DH unable to cope with my MH menopausal struggles

You originally said you were snapping. Now it’s crying. I expect you’re not being honest with yourself about your behaviour and how it affects your family.

I feel like you're maybe not being honest about what this really looks like for you and your family? Bursting into tears regularly is completely different to snapping at everyone.
Of course some understanding for someone who is tearful is a reasonable expectation. Snapping is different though isn't it because it hurts the person on the receiving end.
I really feel for you op, it must be horrible to lose control of your emotions to that extent. I'm just not convinced minimising it and telling your husband he just needs to be understanding is going to be the best way to get you all through it unscathed.

What did he actually say that you feel he hasn't apologised properly for?

Are you snapping at people out in the big bad world, OP? Or just behind closed doors?

I always think if I am going to speak to my family like shit, I'd best also be comfortable doing it to random people in the street who might punch me. If I am not comfortable doing the latter because of the consequences, I am capable of stopping myself doing it to family as well.

And when men act like that it is called abuse

You need to make a concerted effort to regulate your emotions and take a Time Out if/when it all gets too much. Menopause is tricky but no excuse for poor behaviour.

edited to add
why do you burst in tears every 5 minutes…

Many women ARE sacked for menopause related things.

Unless your H said something nasty/abusive, would accept his politician’s apology and continue to work on your health and behaviour with your family.

To be fair to you I have asked my DH for the same - to be more cognizant that I am more moody than usual. Last month I went mental because there were three instances in one week where he finished a food item, forgot to write a replacement on the shopping list and I'm in the middle of cooking and find it is not in the cupboard. It's things that would normally trigger me but the anger is magnified 10x.

With the caveat that I don't know what your DH said, I agree with this.

While I am generally very much in favour of the greater transparency we have about menopause and the fact that women are able to talk openly about it, it sometimes shades over into embracing "hysteria" in a way which isn't helpful to women. It plays into the hands of those who claim women are driven by their hormones and incapable of behaving rationally.

If your menopause is making your life unbearable, it's incumbent on you to seek help with it, not to offload on your family. As with any other mental health setback, it's a situation which deserves compassion and understanding but its not a get out of jail free card which allows you to rant on about it all the time and behave badly to the people you love.

Menopause is no excuse for treating anyone badly, men shouldn't be exccused for bad behaviour nor should women, would you accept him treating you badly and then using 'i cant help it' card?

I would leave somone who treated me badly then tried to excuse it

So it's early days. All medication takes time to settle in. In the meantime, it's sensible to take a beat when you feel things getting on top of you. Believe me, I know it's hard, everything feels personal. As others have said, both of you have apologised, so let sleeping dogs lie and move on.

What type of HRT are you on? Are you on gel & pills?

Contact with people with mental illness is tough.

Tougher when frequent / close family.
It always feels like "Why can't you make better choices?"
"Why do you have to get so upset over that?"
"Why is your line of thinking so irrational?"
"Why are you obsessing over that?"
"I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing & then don't even want to talk to you"

It always feels like the person with bad chronic MH is making choices that don't help them get better.
You can know logically that the illness not the sufferer makes bad choices, but that only helps a little as an onlooker. People don't know what to do. It becomes painful to see a loved one over-reacting/flying off handle/making weird decisions/hurting other loved ones. It's awful to feel impotent.

Eventually have to (and should) prioritise own sanity.

I don't know your best way forward OP, but I completely understand someone struggling with a volatile loved one.

You have the deal with your emotions and separately deal with whatever is driving you mad.
I once worked with a gang of women who used the menopause as an excuse for everything. Shouting at people in the office, flying off the handle at any tiny issue, going on and on that they were the only ones doing any work. It was a hugely unpleasant environment and I was one of many who quit because of them.

You've been snappy and apologised. He upset you and apologised. Accept his apology with good grace and move on.

Do particular things upset you? The triggers for me were actually legitimate issues e.g people not clearing their mess or leaving clothes on the bathroom floor. I just became less able to bite my tongue and instead of asking nicely as I would have done preciously, I just went full on nuclear straight away. What fixed it was people not being selfish assholes.

Perimenopause removed my filter. If someone pisses me off they know it. I’m
not unreasonable but I have no patience for other people’s crap any more.

He needs to woman up and get on with things.

Your hormones have a MASSIVE impact on your life and you can learn to spit the warning signs you’re about to explode but that takes time. And it changes. Then just when you think you’ve got a handle on it sobering else changes.

peri menopause isn’t a walk in the park and men don’t go through it. He can either get some sympathy or b*ger off. You’ve got enough to deal with without having to tiptoe round him. Emotional outbursts are awful but you’ve got an excuse. What’s his?

(NB I’m also peri menopausal (you may have guessed), my last eff to give vanished years ago and I’m on a hot train so have very little patience)

Peri for me caused serious anxiety and MH issues.

i got HRT but also was prescribed duloxetine.

you may find additional drugs/therapy helpful depending on your specific circumstances.

This,are you apologising for your behaviour. Agree with posters re the misogyny aspect.
Saying a males behaviour wasn't his fault because hormones would never fly!

I agree with this.

Presumably he hasn’t apologised for what he said because he stands by it. I know peri is hard- I’m also on hrt- but you’re still responsible for your own behaviour. Constantly snapping at everyone isn’t fair on your family, even if you later apologise.

I'll be honest, unmedicated perimenopause sent me completely haywire. Suicidal ideation, unbridled rage, paranoia, random tears, you name it. I went from being the calm, controlled one in the family to being completely batshit. HRT really helped but it took 3 months to level me out and my family were really understanding with me. It'll be much harder with family who cope less well.

How long have you been on HRT? If it has been more than 4 months and your MH symptoms are still severe,
please go back to your prescriber and discuss what can be done. You might need an adjustment to your dose or added medications (or a total change).