Partner broke his hand during row over pregnancy - AIBU to not feel sorry for him?

What a great resource to share. Hopefully the OP can get the support her family needs.

Are you going to wait for him to smash things again? This is the first time but I bet it won't be the last time.

I wouldn't be with someone who punched something in such a rage that his hand is now broken.

I've never tolerated people who punch walls, throw things, name call etc it's all designed to control you and keep you quiet. There is never a second chance with me when those things are involved.

You have a young family. You need to know what your behavioural line is, as escalation to physical abuse typically happens over a period of time which is littered with incidents like these when you look back.

I'm sick to death of people like you, not really thinking of the kids at all....these poor kids will grow up likely to have emotional issues all of their own.

In that case, let him calm down and then discuss, it's no one's fault, it's just one of those things that can happen when you have sex. I do think you need to hear him out regarding an abortion and look at things practically. It's clearly distressing for him, but I'm sure an abortion would be distressing for you too, and he needs to understand that and show some empathy for you too.

You've only just found out your pregnant, and some posters seem to think you should already be on board with an abortion as if it's that easy for everyone. Take some time, think logically and talk it through. Good luck OP, its a really difficult situation to be in.

If you aren't antiabortion and you have a partner you love who has clearly told you they do not want a child, and who is self harming out of frustration at not being heard, and you already have a few kids, I think morally there really is no question here

Get him- or you to contact the lighthouse charity- theyre AMAZING!! they’re the only charity that helps men (and women) within the construction industry.
they might be able to help with his depression but also the lack of wages over the next few weeks.
lighthousecharity.org

Your husband is telling you loud and clear that he can’t handle another child. He needs help as is with the two. Focus on him and your existing children. Having another one would be very selfish.

Really tough on both of you. I don’t excuse his behaviour. Do either of you have a support network? Like does he get to spend time with other men, who have been through life struggles and you, do you have someone who is mature and you can chat with and ya know, talk stuff through ?
I don’t want to be patronising, if you have both grown up in care I understand it’s not the most stable emotional environment.
I know life is pretty much crap for most of us at times, just you both so young and maybe hoping you have good sound support?
Yes you right not to feel
sympathetic forwards him at the same time. Hitting out at walls, doors is a
sign or one step away from uncontrolled anger, next time it maybe someone who gets punched.

You don’t have to be anti abortion to consider that you’d be unable to terminate a pregnancy.

So what if he got help?
He has just told OP in no uncertain terms: he doesn't want another child.

Fair enough, this child wasn't planned. But:

he said I should have a termination but I honestly don’t know if I can go through with it. I’m not anti-abortion at all, just don’t know if I can.

Sorry but considering you aren't anti abortion I find this really selfish of you

I’m sick of being “kind” when it comes to children begin subjected to difficult living conditions with a parent/parents who are unable to care for them adequately, and then keep adding more children.

At the rate the OP and her boyfriend are going, she’ll be 25 with six children and that’s six children who are living with violent and unstable man.

So you can keep your “kindness”, it won’t serve those children well at all.

I would feel the same as you.

You’re both just barely out of childhood yourselves, although it may not feel it, and an incredibly difficult childhood on top of that. You need to be kind to yourself OP, tread carefully.

He got help. Just because you are suicidal at one point in your life, doesn’t mean the world writes you off. The real question here is - was it real. Some men (mostly the ones who punch walls in arguments), also threaten these things for maximum impact.

What an unkind thing to say.

I dont understand. He tried to kill himself when you were pregnant with your first child: what made you both think it would be a good idea to have more kids?

What contracepion are you both using?

Why on earth is he not using condoms? Abortions aren't a joke, they aren't a form of male contraception either. He's been so selfish to have unprotected sex with you when he doesn't want another child.

Having said that, it's done now, so you both need to take responsibility for the situation you're now in and have a frank chat about what to do next.

Those poor children.

A lot for all of you who have been through so much.
Carry on loving and looking after each other

I'm not surprised he's distressed. He's only 21, a poor mental health history and a 3rd baby on the way. I just can't imagine how stressful that is.

No sympathy for him as it’s his own fault. But you do need to consider your situation. It doesn’t sound like bringing another child into this is the right thing to do. No judgement, I had my 1st child at 16, so i’m no stranger to having children young. But you need to consider the children you’ve got, and what you can give them, what their life looks like. He’s going about things the wrong way, but ultimately he is right, in that a termination is the best option.

Respectfully, OP, this is not the situation to bring another baby into. Mentally robust people with stable childhoods would struggle with three small children by the age of 21, and your partner has significant issues. He needs help and you need cast-iron contraception and to be ready to get you and your children out of harm’s way if he escalates to violence.