DH unable to cope with my MH menopausal struggles

I’m sorry there are some awful people replying to you. They either had an easy menopause or they’re younger and they are in for a big shock! I feel for you. I hope you are ok.

Same, especially when people are saying others have to be educated into accepting behaviour that is rude, aggressive, bullying because that being OK be the rules for women ...

I'm not supporting a grown woman who says she cannot control her behaviour.

It drives me crazy. It's neverending. Before menopause it's PMS and all sorts of misogynistic jokes and put downs from men about us being hormonal or pre menstrual. Women buy into this nonsense too. Using periods as an excuse for emotional outbursts or anger. Then they wonder why we aren't taken seriously.

Agreed. A very old friend of mine used to blame her many outbursts on being "hormonal" which drove me mad (not least because I was often on the receiving end). We used to joke that she'd be post-menopausal and it would turn out to be her real personality.

You will feel better op. The hrt will work.

when you are all calm go for a walk and talk it through. Both of you are changing (yep men get hormone fluctuations too) and your communication is going to have to get advanced and kind in both directions

I am in the throws of peri ATM (only 43!) on a high dose of combined hrt as that was the only thing that would control my symptoms. On top of physical symptoms I became suicidal, randomly angry, crying as though the world was ending and irrational. The physical symptoms I could deal with, but the mental ones were really bad. I truly sympathise OP. Give yourself a chance with the hrt and if in 3 months there is no change, go back and ask for a review. Try and remind yourself this is a phase, and it will be worked out eventually. Unfortunately our other halves can't always understand what we are going through and that does make it harder. Hopefully your DH will learn. Sending love and hugs 💖

I’m a woman….and I agree with this poster.

OP you have my full sympathy. I never had hormone problems until about 8 years ago. Used to think that PMT was a myth etc
It is hard for me to describe the extreme feelings I get these days of anger, hopelessness, sadness, fatigue, irritation...I understand people saying control it but it happens so quick, and triggered by a real issue, just big overreaction. It feels out of my control

This is such a beautiful, helpful post.

OP I agree that recognising and naming your thoughts is a really vital first step to getting through this.

You're not abusive, you're having a hard time and you need support in learning how to navigate your way through the world, with your loved ones, and keeping yourself and your values intact.

Menopause is a bitch.

We have zero real preparation or training in how to cope with it

And our poor husbands and teens have zero prep or training in how to cope with us.

Here's how I got through:

I read everything I could, to be up on what shit I could expect.

I kept up the messaging to him to get his awareness up because I was going to be dealing with some shit.

I went to a new doctor and demanded hrt (after a previous doc had said no, I should just suck it up. A middle aged woman who had herself 'sailed through it ...'). The new one, younger woman says 'absolutely we don't prescribe it enough and the benefits are huge.'

I went back in later years and pressed for prescription reviews and additional products. Which I have.

I tried to be self aware and realise when I was flipping, overwhelmed with anxiety and dread, low mood etc etc etc and be open with him about it.

I feel sorry for them. Our condition / life stage is not an excuse for us to make life sad for them.

But they have work to do to ensure they are evolving, listening, understanding who we are now.

Be open, honest, frank, talk, share.

Would you give sympathy to a man who's full of rage because of testosterone and tell his partner she needs 'educating' on how testosterone can increase anger?

I'm going through the menopause right now. It's tough. I've had various physical symptoms (sleep problems and rashes). I've had anxiety and depression (significantly alleviated by HRT and exercise). I'm not minimising it: its shit and I'm sorry you're going through it.

But I also know that expecting everyone around you to walk on eggshells indefinitely because of it isn't sustainable.

You have the right to be given kindness and consideration and to express to your husband and family if you're struggling and for them to make certain accommodations for you. But you don't have the right to turn it into a 24/7 menopause reality show with everyone in your immediate circle terrified to speak to you about anything because of the risk that you will burst into tears or shout at them.

You probably need to give the HRT a bit longer to bed in and you might need to change the dose. Maybe counselling could help?

@midlifemover21

"But your husband needs to keep educating himself as much as you need to keep working on finding a balance or HRT and supplements that work for you."

Agree completely.

Sympathy OP. It sounds like your H needs more education about menopause. Would he sit down and watch the Davina documentary, or read an article about it?

70% of women experience this

Of course you can get snappy with perimenopause. You can be tired, irritable, heart palpitations, headaches, anxiety - the list goes on! Being snappy maybe a by-product of generally feeling like your dragging yourself through the day! I have never suffered PMT in any form but wouldn’t discount anyone else's reaction to it. That’s just silly.

But your husband needs to keep educating himself as much as you need to keep working on finding a balance or HRT and supplements that work for you. And whilst HRT worked for me straightaway for others it’s a process of adjusting the dose etc. it can take up to 3 months to feel real improvement.

I was given Magnesium Glycinate and Inositol Powder which I also take before bed and that helps anxiety for me. And no, I have never been anxious but ya know depleting hormones have altered what I wouldn’t normally feel.

Ask your husband for patience whilst you’re sorting this out.

You’ve got this!

If the problem re mental health is mainly hormones (menopause and/or the HRT not being quite right at this early stage of it) the GP is likely to encourage OP persisting with HRT (which I think is the NICE guidance - HRT and not usually anti depressants)

Anti depressants have calmed me down. I no longer sweat the small stuff and I let things that ordinarily would have sent me into a rage, go

It’s obviously hard for everyone but ultimately your DH has no doubt been on the receiving end and taken the brunt of it and he’s had enough

Clearly you’ve not met my mother 🤣

'Common' doesn't mean 'normal'. Some women experience this, others don't.