Page 2 | Am I pearl clutching?

Sweetpea59 · 30/06/2025 12:52

If they are good neighbours & it's a one off then let it go. It's late but not terribly late in the grand scheme of things & it doesn't sound like they were causing any trouble? Teenagers need to let off steam too, & there are not many places they can do that anymore

ScratCat · 30/06/2025 12:49

It didn’t go on too late and teens would not even consider the door banging thing. It’s fine.

Original poster

MumBlingAgain · 30/06/2025 12:47

Ouch. 4 am is too much.
I'm guessing this person was not a very valued member of the community.

OP posts:

Thepeopleversuswork · 30/06/2025 12:47

I would probably find this mildly irritating at a personal level, but I think compared with what could have happened this is actually fine.

I remember many decades ago going to a party as a teenager which involved someone's house being utterly trashed (not just at a surface level but actual structural damage: a staircase banister being pulled down). The parents had gone away and left a 15 year old and a 13 year old in charge and the house was invaded by pretty much everyone in the neighbourhood, including much older people. It was mayhem, there must have been over a hundred people in a small terraced house. It went on all night, the police were called. Furniture was thrown out of the window. Hard drug paraphernalia was found in the house and garden the following day.

This sounds like normal, healthy high sprits by a bunch of good-natured teenagers. If it was happening every month you might have a point but in the interest of good relations I'd suck this up and let it go.

Pinkissmart · 30/06/2025 12:44

CommissarySushi · 30/06/2025 10:32

Once in a blue moon is fine. Get some ear plugs for next time.

This

It's done.
Next time just go out and ask them to be quiet.

Dangermoo · 30/06/2025 12:43

Your pearls would have snapped if you lived where I used to. In a victorian terrace on a massive street. The arseholes opposite used to celebrate each decade of her birthday, with a proper DJ in her back garden. She prepared everyone how loud it would be and how it wouldn't end until 4 am. The sound carried around like it does, in a park with big speakers. We were all extremely reasonable, given those circumstances.

Lighteningstrikes · 30/06/2025 12:42

YABU

I really like peace and quiet (live in a detached thick stone walled property thank goodness), but surely it’s acceptable for someone to have a party and let go once in a while.

1pm is not that late.

We were all young once.

Count yourself lucky you don’t have to put up with it week in week out, like some poor people do.

Cosyblankets · 30/06/2025 12:41

MumBlingAgain · 30/06/2025 11:51

Oops. I may have already failed to take in 2 packages for them this morning.
one on grounds that I hadn't been asked to and the other because I couldn't be bothered to open the door for Amazon.
I'll try to be nice again once the sleep deprivation has totally dissipated. As long as there are no further infringements 😂

Sleep deprivation?
It was Saturday night.
It's now Monday!

Original poster

MumBlingAgain · 30/06/2025 12:39

posters saying I am uptight... you're not wrong!
i am generally more relaxed about stuff but definitely running low on patience these days.

That's why I'm checking in with mumsnet, trying to keep my behaviour relatively sane 😊.

In general, the consensus on the thread makes me realise that people in London tend to do what suits them without thinking too hard, and maybe that's liberating in the sense that I too can stop doing favours for neighbours when it doesn't suit me.

Regarding taking packages, this post made me realise that this is one of those boiling frog situations where I've just realised it's too much! I'm going to stop answering the door to postmen unless neighbours explicitly ask me for a favour.
i think delivery men have identified our house as one of the only ones on the block where someone sometimes works from home, I'm through with being their receptionist.

OP posts:

PinkArt · 30/06/2025 12:39

MumBlingAgain · 30/06/2025 11:55

We have small children so any parties we throw these days are in the afternoon and end well before the 11pm legal noise curfew 🙈.
but when I was a teenager / younger adult my parents had pretty much drilled it into me that we shouldn't inconvenience our neighbours. So we always invited all the neighbours, or made sure noise was not going to bother (eg party indoors, not under their bedroom windows)
i do think it's inevitable that a night time party produces some unwanted noise, but there are ways to contain it that I don't think were used in this instance.

All this said... I agree with one poster who said everyone should get to gave one wild party once a year, i think that's a fair rule.

Small children of course are infamous for never making any ear piercing noise that might disturb neighbours.

