HR rejected grievance I made against Colleague

It absolutely wasn’t. But has enough plausible deniability that on paper it can be claimed to be.

Lots of people refer to it as “pumped” - a PP linked to a BBC article using that exact phrase.

Didn’t you say in your previous post that you had to have this explained to you, or did I misunderstand what you meant?

If so, it’s not really surprising that so many PP didn’t get the innuendo either.

I’m well aware of the use of pumped as an adjective for sex. But I have never heard sex described as getting your “lips pumped”. If that’s what’s happening, someone needs a sex ed lesson as they’re doing it wrong 😂😂😂

Some people don’t automatically link that word to sex. Meghan Markle used the phrase “pump-pump” in her kids’ book!

I do think though that he sounds like an arse in general. And I think he said OP was getting her lips pumped as he was being derogatory about fillers (which isn’t a HR offence).

I would say keep your personal business to yourself in the future OP and if he’s as bad as you say, then just use a better example to report him again. I think this was probably a poor move by you, if I’m honest.

from google

"Innuendo using the word "pumping" often relates to sexual activity, specifically intercourse. It can also be used to describe the act of giving someone information or trying to excite them, but the sexual meaning is the most common interpretation in slang. "

As a relatively reasonable person, who loves a double entendre, if I walked into my office and said "hey, where's whoever," and someone replied, "getting her lips pumped," I would understand that she was getting fillers. Maybe this man has formed for being disgusting but I wouldn't have gone to HR with this particular comment. Surely if he has form there are other more straightforward comments that you could have gone to HR about.

I've worked in Diversity and Inclusion for 25 years, advising people on how to handle discrimination and bullying in the workplace.

You overreacted, you are oversensitive. You were getting your lips pumped. You told everyone this (why?)

If he has made sexual remarks before you need to document these and build a case showing this is a pattern of behaviour from him. Ideally you should speak to him yourself, or have his manager speak to him, to make him understand how he's making you feel rather than going straight yo a grievance.

Innuendo for WHAT though?! It’s as much innuendo as me telling a colleague to get an early night because they’re yawning, and mean they should be going to have sex to wake them up. It just isn’t innuendo. Even if we winked and pointed at his groin while saying it, I’d still struggle to piece together what he was getting at as taking it to mean sex and labia is a reach.

Can you find one example on the internet of pumped lips meaning something sexual?

As per the acas guidelines you have the right to appeal. I would suggest doing so & clearly explaining why & also what outcome you’re looking for. You need to be realistic here as clearly they haven’t considered it to be gross misconduct, this stance is likely to change. So what are you looking for? An apology? For him to do some training on sexual harassment? For you to move teams? You shouldn’t have to move but sounds like it may be more likely than them moving him if they consider him to have done nothing wrong.

may also be worth talking to them about the new legislation that came in last year: The worker protection act 2023, 2024 amendment. https://www.acas.org.uk/sexual-harassment/steps-for-employers-to-prevent-sexual-harassment

If you want further guidance I’d suggest calling ACAS.

I do think here the key thing is you should really think about what you want to achieve & what is realistic for you to achieve & then decide on next steps.

I hope you’re okay OP. Even if (and it is an if) he didn’t say it in a sexual manner it’s clearly made you uncomfortable & you don’t deserve that at work. Hope the above has helped.

I'm struggling to see how that's a grievance... You told a colleague that's what you were having done ... He repeated it ...
They are right not to uphold that grievance. It wouldn't occur to me that that was sexist. I think you're looking for issues where their aren't any !

It’s a stretch to argue that the comment was NOT innuendo.

But as posts make clear it’s plausible, in isolation. This wasn’t in isolation but HR haven’t identified that.

If you read the OPs post, he has form for a history of this so she is not just responding to one remark. It is part of a pattern. I think unfortunately it is much more likely to be him who has a dirty mind than anyone else.

Exactly this! You were getting your lips pumped. You have made this into an innuendo - he was stating a fact. And why oh why do you share this sort of information with your colleagues?
I’m with HR on this

I’m sorry you are upset OP.

Is the male colleague ND?

I have a colleague who left to his own devices has no filter with his language and has made inappropriate comments in the past as he doesn’t fully understand what he is saying or how it could misinterpreted.

We work hard to keep his comments appropriate (and we also have a duty of care to support him in the workplace and to make the necessary reasonable adjustments to support him in the workplace). He can do the job we need him to do just fine. He just doesn’t think sometimes before opening his mouth.

Honestly it’s a nightmare managing teams in todays workplace.

He won't stop, because he won't think he's done anything wrong. He said you were getting your lips pumped, which you were, with filler. And HR agreed with him. So all that's happened here is you've made a tit out of yourself.

So many innocent minds on mumsnet!

it is absolutely innuendo. But I suppose that’s the problem. On the face of it, it could be an entirely innocent comment, but it also has a double meaning. He knew that.

im guessing also the context meant it was said in a ‘nudge nudge, wink wink’ fashion. Also it sounds like he said it to get a laugh which again points to it being double entendre.

Honestly I see this as no worse really than him chipping in and saying ‘she’s getting her roots done’.

Probably a bit over-familiar and rude but then you have been discussing your cosmetic procedures with your colleagues.

That’s not to say he’s not creepy generally, but I think that’s a separate issue of which this may be a very narrow/weak example.

It’s absolutely not clear. In fact, a Google for getting lips pumped just returns results about lip filler, and “lip pumped sex” returns mostly lip products and one porn page which shows women with lip filler.

It’s not a sexual comment, and you really need to contort yourself in a way that most people (and search engines) wouldn’t.

Yeah but you blow up a balloon and pump petrol into a car so it’s not beyond any stretch of the imagination to say pumped.

This is totally stretching it. Some people clearly have dirty minds and it’s not him

Yep, even the BBC!

Are you hoping to get him sacked?

They are being filled not pumped.

Without knowing what was said there’s no way to give my opinion on what I think x

Seriously?! I would never have got that from his comment at all. And I don't think I'm all that naive.

I guess it's hard to tell without context and tone, OP.

It can refer to orak too, which makes it less of a stretch. I would have reported what he said to the other woman as well.

I also wouldn't have thought much of it, as it never occured to me to think of other lips. I wouldn't have liked a man commenting on what I was doing to my body but on the other hand, I'd never get my lips filled.

Also we don't know how full your lips are, perhaps they do look 'pumped'? I mean some do look very over the top.

I'd also never share with anyone any of the cosmetic treatments I'm doing... it's a bit odd isn't it? It's like saying I'm not happy with this aspect of myself in everyone else's eyes, so to please you all and make myself less insecure, I'm going to alter myself so I fit the world view of what beauty is.

Just weird. I've found people who share their stuff like Katie Price really insecure about their whole physical self. It's almost like some sort of competition to show how much needs changing to somehow achieve 'perfection' - but in whose eyes?