Do you think smoking weed every night is cause for concern?

If he drives afterwards, or is left in charge of a child afterwards, it is a concern.
He's also setting a terrible example to your children.

Just as a bit of balance on this thread (and OP I don’t think MN is the best placed for a balanced opinion on drug or alcohol use)). I used to smoke weed daily when my DC were growing up (before and after having them, not while pregnant). I used to do this to chill out and relax of an evening similar to your DH. I did not smoke around the DC but tbh I don’t feel it’s a negative thing to do and so it’s not something I particularly hid. It made me more relaxed, more fun to be around and tbh I really miss it. I was definitely happier when I was smoking! Unfortunately I can’t do it now as have developed autoimmune disease (nothing to do with weed use) and it’s obviously not a good idea to be smoking anything anyway, especially as we get older.

My DC both say they had the best childhood! They are also both remarkably happy and well adjusted and successful. Surprisingly so! I had a lot of trauma in my upbringing, and my mum in particular passed down a lot of her trauma from her abusive childhood to me, and I was absolutely desperate not do the same to my DC, but was never sure if this was working, but given how they’ve turned out it seems it did thankfully!

I used weed to self-medicate in part; it helped with my MH struggles (these were blindingly apparent before any weed use) and my ADHD, but I don’t see that as any different to taking ADs or ADHD medication and they worked well for me; it made me a more relaxed and happier and therefore better parent, and it also helped a lot with lack of motivation from ADHD. And it didn’t stop me working, or raising and advocating for my children, or making sure they attended medical appts etc etc. They were well cared for, attended to, and loved. And they would tell you the same. I have an excellent relationship with them now as adults, and we talk about everything openly and honestly. Including their childhood.

So for me, I don’t think it’s automatically problematic it depends on how it affects your DH and his ability to parent. Does it make him a better or worse parent? Does it make him check out of family life, or does he use it to chill but is otherwise an engaged and caring parent?

Many people still seem to have a knee jerk reaction to recreational drug use, I think it’s much more nuanced. It was only a positive thing for me. Yes they can have negative effects (as can alcohol) but people have been using psychoactive substances for thousands of years - so I think they are part of being human and can be beneficial (as we’ve seen recently with the research coming out about psilocybin and how it can help some serious mental health conditions) when respected and used appropriately.

I’ve name changed for this as I suspect I will be jumped on, I hope not as there are already plenty of posts offering the counter opinion, so just posted for a bit of balance. With this in mind I probably won’t engage with any responses as I haven’t posted to debate the pros and cons, and am already very certain of my opinion on this, as I am sure other posters are sure of their contrary opinion.

Of course it’s a big deal and if you think it’s not going to negatively impact your children because he doesn’t do it around them you’re kidding yourself.

Second hand smoking is a thing. It’s on your husbands skin and clothes and everywhere in the house because of that.

Also you may think your children don’t know what he’s doing but they’re not stupid and they will figure it out if they haven’t already.

Do you really want your children to be talking about their childhood once they’re adults and be saying that their Dad smoked weed daily?

Not only does it have huge effects on health and mental health it’s expensive. Surely you could be doing better things for the family with the money he’s wasting on weed.

@L1ghyn1ngBug Once an accusation is made regarding taking of drugs by a parent seeking contact or enhanced contact with dc, the family court will want to know if it’s true or not. They would also look into mental health issues if they were referenced too by requiring medical reports. So the court will order tests to be carried out. Parents should not lie about what they do in front of a judge either.

Most consumption of recreational drugs supports modern slavery in some form, either in the UK or elsewhere in the world. I've known some hypocritical people on this matter.

It's no good protesting about slavery in the past if you use recreational drugs. British people in the past consumed sugar, tobacco and cotton and didn't worry about, or question how it was produced and now we criticise them for it!!

But he is supporting dealers which supports gangs, and he has young children, but he wouldn't want them walking past the people he supports on a dark night! Buying a bottle of wine from Tesco does not support criminal activity.

As the child of parents who chain smoked i pitty your children.

Trust me, you may think you are keeping them away from it but as with nearly all of the smokers i have encountered over the years (Both my brothers took it up) they go nose blind.

My friends knew my parents smoked. Not because they witnessed it, but because my clothes smelt of it. They knew because even though my mum and dad didnt smoke when we had visitors, the house stank of it. The dust it causes on everything. The film of crap it builds up on everything. Electrical devices with smokers dust inside and out.

Now, times this by 10 because weed stinks of shit. And thats where you are at. I absolutely guarentee your neighbours think you are smelly bastards.

I'm with you on this!

I'm so tired of hearing people say, in a knowing or superior way, that ALL young people do drugs. Well my (now adult) children didn't/don't, and I know this for sure. I won't bore MN with how I know - but I do. They're both very, very health conscious and well-informed about drugs. They've had to share flats with weed smokers and didn't like that. They're active, sporty and busy and the whole ambience of people sitting, dull-eyed and stoned, while sucking on a joint doesn't appeal.

