Page 15 | HR rejected grievance I made against Colleague

RockNRoll25 · 2025-06-30T17:11:52+00:00

Looking for a bit of a hand hold. I submitted a grievance against a male colleague for a comment he made about me which was sexual in nature. HR have investigated and closed the case after speaking to him and accepting his explanation that his comment wasn’t sexual. It absolutely was an inappropriate innuendo and I’m really surprised by the response. Has anyone been in a similar position - would you try to find another job, or ask to be moved teams?

dottydaily · 30/06/2025 23:36

I don't see a problem with what he actually said.perhaps tone and body language was suggestive..

LillyPJ · 30/06/2025 23:33

BunnyVV · 30/06/2025 19:21

I can’t believe everyone here who doesn’t understand. Nobody refers to lip filler as getting lips pumped. Nobody.
nobody has a right to answer a question intended for someone else.
the fact he did interrupt and ensure he answered first shows he knew his intention was for everyone to hear the innuendo.
the only reference I know to pumped is sexual. The common word for facial lips is filled and nothing else.
this man intentionally used the word pumped. And he interrupted as he wanted everyone to hear.
HR have a duty to protect you from sexual harassment.

Nobody? You are entirely wrong there! I've probably used the phrase myself and I certainly didn't mean anything sexual. I'd just take it that he meant they looked pumped up (like tyres) when they've been done.

LillyPJ · 30/06/2025 23:26

I don't see how him saying you're getting your 'lips pumped' is either inaccurate or sexual. You say it was innuendo but it seems to me that you've gone out of your way to see innuendo hen there wasn't any. It's just a snarky comment.

Fauxligarchy · 30/06/2025 23:23

PaterPower · 30/06/2025 18:24

Maybe it was the way he said it but, on the face of it, it’s a stretch to see sexual innuendo in “getting her lips pumped”

Not if you are Scottish

saraclara · 30/06/2025 23:21

I didn't get it either. And I've definitely heard having lip filler described as having lips pumped, without any innuendo at all (in the media).

So yes, if he has form, you should have waited until he said something more clearly 'off' if you wanted HR to take it seriously.

Tiswa · 30/06/2025 23:18

But it doesn’t mean it was either and I think in this situation there is a factual meaning, one which is in common circulation and whose meaning cannot be argued. That is lips getting pumped is one way of saying that the OP was having her lips filled which (and this is crucial) she was. That is an objective opinion.

now whether or not there was a subtext, a smutty innuendo or a double entendre is subjective. I can see there might be and I can see there might not be. But there is no way to prove that.

now had she not being having lip filler bad either way

Negroany · 30/06/2025 23:15

Swirlythingy2025 · 30/06/2025 22:38

quick hr question please if possible?

if your in a team say 6 workers all same level doing same work at a warehouse but you get one that wants to act as boss even though they are not the boss and have not been told they are the boss etc and are basically telling different members of the team what to do or when not to talk or be faster etc even though they do not need to, as they are effectively bossing others about what from a hr perspective would that fall under if others went to hr about that worker ?

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Possibly harassment.

Negroany · 30/06/2025 23:12

RockNRoll25 · 30/06/2025 18:20

Apologies, reading back it’s probably difficult to comment without the context.

Basically - I had a random day off and one of the things I was doing was getting my lip filler topped up. Most of my colleagues knew this. Another colleague asked me what I was doing with my day off (in ear shot of the colleague I complained about) and he said ‘she’s getting her lips pumped’.

He is the oldest member on the team and makes inappropriate jokes most days which people pass off as ‘that’s just X being X’. He knew exactly what he was doing making that comment.

Well, I have no idea how you think that's an innuendo. It's a bit offhand, dismissive, but it's not a double entendre or sexual at all.

Theresabookinme · 30/06/2025 23:11

CJsGoldfish · 30/06/2025 22:19

My mind is far from innocent, especially having worked for far too many years at a time when women had no real recourse to sexual innuendo and harassment, which was rife.
I'm usually all over sexual innuendo but I simply did not understand the issue here. I did not immediately think 'lips' = labia. I was trying to figure out how it was sexual and all I came up with was maybe it was something to do with a blow job 🤷‍♀️
I, and those I know have always referred to fillers as being 'pumped'. I thought OP went to HR because he was rude by jumping in and sneering at her having her lips injected. Or 'pumped' which I've heard more often these days as "pumped full of adrenaline" Or "pumped full of hormones" which refers to having something injected.
People judge pumped up lips. On the face. All the time. So it is not immediately obvious, and for some, it's a stretch to apply anything other than injecting whatever it is they inject to make puffy lips.

