06/2025 21:24

The only thing I can think is that he meant to say 'that's such a shame, thanks in advance for the offer of a present, very kind of you, DD will be delighted to have it', or something, and it came out sounding grabby. Maybe he wasn't referring at all to the absence of a present today.

This is how I read it too

ChampagneLassie · 01/07/2025 09:13

Are you not super busy on your kids party day? And the aftermath? I know I was. I had TONS of messages to catchup on. People like you who cancelled, people who’d forgotten things, people who’d kindly helped, thanking people for coming & presents, responding to friends who’d not come but sent birthday wishes. Guess what priority those who didn’t come were? I’m guessing this is just an eventual response to your message rather than a nudge for the present.

wonderingthis · 01/07/2025 09:10

Aibuuuuuu · 30/06/2025 21:18

DD was invited to a party this weekend. It was at a girl’s house that she doesn’t know super well; the whole class was invited. Anyway on Saturday morning she was throwing up with a fever and the party was on Sunday. So on Saturday, I sent my apologies and said DD is unwell and can’t come - which is late but obviously no choice. I said I’d send the present (that we’d already bought and wrapped) in on Monday.

No reply of acknowledgement, but whatever, parties are hectic and I don’t know this family.

DD forgot to put the present in her bag this morning, and I didn’t notice until we got back from the school run. No matter, I thought, I’ll make sure she takes it tomorrow. Didn’t send an apology to the parents that the present wasn’t going to be there today as that felt a bit pointless since they didn’t respond to my other message.

Anyway, the dad has just WhatsApp’d me saying “Hope DD is better. X is looking forward to receiving her present :)”.

I don’t know why, but that has irritated me! Like, it’s a big grabby or they don’t believe I bought one or something?

I vented mildly to DH and he said “they just don’t believe you got a present, just send it in tomorrow”.

I know this isn’t a real problem and maybe I’m being unreasonable… but is that a kind of annoying message to send? It feels like they’re nagging me to give them stuff!

Oh my goodness, the party dad is being impossibly rude, I cannot believe this level of entitlement. You are not being unreasonable at all. I would give them a wide berth.

sonoonetoldyoulifewasgonnabethisway · 01/07/2025 08:55

YABU

He acknowledging that you got her a present. That's all

Obimumkinobi · 01/07/2025 08:51

I'm quick to take offence at any perceived sleight but I think this is a genuine, albeit clumsy, attempt to catch up with messages from the weekend and say something chatty. With it being a whole class party there will have been loads of presents, so I very much doubt they're holding their breath over yours, however nice it is.

To not send it now, having specifically made a point of promising it in your message, would seem strange on your part but I doubt they'd really care either way, as they're already staring at a stack of stuff they're counting down the days until they can take to the tip.

LimitedBrightSpots · 01/07/2025 08:43

TheyFuckYouUpYourMamAndDad · 01/07/2025 07:28

Rubbish 🤣 He wasn’t trying to be ‘chatty’ ffs! What man do you know who wants to be ‘chatty’ with a random mum? 🤦‍♀️ He was being a typical arsehole man…making sure ‘the woman’ knew exactly what he expected of her, which is ‘bring the fucking present!’

Male entitlement at its most blatant.

Show quote history

I am not a fan of men as a gender, particularly. I think they freeload on and exploit women extensively. I don't think a lot of them realise the extent to which they do it. But I think this is a stretch.

New2you · 01/07/2025 08:23

I think loss of tone and humour is lost in text here. I imagine the kid is really looking forward to the present. If you hadn’t said you’d send it in probably you’d never have received a message. I expect they are just excited and wanted their parent to remind

stayathomer · 01/07/2025 08:12

I wonder did your dd make a big deal of the present to the girl to make up for not having it after not making the party?

edited to add that’s something I’d have done as a child

crumblingschools · 01/07/2025 08:12

Why is it grabby when they were told there is a gift waiting for the child?

PopeJoan2 · 01/07/2025 08:06

Withdjsns · 30/06/2025 21:23

That’s rude, I wouldn’t expect a gift if a child couldn’t come to the party

But they already said they had one. The child probably IS looking forward to receiving it.

okydokethen · 01/07/2025 07:58

So rude and weird of them

Theseventhmagpie · 01/07/2025 07:51

NuffSaidSam · 30/06/2025 21:28

It reads like he's maybe responding to your original message because he didn't see it/meant to reply and didn't.

I'd send the present in like you said you would and think no more about it.

Maybe he meant well, maybe he's grabby. Doesn't really matter either way.

I agree with this. Just send in the present and move on. It just sounds like a poorly timed and poorly worded text.

Swipe left for the next trending thread