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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell the school my child will NOT go to detention..

629 replies

Nataliaa · 30/06/2025 17:22

DD year 7 has been given a 30 minute detention tomorrow afternoon, after school. Since starting secondary, she has received 2 detentions- 1 for forgetting her PE shorts and 1 for not completing homework.
I fully supported the school and the consequences DD had to face on these 2 occasions. She did learn from each time and since then, she has always been organised with PE kit and completing homework.
DD is well behaved, works hard and all school reports have been brilliant so we have no concerns.

Back to today… it is 31 degrees and the school allowed blazers to be left at home, but still expected the children to be in their shirt, ties and trousers (the school recently banned skirts, and does not allow shorts so all children are in trousers. All year round)

During lunch break, DD loosened her tie and untucked her shirt as she was so hot and sweaty… and then forgot to tuck in her shirt and redo tie before going back in.
She walked into English and straight away the teacher told her to tuck the shirt in and do tie, which she did.
Then whilst sat down she untucked the shirt again… she then got up for something and the teacher noticed the shirt untucked and as she had already been told once, she was given the detention.
DD tried to explain she was just so hot and sweaty, she felt she couldn’t concentrate and loosening the shirt helped.. she was then told off for answering back.

I do not agree with this detention at all. Other local schools have let kids go in wearing PE kits in this heat. The teacher was not wearing shirt and tie- she was wearing a floaty and cool summer dress.
I can’t think for the life of me how an untucked shirt would affect DD’s education, and why it’s more important to stick to a strict dress code rather than doing whatever is comfortable in this heat!!

I have never been in the position to disagree with the school, and not sure what would happen if I refuse to let DD go to this detention… also not sure if that’s setting the wrong message to DD, as I always encourage following school rules!!

Any advice? Is this a hill worth dying on? What would you do?

OP posts:
FumingTRex · 30/06/2025 17:48

I would separate the two issues - so encourage your DD to go to the detention and take it on the chin, but also let her know you will be complaining about the uniform policy. To be fair to the teacher, she has to enforce this ridiculous policy and may not agree with it herself.

BlueRin5eBrigade · 30/06/2025 17:48

It's actually willful disobedience. She was asked to tuck it in and she did. That was her chance. Everything after that was giving the teacher the bird. Ultimately, if you don't like the rules or the uniform policy then change schools. Your child isn't any more special than every other kid in her school. The rules apply to her.

Livpool · 30/06/2025 17:47

That’s ridiculous. DS is in primary school but today they were all told to come in in PE kits (shorts and t shirt)

Cynic17 · 30/06/2025 17:45

Sounds like she answered back, so she needs to suck up the detention and learn from it.

HelpMeGetThrough · 30/06/2025 17:44

iwillcallhimgeorge · 30/06/2025 17:32

Yanbu but good luck in fighting it. My DCs sadly go to a school where they are ridiculous about uniform. I will never understand it but complaining about it has got me nowhere.

Nothing to fight. School is told she isn’t attending the detention.

NestEmptying · 30/06/2025 17:43

I would maybe ask for clarification and speak to the teacher involved before you decide if you want to die on this hill. Get the whole story.

Your child will only be telling their side of the story. Maybe she was rude.

Helpmeplease2025 · 30/06/2025 17:42

Yabu, as the detention is for breaking a rule again two seconds after she was told not to, and answering back.

AngelinaFibres · 30/06/2025 17:42

SALaw · 30/06/2025 17:39

Agreed. Us Scots just look on aghast. See also fines for a few days off.

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Yes but the Scottish education system is currently in the toilet so .....

OneGiddyRubyViewer · 30/06/2025 17:42

SALaw · 30/06/2025 17:39

Agreed. Us Scots just look on aghast. See also fines for a few days off.

Show quote history

i remember being shocked when I moved to Scotland. Kids wearing hot pants to school and having their ties loosened. I wore my black jeans.

when I lived in England they were sooo strict about uniform, and shoes had to be bought from an approved place, everything with school logo on

NC28 · 30/06/2025 17:42

Do you know if the other kids managing to wear the uniform without complaint?

