Is this normal for grief?

Yes it's normal, yes it sucks. I found therapy hugely helpful to me. It helped me to process what happened, which was a huge shock, and to release enough of it so that I could breathe again. I was holding on so tightly to my grief because it was all I had left of them. It still hurts, it will always hurt, but I am no longer stuck. Do consider grief counselling if you feel it might help you.

Yes, it’s normal. I’m so sorry x

I am so sorry , your loss is tremendous.
For the first year of losing my dad who i was close to i remember a feeling of shock , i was with him for hours before he went but not his actual passing ,i did sit with him afterwards, my brother was there til the end.
My dad was loud and a leader and i couldn't understand how someone so 'vital' could just not be here anymore, lots of times during that first year i had an overwhelming panic feeling to check with my brother that dad had really gone and i hadn't made a mistake , it was a weird experience.
I wasn't depressed either but very sad ,i still miss him every day and i am changed by the grief which i think happens to everyone when you lose someone you loved so much.
Everything you describe sounds normal to me but i would say don't expect your feelings and emotions to improve (if that's the right word )quickly because i feel that the passing of time after a bereavement is different to how we perceive the normal day to day passage of time.
My loss was different to yours as my dad was much older one of my siblings saw a councillor but they have never shared the experience with me ,i think a councillor could be good for you , they can give you strategies to help you through these raw emotions.
I hope you find some peace in time.

Hi OP, I’ve just lost my 56yo sister after a 3month cancer diagnosis. Like you, I struggle to think about what went through her head. A fit, healthy, vibrant woman with a toddler grandson planning a fun retirement.

I dream of her a lot, in the dreams she’s dressed up to the nines, active and looks healthy, so I get angry with her and accuse her of lying to me about being ill (in the dream of course). Over the last 3 years I’ve lost my mum, dad and sister, my birth family gone. I’ve learnt that everything you feel, everything, is normal. There are no rules around grief.

Sending love 💐

I do not think there is a “normal” when it comes to grieving, and I also don’t think there is anything wrong with support if you need it. Cruse can be really helpful.

There is a book by Thomas Harding called Kadian’s Story where he chronicles the first year of the loss of his son. You might find it interesting but in particular he talks about how one accommodates the loss-not getting over it as others seem to want a person to do, but accommodating the fact that your whole landscape has changed.

I’m so sorry.

Im the same. My dad died in his early 60s last year and im still in shock. Every time I think of him it’s almost like I make myself jump. It can’t be real that he doesn’t exist, as I’ve never been alive without him. It’s a weird dreamlike feeling. How can he not be here.

It is so normal. I am so very sorry to hear about your sister. I lost a close friend to cancer this year, 10wks from diagnosis to her death. It was traumatic and I think of her so much, like you how she felt about the diagnosis (and we did talk about it, but she had several brain tumours so I don’t think she had full understanding in the same was as if she didn’t have them). Grief is a very personal journey, even for each person. I’ve lost my dad and also my friend and it felt different. I miss my friend a lot as I saw her several times a week, so it’s been hard having to adjust to a new routine too. It must be incredibly hard for you as she was your sister.

Yes it is absolutely normal, and this is a shocking and traumatic loss that will be adding to the grief.

Im so sorry OP, I lost my sibling in a car accident and the shock almost killed me too.

Have you thought about counselling?

It’s normal, but that doesn’t make it any easier to live with. If you haven’t tried counselling yet, you probably should. It’s not for everyone but for some it helps so it’s got to be worth a try.

I don't think there is a normal for grief - it effects everyone differently. It tends to be harder to process if the loss was unexpected and sudden, particularly for younger family members.

If it would help to talk to someone you can call CRUSE bereavement charity, or often macmillan have support for relatives of someone who dies from cancer.

I've added some images that are sometimes helpful. The dual process model of grief matches your description (doing everyday tasks, but also actively grieving and adjusting). The other image shows how some people have mapped the process of grieving, the last box only really started at a year after loss for most.

A year is no time at all for grief. It is still all the very raw firsts - birthdays, anniversaries, christmas, etc.

I'm really sorry for your loss. Sibling bonds can be very important and they are often our longest life 'companions'. So this is an enormous loss for you and one year is still relatively early days. You might want to consider getting some counselling so you can talk it all through with somebody who can focus on you.

Yes, it's normal. The Victorians had the right idea. It's only recently people are expected to bounce back as if nothing happened. You never stop grieving, it just becomes smaller in time, and easier to bear.

Yea I would say it's normal. Counselling can help to talk through it all. So sorry for your loss.