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Original poster

Do I need to unclench? Horrified by comment my manager made

105 replies

KellieMum3 · 30/06/2025 15:21

I recently moved teams at work, think big corporate company with a lot of middle managers. Team meeting (virtual) today. Manager was in the office - someone pointed out this isn’t his usual day to go in. His response was to say he checked the forecast and picked the day the most female flesh would be on display. Much laughter from some others on the call.

Am I being prudish or is that really not the time or place for such a comment?!

OP posts:
chatelai · 30/06/2025 16:04

30 years ago we wouldn't have turned a hair. Now, nope, that's not ok. Times have moved on. I'd be feeling fairly clenchy about this.

Smokesandeats · 30/06/2025 16:03

CrackingOn50 · 30/06/2025 15:43

As I've got older I've developed an immediate response to idiots saying things like this.
I know that, due to female socialisation as well as sometimes being gobsmacked, we only think of a witty or appropriate response after the event as wish we'd have called them out.

I now, every time, ask these nobs in a puzzled way 'why do you say that?' or 'I don't understand why you're saying xyz'.

The last time was the other day in Asda. I had a trolley with a dodgy wheel with sellotape stuck to it. As I was trying to sort it a ruddy faced bloke about 60 laughed and said 'women drivers'.
I looked wide eyed at him and asked 'what do you mean?' and he just blustered then shuffled off. Saw him near the reduced bit later and he was getting bollocked by his wife for something!

I agree with this. When they say it’s just a joke, you ask them to explain why it’s funny as you don’t get the humour in what they said. Soon shuts them up!

Original poster
KellieMum3 · 30/06/2025 16:02

He’s off a graduate scheme, appears to be following the ‘management handbook’ for all other matters, a bit annoying but I’ve given him the benefit of the doubt in terms of being new up until today. There are a few other younger colleagues and I expect he is playing up to them.

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 30/06/2025 16:00

Screamingabdabz · 30/06/2025 15:47

I’d be silently very angry at having a manager with those thoughts about women. Whether I’d make a complaint depends on how secure I felt. But this is the danger of privilege and particularly male privilege, they get away with it because they can. Fucking depressing.

This ^ unfortunately but it’s the truth.
I think ‘why did you say that’ is a good approach but doesn’t always work especially if others are laughing.

ClareBlue · 30/06/2025 15:59

It's also depressing all those that think a joke is the way to respond or a quip about being someone from the past. If you don't feel you can complain for whatever reason, you don't need to minimise it by say it's a throw back to the 70s or I only came for the men in shorts etc. It shouldn't be dignified with any response. Just stonewall silence. But if he is comfortable to say that with a new female member of his team and others laughed, I'm going to guess that the culture is toxic.

Horses7 · 30/06/2025 15:59

He’s an idiot with views from the 1960s - thought/hoped we’d be past all this in 2021.

BumpyWinds · 30/06/2025 15:57

Did you not get training on the new sexual harassment protections that came in last year?? Your work should have a sexual harassment policy in place.

Ours specifically says "Examples of sexual harassment include, but are not limited to:

  • sexual comments or jokes, which may be referred to as "banter""

Not OK.

MoistVonL · 30/06/2025 15:50

Sexist dinosaur! Completely inappropriate for, well, anything really, but particularly for a professional environment.

Brefugee · 30/06/2025 15:48

you need to have a word with him and say it was unprofessional and this time you aren't taking it further but next time it will be reported to HR as the vile sexism it is.

And then when it happens, you need to step up, in the meeting and say just that.

Screamingabdabz · 30/06/2025 15:47

I’d be silently very angry at having a manager with those thoughts about women. Whether I’d make a complaint depends on how secure I felt. But this is the danger of privilege and particularly male privilege, they get away with it because they can. Fucking depressing.

OhMehGoddess · 30/06/2025 15:46

Given what’s happened this year at my work, he would be suspended and fired as an outcome. They are red hot on anything just now.

MasterBeth · 30/06/2025 15:44

Everyday sexism.

Thunderdcc · 30/06/2025 15:44

It is inappropriate but I am guessing you don't know him very well yet. I would wait and see if it is a regular pattern of behaviour. There could be some ongoing joke or a reference to someone else being a creep or just something that you're unaware of.

Obviously it's not the cleverest thing to do on his part but I would file it away in my head and wait and see for now.

CrackingOn50 · 30/06/2025 15:43

As I've got older I've developed an immediate response to idiots saying things like this.
I know that, due to female socialisation as well as sometimes being gobsmacked, we only think of a witty or appropriate response after the event as wish we'd have called them out.

I now, every time, ask these nobs in a puzzled way 'why do you say that?' or 'I don't understand why you're saying xyz'.

The last time was the other day in Asda. I had a trolley with a dodgy wheel with sellotape stuck to it. As I was trying to sort it a ruddy faced bloke about 60 laughed and said 'women drivers'.
I looked wide eyed at him and asked 'what do you mean?' and he just blustered then shuffled off. Saw him near the reduced bit later and he was getting bollocked by his wife for something!

AtrociousCircumstance · 30/06/2025 15:39

Totally inappropriate. What a sexist idiot.

Smallchangebiggain · 30/06/2025 15:37

Disgusting. I would complain.

It doesnt bode well for your working environment in the new team. I would assume this is just a taster of his attitude to women and the fact the others laughed at his " joke" indicates they buy into this neanderthal outlook.

Jennps · 30/06/2025 15:36

To be honest he seems like a bit of a thicko to not know that no one talks like that in 2025.

omz · 30/06/2025 15:36

"The 50s called, they want you back"

Sexist prick

I'd be lodging a formal complaint about it, today

MyKingdomForACat · 30/06/2025 15:36

He sounds stuck in the 1970s

Purplecatshopaholic · 30/06/2025 15:34

Ooft, defo inappropriate, do men really still talk like this in the work place? I’d raise it, totally wrong and he needs to understand that.

DiscoPig · 30/06/2025 15:33

'Gosh, did you time-travel far today, Manager?'

No need to unclench at casual sexism in the workplace. Quite the reverse.

whitewineandsun · 30/06/2025 15:31

Eww, the sleaze!

I wouldn't complain but I'd not go anywhere near him unless required and would have zero respect.

thatsalad · 30/06/2025 15:31

Disgusting. Raise a complaint

Boomer55 · 30/06/2025 15:30

Very David Brent, but too silly for a drama. 🤷‍♀️

BitOutOfPractice · 30/06/2025 15:30

There is no time or place for that comment. Ever. Ugh what a sleazy man.

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