MyMilchick · 30/06/2025 12:26

MumBlingAgain · 30/06/2025 10:29

Neighbours teenage child had a party on Saturday. On the day, I was told there would be a birthday party in the garden and I said no problem, enjoy it, a bit of noise is fine.
Our gardens are tiny London gardens (think 5x5 meters, just enough space for a garden table and chairs) and back on to an old people's home so in my head, their party would be relatively civilised, or at least, end at 11pm.
To be fair, it wasn't horrible, but it was loud music playing and about twenty teens singing along until midnight. At midnight the music and singing continued but was turned down a little. At that
point 30 minutes of relentlessly banging the front door as teenagers made their way into the street shrieking loudly and talking as if they were on Oxford St, not some sleepy family suburb full of families sleeping.
So now I'm a bit torn.
AIBU to think that considerate people would not throw a party like that in a garden of a tiny terrace with so many neighbours, not even as a one off?
Or is it ok for one Saturday night in summer to keep all the neighbours up?
What bothers me is that they could have had the same fun party but perhaps ended it 30 minutes earlier, or at least, asked guest not to bang the door and to keep it quiet in the streets.
I also suspect another neighbour or the old people's home may have complained and that's the reason why the music volume went down at midnight, rather than out of an effort they made to be considerate (otherwise why the loud banging and shrieking on the other side of the property)

Meh it's a one off and a Saturday night, I'd just let it go tbh

Steelworks · 30/06/2025 12:26

As it was a one-off, I’d let it go. . They did warn you about the party, and perhaps because of the good weather, they stayed outside longer than you would normally.

HRTQueen · 30/06/2025 12:21

oh get over yourself honestly you live in a city noise from neighbours is just something you have to deal with.

its not constant if it was that's a different issue

the world does not revolve around the sleeping patterns of your family

DontTouchRoach · 30/06/2025 12:18

I’m sorry but the fact that you happen to have children who go to bed at 7pm and you go to bed yourself at 10pm on a Saturday doesn’t mean everyone else has to keep to your hours. They let you know in advance (which they don’t have to do) and the party finished at 1am which is a little late, but really not that late as a one-off.

You and your kids missed a bit of sleep on one Saturday night. Mildly annoying by no harm done and I think you’re being really uptight.

dizzydizzydizzy · 30/06/2025 12:11

They should have hired a halll. Used to drive me insane. I had to get up at 5 and I had a number of neighbours who sometimes had massive parties.

Original poster

MumBlingAgain · 30/06/2025 12:08

BoredZelda · 30/06/2025 12:06

A couple of years back some teenagers threw an end of school party at a place a few doors down. They were loud, the music was loud, it went on way past midnight. Then they decided to go on the trampoline. It got louder, screaming etc. At that point I went and knocked and suggested to the lad who opened the door that drunk teenagers on a trampoline was a really bad idea and someone was going to get hurt which would shut down the party.

He came down the next day with a box of chocolates to say thank you.

Nothing wrong with the odd party.

You sound like a great neighbour!

OP posts:

Mumble12 · 30/06/2025 12:06

MumBlingAgain · 30/06/2025 11:55

We have small children so any parties we throw these days are in the afternoon and end well before the 11pm legal noise curfew 🙈.
but when I was a teenager / younger adult my parents had pretty much drilled it into me that we shouldn't inconvenience our neighbours. So we always invited all the neighbours, or made sure noise was not going to bother (eg party indoors, not under their bedroom windows)
i do think it's inevitable that a night time party produces some unwanted noise, but there are ways to contain it that I don't think were used in this instance.

All this said... I agree with one poster who said everyone should get to gave one wild party once a year, i think that's a fair rule.

Your children will grow into teens that want evening parties. And are unlikely to want to invite the neighbours 😂

BoredZelda · 30/06/2025 12:06

A couple of years back some teenagers threw an end of school party at a place a few doors down. They were loud, the music was loud, it went on way past midnight. Then they decided to go on the trampoline. It got louder, screaming etc. At that point I went and knocked and suggested to the lad who opened the door that drunk teenagers on a trampoline was a really bad idea and someone was going to get hurt which would shut down the party.

He came down the next day with a box of chocolates to say thank you.

Nothing wrong with the odd party.

Original poster

MumBlingAgain · 30/06/2025 12:06

Ok, for all those saying I was not kept up "all night" that's correct. I was kept up only for part of the night 😊.

