HR rejected grievance I made against Colleague

Whaaaat? YABU for having a lip filler as they look awful and tacky. I must live under a rock as I have never heard of this term so if he had said that to me I'd have been none the wiser. Perhaps OP focus on the professional aspect at work and don't discuss cosmetic enhancements? Team HR here.

and the way that he termed it is clear innuendo wordplay for for vaginal (lips) intercourse (pumped).

Is this a common meaning, my friend always says she is "getting her lips pumped up"!

I’m failing to understand what you need a handhold for? Unless you’re embarrassed about making a fuss over nothing. HR have better things to do than police petty bickering.

He may well be a creep, but think you might have read too much into this one

How can you possibly know the intent? You could have taken it the wrong way.

Yeah I’m with HR here, it could be annoying but it wasn’t sexual…. Maybe this is an insecurity for you? I mean you are pumping your lips with filler

But you were getting your lips pumped with filler, so what did he say that was wrong?

Agreed.

Its clearly upset you but I'm struggling to understand how HR could/would uphold that tbh because what he said was "factual" as it were and a natural sounding sentance - in context it reads as lipfillers...its very ambiguous at best

Yeah ok, he has form for being really inappropriate. Creepy.

Honestly an older bloke who doesn’t know anything about fillers probably does think of it as literally pumping up your lips. When I had my fillers done I said to the doctor I didn’t want to look like he’s taken a bicycle pump to my face.

OP told us, he has form for innuendo and inappropriate comments. There are lots of times when the actual words can seem innocuous but are loaded with another meaning and the intention is usually crystal clear when that happens. He could have said she was having her filler topped up, but he used the word pumped. OP is quite right in reporting - its this 'funny banter' that can cause such a hostile environment to women. Hopefully it will be a shot across his boughs to be more careful. I cant stand people like this.

@nomoretreats@RobinHumphries@FrodoTheBlueWhippet

Are you seriously saying you don’t see the innuendo?

Omg run to hr quick - man who thinks hes funny isnt funny!!

There'd be no bloody men left in the workforce as ive yet to meet a funny one.

Fucking hell.

This has to be a joke 😅

Youre quite happy to have added to the workload of whoever had the misfortune of investigating this non issue, now whoever has to oversee the appeal, all over an off hand quip.

Do i think it was funny? No.
Do i think answering on your behalf was rude? Yes.
From the limited information youve given do i think this guy is probably a bit of a tool? Yes.

None of the above are and valid reasons to engage the grievance process. Using it so loosely like this is why actual, genuine sexual harrasment grievances are so rarely upheld.

If youre wise you wont push this further, but i would assume youre not

Running to HR every five minutes is the worst quality todays workforce has

I didn't either at first but then I got it!

Ffs to everyone saying this isn’t a lewd remark 🙄. Of course it was a play on words. Why did he need to answer the q for her for a start?? The question wasn’t addressed to him, even if he were genuinely being @factual” (he wasn’t). it’s personal- about her body! And none of his business.
He clearly thought he was being funny and OP says he has form. Having said that, I can see how HR can’t prove it. Hopefully they gave him a talking to about not saying things that could be misconstrued and minding his own business in the future. Hopefully just the fact of being reported has taught him a lesson.

Maybe I'm naive but I don't understand the innuendo

Has he made other comments to you? I would keep a record of his comments as I think this with no context could be seen differently (as seen on here).

As a stand alone comment I wouldn’t be offended but I don’t know him and I’m not you.

Because it’s a common thing to say in the context of getting lip filler. I would say the same thing, or at least think it.
Whether It was innuendo or sexual in nature depends entirely on how it was delivered. As none of us was there it’s impossible to conclude one way or another. Hence why HR made the correct decision they did.

Yes it is a sexual innuendo for having sex. But you will never be able to prove it was what he really meant so the creep will stay. I suggest writing every disgusting comment down in future, times, dates , directed at you or not. Everything in earshot all to be used at a letter date. The creep will learn the hard way. The more women give in to “aww it’s only (creep), he always talks like that” the more creeps get away with it.

I’m not being funny but you know that your HR colleagues aren’t the organisational police, don’t you?

I’ve worked in HR for a looong time and HR are there to support and guide the process… they may help with decision-making but 99.9% of the time they are supporting operational managers to make decisions.

If you’re not happy with the outcome, they should have offered you the right of appeal. You can still ask for that.

I get what you mean about the sexualised nature of the comment but you probably really needed to provide a lot more information about the context, tone, and why you think that he thought it was ok to do this. You should also have explained the outcome that you wanted.

If your own manager or another senior manager above you is allowing or enabling this behaviour generally, and is not open to assessing it, then that’s your actual problem.

Also really consider carefully people who say ‘you could go to ACAS and get a settlement’. In many cases you have to be so incredibly distressed at what has happened to resign with immediate effect. So don’t take that path lightly or think it’s an option unless (sadly) something pretty abhorrent happens to you.

FWIW I think the comment is probably marginal. But you should be able to speak out about a culture at work that is fundamentally sexist or inappropriately sexualised.

In your shoes I’d be looking for another job… the culture is very unlikely to change there without significant changes to senior leadership, and I just wouldn’t want to work in that sort of environment.

Am I missing something? You went to HR because he said you were getting your lips pumped?

If this is for real, good for HR. Ridiculous.

Totally agree. And was it a misspeak from plumped to pumped.

Sorry OP I agree with HR. Totally non issue.

Such a prevalent cultural norm in the UK to run to HR over everything. Yeah I can back this up with stats and amount of grievances in the UK versus western countries.

That's what I thought. If the colleague - who had a strong case - had complained first, OP's complaint coming on the back of that would start to show a pattern of evidence.