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Original poster

To back out of a child’s birthday

112 replies

TwinkleLittleBean · 30/06/2025 14:19

This is really hard! The birthday child has additional needs. Last year we went along for birthday and paid for 4 of us (hotel and theme park tickets).
This year it’s going abroad. To a place I know we’d love as a family, but it won’t be on our terms if we go round as a group - we’ll be following a lead.

When I was asked, the child was there and I couldn’t say no - it was a “let’s go to X”!!
The price/dates/DH taking time off work - my other DC is a bit too old for it.
It’s a few months away, but when do I start backing out?

It’s going to feel like I’m letting child with SEN, who thinks she might be going somewhere v special. I don’t think they’d go without us. They see my DC as - almost a sibling.

I wouldn’t dream of asking another family to spend £800+ to celebrate a birthday.
I think I’ll just have to say one DC too old, expense etc…ASAP!

OP posts:
Original poster
TwinkleLittleBean · 30/06/2025 14:37

Not related but they have had quite a lot of emotional events which we have supported through.

OP posts:
Original poster
TwinkleLittleBean · 30/06/2025 14:34

My DH was also asked separately and didn’t know how to react!

OP posts:
Original poster
TwinkleLittleBean · 30/06/2025 14:34

I didn’t say yes, it was more an - I’ll look into it. No dates or ticket prices, it’s an ‘idea’ - and I half hope the idea won’t get much further.
I find I get invited to half a dozen things by same person which don’t materialise. When I’ve said ‘I can’t’ before, it seems to cause a hideous atmosphere - so I’ve found it easier to react positively and then say I can’t make the date.

OP posts:
saltinesandcoffeecups · 30/06/2025 14:33

If they don’t go without you it’s on them. OP, you really need to grow a spine here. As others have said, of course you didn’t have to agree.

user7638490 · 30/06/2025 14:33

Back out now. I can’t believe anyone would ask this of you.

MageQueen · 30/06/2025 14:33

Ynless you have a history of always going on big expensive trips for this child's birthday, I honestly can't understand why this is even an issue, "I'm afrid we won't be able to do such a big trip like that. Perhaps we can arrange a fun day at <favourite activity> so we can celebrate?"

even if you have got this history, I'd still think it' sperfectly okay to say that actually, that doesn't work.

People are weird.

Moonnstars · 30/06/2025 14:30

I am assuming it's family?
I think you should have said no at the time and the sooner you now tell them you don't want to go the better.

DiscoPig · 30/06/2025 14:30

BoredZelda · 30/06/2025 14:29

You could have said no. You could have said you’d need to look in to it. You could have said, you’ve already booked a holiday this year. You could have said your kids wouldn’t enjoy it. Nobody had a gun to your head.

If you only felt you couldn’t say no because of a child with SEN, then you need to do some work on yourself and how you view people with SEN.

Agreed. Of course you could have said no.

OP, you get that a 'birthday party' doesn't usually involve overseas travel and considerable expenditure?

BoredZelda · 30/06/2025 14:29

You could have said no. You could have said you’d need to look in to it. You could have said, you’ve already booked a holiday this year. You could have said your kids wouldn’t enjoy it. Nobody had a gun to your head.

If you only felt you couldn’t say no because of a child with SEN, then you need to do some work on yourself and how you view people with SEN.

Pancakeflipper · 30/06/2025 14:27

Crikes - that's some party request.
I'd be saying not able to do it (as soon as possible) and invite them for tea (a hugely poor substitute !)

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 30/06/2025 14:26

Are they related to you? Do you want to go. I personally wouldn't go unless it was something suitable for my family and that we could go off and do our own thinks. When my kids were little we'd do a big family holiday with my 3 siblings, partners and all the kids and my parents, sometimes my dsil parents and siblings came, so they'd be loads of us. It was always good fun but we all done our own things also. If someone wanted to go fishing/crabbing they go and whoever wanted to go will join them, then another group might of went swimming another horse ridding. We didn't always even have our own kids. Same with dinners but we all got to spend time together in a weird way.

MoreChocPls · 30/06/2025 14:25

Who the hell asks someone to go overseas for a child’s party?! WTF! No way! The child being SEN is irrelevant. Are they off their heads with entitlement or am I missing something?!

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