OP posts:

Enterthewolves · 30/06/2025 12:06

Honestly even with the drip feed I think you are being uptight. Building works…well yes, that happens, especially in areas that people are moving into with children, annoying, crap to live next door to, but normal, parcels - we have NEVER said it is ok for delivery companies to deliver to our neighbours and try to arrange deliveries when we are in, but parcels are regularly left with neighbours and turn up when they weren’t supposed to - if they say thank you then that’s again, annoying but normal and a one off party you were warned about that finished at 1am, got quieter at midnight l, but where teenagers with undeveloped frontal cortex’s slammed doors as they left - annoying but not twatish and in fact normal. You are cross because you are hot and tired - fair enough - but your neighbours don’t sound that awful.

oh dog - yeah ok, that’s twatish

Paganpentacle · 30/06/2025 12:02

MumBlingAgain · 30/06/2025 10:38

thank you but I guess my question was different.
sure the party wasn't horrible and I say it myself in my OP.
but I'm thinking that as a parent and neighbour, I would never let my kids feel it's ok to host a party like this keeping neighbours up all night.
i would rather give them money to invite their friends out and yes, supervise them if needed.
and failing that, if budget is too tight and I'm really keen for a home party, at least explain that between midnight and 1 am there is no waking up everyone in the street with loud shrieks and banging.
these kids were younger than 18 so it was a party with mum & dad at home

Show quote history

They didnt keep you up all night.....

Cabinetbat23 · 30/06/2025 12:00

Not taking parcels in because they had a one off party on a Saturday night is bat shit. Theyre not the ones who sound like nightmare neighbours tbh!

Original poster

MumBlingAgain · 30/06/2025 12:00

Tortielady · 30/06/2025 11:56

It seems from your update that the party was a one-off in itself, but also part of a wider pattern of inconsiderate behaviour by these neighbours. On that basis, YNBU.

At the same time, it's reasonable to be careful with assumptions about whether one-offs are harmful or not. When I was a young undergraduate, we had a party for my then boyfriend's 21st at his shared house in an ordinary street; that is, many of our neighbours weren't students, they were people with jobs to get up for and other commitments, as we found when we let our neighbours know about the party. The lady of the house (a very sweet woman, IIRC) said they had her mother living with them. The older lady had Alzheimer's and a lot of noise really distressed her. They'd had student parties next door before and the outcome was very upsetting. Could we please keep the volume down? We were happy to oblige. After the event, they popped round with a box of chocolates and their thanks. "We didn't hear a thing. We wouldn't have known you were having a party if you hadn't told us." They turned out to be some of the kindest, most helpful neighbours I've ever had.

A takeaway for those who are having a party is that just because it's a one-off, it doesn't mean the noise won't matter. Your neighbours are just as real as you are and not everyone lives in the same way.

For those living next door, if you think there might be a problem, express your anxieties to your neighbours before they have the chance to transmogrify from nice young people into drunken wolverines. Although our neighbours weren't obliged to tell us their circumstances, knowing there was someone nearby with serious health problems motivated us to keep the noise down. And catching us beforehand meant there was no need for defensiveness on our part.

Edited

That's a good point. In our partying days in a London flat, we had friends over one night and when we failed to turn the music down at 11pm, our polite next door neighbour slipped a note under the door next day to explain she was a doctor and working shifts and our noise was preventing her from sleeping and giving her best to her patients.
we felt mortified at the time and it has really made us think twice about how we do things since then

OP posts:

Lolopolo · 30/06/2025 11:58

I wish this was all I had to worry about.

Honestly OP it’s such a minor thing - young people like to enjoy themselves sometimes, probably just finished A levels or something. Try to see the joy in other people’s happiness instead of looking at your own minor gripes.

If you don’t want to hear other people’s noise you need to move to a place where you are more isolated.

Tortielady · 30/06/2025 11:56

It seems from your update that the party was a one-off in itself, but also part of a wider pattern of inconsiderate behaviour by these neighbours. On that basis, YNBU.

At the same time, it's reasonable to be careful with assumptions about whether one-offs are harmful or not. When I was a young undergraduate, we had a party for my then boyfriend's 21st at his shared house in an ordinary street; that is, many of our neighbours weren't students, they were people with jobs to get up for and other commitments, as we found when we let our neighbours know about the party. The lady of the house (a very sweet woman, IIRC) said they had her mother living with them. The older lady had Alzheimer's and a lot of noise really distressed her. They'd had student parties next door before and the outcome was very upsetting. Could we please keep the volume down? We were happy to oblige. After the event, they popped round with a box of chocolates and their thanks. "We didn't hear a thing. We wouldn't have known you were having a party if you hadn't told us." They turned out to be some of the kindest, most helpful neighbours I've ever had.

A takeaway for those who are having a party is that just because it's a one-off, it doesn't mean the noise won't matter. Your neighbours are just as real as you are and not everyone lives in the same way.

For those living next door, if you think there might be a problem, express your anxieties to your neighbours before they have the chance to transmogrify from nice young people into drunken wolverines. Although our neighbours weren't obliged to tell us their circumstances, knowing there was someone nearby with serious health problems motivated us to keep the noise down. And catching us beforehand meant there was no need for defensiveness on our part.