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Original poster

Do I need to unclench? Horrified by comment my manager made

105 replies

KellieMum3 · 30/06/2025 15:21

I recently moved teams at work, think big corporate company with a lot of middle managers. Team meeting (virtual) today. Manager was in the office - someone pointed out this isn’t his usual day to go in. His response was to say he checked the forecast and picked the day the most female flesh would be on display. Much laughter from some others on the call.

Am I being prudish or is that really not the time or place for such a comment?!

OP posts:
Carodebalo · 30/06/2025 18:22

When will they ever learn. It’s 2025, don’t you just wish they’d come up with something clever instead. I would have smiled and said nothing, afraid to speak up or tell HR, but would have hated this. So, they’d get away with it. As someone else already said: fucking depressing.

BunnyVV · 30/06/2025 18:06

Are you higher or lower than him in hierarchy?
I would drop him a message saying you want to make it clear that the comment was inappropriate, you’re surprised he thinks it was ok and you’re giving him a heads-up (as a more experienced employee) that he could get into trouble if he says similar again.

Sunshineandblueskysalltheway · 30/06/2025 18:04

Don't approach him. Do make a complaint. How fucking dare he talk like that.

Stef3 · 30/06/2025 17:43

He’s either thick or bold as brass.

AlwaysBeenYou · 30/06/2025 17:32

PistachioTiramisu · 30/06/2025 17:29

What a lot of fuss about nothing really! It was a joke, JOKE - you know, that manner of speech which in intended to make people have a bit of a giggle. People are much too quick to take offence about very little these days.

Yes and racism used to be seen as banter too, times have changed, thank god.
What's funny about him leering at women???

JellyD · 30/06/2025 17:30

Funnily enough, I just did my sexual harassment refresher training today and comments like this, especially if he makes a habit of it, would definitely qualify!

PistachioTiramisu · 30/06/2025 17:29

What a lot of fuss about nothing really! It was a joke, JOKE - you know, that manner of speech which in intended to make people have a bit of a giggle. People are much too quick to take offence about very little these days.

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 30/06/2025 17:28

Dartmoorcheffy · 30/06/2025 16:14

I would just reply with i was hoping the men would be coming in wearing shorts so I could admire their legs.

Would you really? At work?

Plastictreees · 30/06/2025 17:22

He is gross and it says a lot about the culture of the company that he even feels comfortable to make such a comment.

Theresabookinme · 30/06/2025 17:20

Screamingabdabz · 30/06/2025 15:47

I’d be silently very angry at having a manager with those thoughts about women. Whether I’d make a complaint depends on how secure I felt. But this is the danger of privilege and particularly male privilege, they get away with it because they can. Fucking depressing.

i agree I wouldn’t want to work with guys who think like that about women. But sadly I’m a pragmatist and accept that most men are childish pervs.

what REALLY gets me is not just the sentiment, it’s the fact they think that it’s ok to say this kind of thing in the office. The sexism is one thing, the lack of respect is another.

they don’t even consider for a second that this kind of thing might make their (female) colleagues uncomfortable or objectified

Forthemarket · 30/06/2025 17:16

Yeah report. Don’t minimise as that toxic and sexist culture is already established.yuck!

FumingTRex · 30/06/2025 17:16

Thats awful, and I would bet some people laughed out of discomfort/awkwardness, not because they though it was funny.

TheStroppyFeminist · 30/06/2025 17:13

Utterly inappropriate and creepy, report it.

GreenCandleWax · 30/06/2025 17:12

Smallchangebiggain · 30/06/2025 15:37

Disgusting. I would complain.

It doesnt bode well for your working environment in the new team. I would assume this is just a taster of his attitude to women and the fact the others laughed at his " joke" indicates they buy into this neanderthal outlook.

Edited

Which is why it needs nipping in the bud now. Otherwise more boundaries will be pushed and you'll end up in a macho woman-dissing work culture. Will HR take this seriously, OP? as it is sexist and unprofessional.

usedtobeaylis · 30/06/2025 17:07

Gross and inappropriate from anyone, but completely unacceptable from a manager.

Zov · 30/06/2025 17:01

Urgh, vile pig! 🤢 YANBU to be reeeaaaallly pissed off about this @KellieMum3 Possibly even warrants a complaint to HR. Grim.

Borracha · 30/06/2025 17:01

I would like to think I’d address it in the moment but appreciate hindsight is a wonderful thing.

In your case, I would send him an email saying you found his comment at best distasteful and at worst offensive. You won’t be reporting it on this occasion but you hope it’s not repeated.

That way you have it documented in case you need it in the future. Hopefully he will be mortified and think twice about trying to be funny again.

Stuff like this needs to be stamped out. It’s a slippery slope and women shouldn’t have to constantly be on the lookout for creeps.

Doteycat · 30/06/2025 16:53

If one of my employees did this id go nuts and they would absolutely be in trouble.
And If I heard that it happened, and others ignored it and thought nothing of it, id have them all back in the training we did to stamp this shit out.
I take this stuff very seriously and I expect my employees to also. We ALL need to create a healthy and safe environment, and if you turn a blind eye to it in my company, you are complicit. Id not look favourably on you at all.
Report. 100%.

Ohtobemycat · 30/06/2025 16:52

That is terrible. I have hear some things like that ehen in small businesses but I work im big corps now and this would be grounds for disciplinary. It is not creating a phsycholocally safe environment for all staff and that is something most big companies are trying to do now.

verycloakanddaggers · 30/06/2025 16:49

I'd report that personally, it's completely inappropriate.

Dominoeffecter · 30/06/2025 16:49

Eww, if this kind of shit doesn’t get called out then it doesn’t die out.

Moveoverdarlin · 30/06/2025 16:48

Complain? I can’t get worked up about this in anyway, but I’m clearly in the minority.

ScratCat · 30/06/2025 16:46

He’s a sad little twit.

But posters suggesting you complain are a bit OTT.

CountryMouse22 · 30/06/2025 16:43

What an arsehole.

PabloTheGreat · 30/06/2025 16:37

It wouldn't fly in our office either. There's lots of banter and laughs here and a really good camaraderie but you'd get the side eye from senior management followed by a private chat to make it clear how unacceptable it was. Repeat offenders don't tend to last long here.

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