I've even had people tell me that I must have taken drugs in my youth! But I MUST have! Er, no. It's just never appealed to me, and the image of taking drugs is not one I've ever wanted to aspire to.

My worry would be, if he smokes it every night, he doesn’t see it as an issue.
If he was looking after the children on his own, I very much doubt he won’t be smoking it, because it’s such a part of his life and you have normalised it as a family.

if the children needed medical attention, he may not be ‘with it’ enough to be able to tend to their needs and he certainly shouldn’t be driving if they needed to go somewhere.

Also, your 12 year old is getting older, they aren’t stupid… and it is 100% being normalised for them!

The other stuff, MH, cost is all on him to make his decisions as a grown adult…

AIBU to think it's not so different from having a few beers in the evening (tbf he has those too)?
A few beers every evening? Yeah, that's problem drinking and an issue on its own, but at least it doesn't inflict the dreadful stench on your neighbours.

Who would order a hair test?

Recommendations of alcohol are to have alcohol free days and one unit is only 175ml

@L1ghyn1ngBug Yes. It would be a problem! They would order a hair test and it would not end well. Of course it’s worse than 1 glass of wine each night. They within our health guidelines. Anyone condoning smoking a joint every night is an idiot. No wonder we have an explosion of mh issues! The smell!!! Yuk.

and just drink half a glass of sherry at Christmas

Bingo.

I do think smoking weed every night is an issue.

I agree with this. I also have a persistent weed smoking relative in their 60s whose mental health has been affected by the habit.

I'm on the fence about weed smoking in general. My main issues are that it is psychologically addictive for some people and that it funds criminal activities - I live in an area where county lines is a big problem. As it is illegal it isn't regulated and some of the stuff you get these days is far more potent than the stuff I used to be around in the 1970s.

If someone wants to grow it for themselves then I don't have a problem with it.

In this case the fact that the husband has to have it every day is a problem and he clearly has developed some kind of reliance on it.

I also think that the OP is in denial about it affecting the neighbours, and this is probably why they aren't very friendly. She clearly hasn't read the many posts on mumsnet from posters who have to put up with their neighbours' weed habits.

Agree with others. Your DH is part of the county lines problem that is absolutely destroying the lives of young people.

Ultimately it is not legal and he is supporting criminal activity, get him to understand county lines for instance. Not acceptable ever. Not interested in the booze is just as bad debate as a counter argument.

Any addiction is a weakness, sometimes they are born of tragedy but I personally wouldn’t want to be with someone who was that weak willed.

The people who are most vitriolic and who swear while being vitriolic are usually the ones who have literally no experience of weed and just drink half a glass of sherry at Christmas (they really can’t manage any more) and would never use a swear word in real life.
for what it’s worth, I do think smoking weed every night is an issue. But I also know that it is a very nuanced issue. I know a high flying young man who does so. But I also have two relatives in their sixties, who I think have wasted their lives smoking weed and dreaming when they could have achieved those dreams if their heads had been clearer.

Every night? Gross (the smell!), suggests addiction and deeply inappropriate around kids. This is really bad.

Ah, the people I know all had a referral via their GP so apologies if I’d offered incorrect information.

he's just a nicer person to be around after a couple of solids so I don't condone it.

He's a nicer person because he's getting his fix; he's irritable when he's out because he's thinking about getting home for a smoke and a beer. I say that as someone who's used cigs, weed and alcohol to self medicate throughout my 20s. It's easy to convince yourself because you're only smoking a couple of joints and drinking a couple of beers a night that it's fine because you're not getting shit faced.

I'm glad my parents were really anti drugs and I only tried weed once I'd left home. If they we're ok with me smoking it as a teen I think I would probably never have quit and my mental health would be much worse now.

Yes they stink

It sticks to everything it permineates the house the smoker brings it in with them on their clothes and it seeps through their pores, regular weed smokers permanently smell, as do cigarette smokers, I am in no doubt the poster posting about it sticking to kids school books was telling the truth,

I used to work at a specialist playgroup and a lot of the babies and toddlers clothes and things had a weedy aroma.

It depends on what he’s smoking, half a small joint is ok and no worse than a glass of wine. It’s a crutch. Frankly I’d be just as concerned as somebody relying on wine every night

If there is a court case about where dc live following a divorce this would 100% be raised as an issue. So it’s not acceptable. It’s an addiction and can lead to severe mh issues. It’s very foolish too. As drinking to excess would be. 1 glass of wine a night isn't excessive and within guidelines.

That’s not what ops husband does, so it still stands- he is funding dealers

That said every night would worry me but a glass of wine or a beer every night would too.

Not least because of the cost!