I do agree in general about relaxing uniform requirements on days that are unusually hot, seems a bit anal to be so strict irrespective of the bigger picture.

GonnaeNoDaeThatJustGonnaeNo · 30/06/2025 17:42

SALaw · 30/06/2025 17:39

Agreed. Us Scots just look on aghast. See also fines for a few days off.

Show quote history

And also not really having catchment areas and kids being spread across different schools.

am also Scottish

LucyCheesey · 30/06/2025 17:42

Can you ask for risk assessment of how they manage heat in classroom with such a silly uniform rule?

I would let her do the detention for answering back but would query their uniform policy

SALaw · 30/06/2025 17:42

@Nataliaa they aren’t dressed like they are off to the office - I work in a large law firm and people very rarely wear suits and ties these days.

OneGiddyRubyViewer · 30/06/2025 17:41

No I wouldn’t do anything. She disobeyed the teacher, she takes the punishment- even if it is a bit harsh.

mysecretshame · 30/06/2025 17:40

Superhansrantowindsor · 30/06/2025 17:35

It wasn’t the untucked shirt. It was the answering back. But I agree it’s too warm for collar and tie.

Yeah, it's not really about the shirt, it's answering teachers back about anything.
I think I'd do the detention but I'd try to push a bit more on permission to loosen tie/shirt for the rest of the term.

alcoholnightmare · 30/06/2025 17:40

Hankunamatata · 30/06/2025 17:36

She was told to tuck her shirt in the she deliberately undid it when teacher wasnt looking - that could be construed as basically giving the teacher the finger

And then she answered back.

whilst I think a tie and a shorts ban is ridiculous, I think your daughter was cheeky here. This isn’t about the uniform, it’s about her attitude.

SALaw · 30/06/2025 17:39

GonnaeNoDaeThatJustGonnaeNo · 30/06/2025 17:24

The way English schools behave over uniform is nuts.

Agreed. Us Scots just look on aghast. See also fines for a few days off.

Jumpthewaves · 30/06/2025 17:39

Sounds like she was rude, answered back and repeated the behaviour she had initially been reminded about. School are being completely reasonable.

Original poster
Nataliaa · 30/06/2025 17:38

Superhansrantowindsor · 30/06/2025 17:35

It wasn’t the untucked shirt. It was the answering back. But I agree it’s too warm for collar and tie.

True! I was quite surprised DD spoke back like that, as it is not her usual nature! Think she was so hot and irritable.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 30/06/2025 17:36

She was told to tuck her shirt in the she deliberately undid it when teacher wasnt looking - that could be construed as basically giving the teacher the finger

Avantiagain · 30/06/2025 17:36

YANBU. Contact the HOY. When I was teaching, on hot days ties were not expected and untucked shirts were ignored.

Superhansrantowindsor · 30/06/2025 17:35

It wasn’t the untucked shirt. It was the answering back. But I agree it’s too warm for collar and tie.

Original poster
Nataliaa · 30/06/2025 17:34

GonnaeNoDaeThatJustGonnaeNo · 30/06/2025 17:24

The way English schools behave over uniform is nuts.

It really is isn’t it?! I’ve always been baffled by ties being compulsory in so many schools. Why do they need to be dressed like they’re off to the office at 11 years old? Their uniform is certainly not designed with comfort in mind. DD’s primary uniform was just polo shirt and school sweater/ cardigan. Any grey skirt or trousers. Red summer dress from spring term onwards. No idea why that kind of uniform can’t be implemented in secondary!

OP posts:
iwillcallhimgeorge · 30/06/2025 17:32

Yanbu but good luck in fighting it. My DCs sadly go to a school where they are ridiculous about uniform. I will never understand it but complaining about it has got me nowhere.

Crunchymum · 30/06/2025 17:30

Yeah I'd be contacting the HOY on this one to advise DC will not be attending.

Totally OTT.