One grievance to HR over one comment that isn't obviously anything other than a mean judgement isn't going to be upheld. Especially if no one else has complained and there is no documented pattern of sexual harassment

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But just because you didn’t understand the innuendo doesn’t mean it wasn’t there. I don’t get why people aren’t comprehending that.

Lots of people on this thread have agreed with OP that it sounds like a potentially creepy comment, so it’s fair to say some people would find this creepy.

also- the policy in my workplace is that an individual can still be guilty of making someone uncomfortable, bullied, Intimidated or discriminated against even if it isn’t intentional.

there is room for there to have been a misunderstanding, but for a claim to be upheld.

usually, it results in a warning to the ‘perpetrator’ being given a warning.

i agree that in OP’s case, it’s difficult to say he is guilty of making inappropriate remarks, but it doesn’t mean he is innocent.

BastardesEverywhere · 30/06/2025 23:11

😂

Oh op. You've made a right tit of yourself. I can't actually believe you submitted an official complaint over it 🙈

I bet HR had a proper chuckle too...of COURSE they were not going to uphold your complaint, it's barmy.

Theroadt · 30/06/2025 23:11

Crumpet727 · 30/06/2025 18:24

I’m not sure I see anything wrong with what he said. I’m not surprised HR has taken no further action.

This. Honestly I can’t see how it was “sexual”

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 30/06/2025 23:07

RockNRoll25 · 30/06/2025 18:20

Apologies, reading back it’s probably difficult to comment without the context.

Basically - I had a random day off and one of the things I was doing was getting my lip filler topped up. Most of my colleagues knew this. Another colleague asked me what I was doing with my day off (in ear shot of the colleague I complained about) and he said ‘she’s getting her lips pumped’.

He is the oldest member on the team and makes inappropriate jokes most days which people pass off as ‘that’s just X being X’. He knew exactly what he was doing making that comment.

I don't think that's sexual at all.

Sounds like a malapropism - He probably meant to say "getting lips pLumped"

Byebyechicken · 30/06/2025 23:04

What would you have preferred he said?
Getting your lips filled? That has the same feel about it as getting your lips pumped.
If you'd have preferred him to say nothing, why discuss the subject at work at all?

AllThisBatshitteryAndMore · 30/06/2025 23:02

RockNRoll25 · 30/06/2025 18:20

Apologies, reading back it’s probably difficult to comment without the context.

Basically - I had a random day off and one of the things I was doing was getting my lip filler topped up. Most of my colleagues knew this. Another colleague asked me what I was doing with my day off (in ear shot of the colleague I complained about) and he said ‘she’s getting her lips pumped’.

He is the oldest member on the team and makes inappropriate jokes most days which people pass off as ‘that’s just X being X’. He knew exactly what he was doing making that comment.

Doesn't sound inappropriate though? Did he say it in a lavicious way?

Ilikemymenlikeilikemycoffee · 30/06/2025 22:57

Yeah I think you’re overreacting as he literally said what you were having done!

andherewegoagainonmyown · 30/06/2025 22:56

You overreacted

Swirlythingy2025 · 30/06/2025 22:43

TesChique · 30/06/2025 22:41

Hr does not exist to sort petty squabbles.

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true they exist to protect the company and not the workers.
but that said it seems the workers behaviour to come under as criticism of others work and by extension a form of bullying according to acas, ?

TesChique · 30/06/2025 22:41

Swirlythingy2025 · 30/06/2025 22:38

quick hr question please if possible?

if your in a team say 6 workers all same level doing same work at a warehouse but you get one that wants to act as boss even though they are not the boss and have not been told they are the boss etc and are basically telling different members of the team what to do or when not to talk or be faster etc even though they do not need to, as they are effectively bossing others about what from a hr perspective would that fall under if others went to hr about that worker ?

Show quote history

Hr does not exist to sort petty squabbles.

Swirlythingy2025 · 30/06/2025 22:38

HAB75 · 30/06/2025 19:18

I used to be HR. You'd have massively struggled to get that one past me. There could be innuendo, of a Carry On nature, but surely it could also just be descriptive. I don't know the correct terms, as I've oddly never known anyone well who gets lip filler, but surely a pump or syringe is used to put the stuff in.

I also think they would be in a very weak position if they had tried to discipline him on that one example, and he may have kicked back. You really have to be able to nail someone through a grievance.

I'm not saying that you weren't upset, I'm not negating you feeling upset, but I'd suggest that you didn't have enough to raise a grievance - there was too much ambiguity.

This will now go two ways. You may actually have achieved something good anyway - he will accept a warning shot across his bow and will rein it in. Otherwise, he will grow bold in defiance and one of you will actually be able to nail him for something far less ambiguous. I really hope it will be the former - that will be more pleasant for you all overall.

Unfortunately you win a few, you lose a few.

quick hr question please if possible?

if your in a team say 6 workers all same level doing same work at a warehouse but you get one that wants to act as boss even though they are not the boss and have not been told they are the boss etc and are basically telling different members of the team what to do or when not to talk or be faster etc even though they do not need to, as they are effectively bossing others about what from a hr perspective would that fall under if others went to hr about that worker ?

mommatoone · 30/06/2025 22:33

Have I missed something here? You had a random day off to get lip filler. Your (male) colleague said you had been off to have your lips pumped?...... But that's exactly what you did (factual)🥴. Sorry, maybe I'm too old for this shit🤣

TY78910 · 30/06/2025 22:32

It’s your word against his. You say he intended it in X way, he said he didn’t. That’s that - HR are there to remove the emotion out of it and look at things factually. You can be upset about it as it was (to you, I wouldn’t have cared) inappropriate, but as far as any sanctions go, he wouldn’t get one for this. The only thing you and the rest of the girls in the office can do is keep raising / informing HR of these things to show a pattern of behaviour, but personally I just wouldn’t stir the pot so much.

TheeNotoriousPIG · 30/06/2025 22:31

I made a grievance against my manager. It got thrown out by HR... because, on being spoken to, my manager denied everything. This was despite the fact that I'd written everything down, other people have made previous grievances against him, and he is widely known for his sexism and general bad attitude.

However, since then, my manager has been a lot more restrained in his attitude towards me and certain other members of staff. We all continue to like our job (most of the time!), but just not our manager!

I was told that I could appeal the decision, but decided against it, because I'd be lucky to find anyone else with the balls to stand up to him. They'd been worn down by him for years and conditioned to it...

Thatladdo · 30/06/2025 22:24

😆Grow up!

I'd be interested to know what your desired outcome would have been.

Maybe loose him his job because your an overly sensitive trouble maker?
Good luck with working in that team now, you probably need to look for alternative employment now because now everyone will feel like they are walking on eggshells around you.

Childish.

Greenjack · 30/06/2025 22:23

BunnyVV · 30/06/2025 19:21

I can’t believe everyone here who doesn’t understand. Nobody refers to lip filler as getting lips pumped. Nobody.
nobody has a right to answer a question intended for someone else.
the fact he did interrupt and ensure he answered first shows he knew his intention was for everyone to hear the innuendo.
the only reference I know to pumped is sexual. The common word for facial lips is filled and nothing else.
this man intentionally used the word pumped. And he interrupted as he wanted everyone to hear.
HR have a duty to protect you from sexual harassment.

I agree. It's innuendo. He wouldn't be interested in you having a manicure and jump in to tell everyone about it.

He's gross but clever enough to leave it ambiguous. Hopefully you've spooked hin enough so he leaves you alone going forward.

prelovedusername · 30/06/2025 22:22

BunnyVV · 30/06/2025 19:21

I can’t believe everyone here who doesn’t understand. Nobody refers to lip filler as getting lips pumped. Nobody.
nobody has a right to answer a question intended for someone else.
the fact he did interrupt and ensure he answered first shows he knew his intention was for everyone to hear the innuendo.
the only reference I know to pumped is sexual. The common word for facial lips is filled and nothing else.
this man intentionally used the word pumped. And he interrupted as he wanted everyone to hear.
HR have a duty to protect you from sexual harassment.

It’s not just the words though is it? It’s tone, facial expression. Why did he feel the need to answer? Did he try and engage anyone else’s eye contact during the exchange? Did anyone else feel uncomfortable with his comment? I think it could easily be interpreted as a lewd comment and the OP will know better than anyone here whether that’s typical of him.