To want to reschedule my friend tomorrow

gollyimholly · 2025-06-30T00:16:36+00:00

Due to see a friend for dinner tomorrow. I'm 4 months pregnant and not feeling great. Dinner is in central London and it's apparently 35°C tomorrow. It would mean roughly an hour's journey using buses and the tube (not air conditioned) during rush hour - so could get warmer than 35°C underground. I'm feeling apprehensive as I'm already uncomfortable - and that's me being indoors with the fan on when it's 10° cooler. I don't use the tube often but worried it could break down and then what if I'm stuck in the heat.. I see this friend maybe a couple of times a year. We used to see each other maybe once a month or every couple of months but it has drastically reduced since having a baby a couple of years ago. We organised it on Wednesday last week and I wasn't paying attention to what the weather might be like. Do I sound like I'm being precious? AIBU to ask to reschedule?

Newblackdress · 30/06/2025 20:38

I’d phone to ask if she could possibly reschedule as the heat is making you feel ill.

outerspacepotato · 30/06/2025 17:00

I'd definitely cancel. You're pregnant and not feeling great and extreme heat expected. Your friend should understand.

The subway here is quite a bit hotter underground than at street level. I'm staying close to home during the heat waves.

shivermetimbers77 · 30/06/2025 16:54

Hey OP, I think fine to tell the truth and cancel, but I would take the lead in rescheduling asap. It’s really really easy for good friendships to drift after having kids, and as others have said, friendships are just so important for your wellbeing , so are worth investing in. Also, you said your friend is childfree so there’s a chance she may have felt a few friends with children drift away in recent years . That’s a really tough feeling, so it’s worth making an extra effort to show her that she matters to you.

Also for future reference if you do meet in london on another warm day, try to meet at a place where you can use the Elizabeth, Metropolitan, Hammersmith and city or District lines as they all have air con. Elizabeth line is particularly cool as it’s the newest one.

Good luck!

CinnamonBuns67 · 30/06/2025 16:20

Yanbu, explain your reasons and ask if either she can come visit you at home on this occasion or if you can rearrange for a different date where it'll be cooler.

ilovesooty · 30/06/2025 16:10

SaturdayDream · 30/06/2025 16:05

Stop making plans if you have no interest in having friends.

That's not what she said.

Eldermileniummam · 30/06/2025 16:06

If she's working and you're travelling especially to see her that does sound more onerous on you but you agreed to it and it is flaky if you to back out now.

SaturdayDream · 30/06/2025 16:05

Stop making plans if you have no interest in having friends.

Nearly50omg · 30/06/2025 16:01

Get an air-conditioned black cab instead?

whitewineandsun · 30/06/2025 15:28

Flocke · 30/06/2025 14:50

For me I would never make someone feel badly about not wanting to see friends anymore. People are free to choose who and when they want to see. But equally, I don’t want to be made to feel bad when I don’t want to bother with those same people later on when they decide they have time.

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Agree.

Flocke · 30/06/2025 14:50

Breathableflaps778 · 30/06/2025 13:31

They may be grating to some people but the reality of having a toddler and eventually a new baby is that you don’t have as much time, resources, or emotional bandwidth, to spend on friendships as you once did, and I don’t think women should make other women feel badly about it.

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For me I would never make someone feel badly about not wanting to see friends anymore. People are free to choose who and when they want to see. But equally, I don’t want to be made to feel bad when I don’t want to bother with those same people later on when they decide they have time.

PinkBobby · 30/06/2025 14:06

Breathableflaps778 · 30/06/2025 13:31

They may be grating to some people but the reality of having a toddler and eventually a new baby is that you don’t have as much time, resources, or emotional bandwidth, to spend on friendships as you once did, and I don’t think women should make other women feel badly about it.

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I totally agree. If another mum says she’s struggling to get out and have her own time, I think that’s a time to show empathy and offer support even if they’re a stranger. I would hope she’s okay and hope she’s finding some time for herself as life sounds a bit challenging right now. There’s no need for me to compare her struggles to anyone else’s and try and minimise them because she still feels the same and might need help. You never know what someone is going through so better to lead with kindness.

Breathableflaps778 · 30/06/2025 13:31

sad2025 · 30/06/2025 13:12

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to reschedule but your comments about not having time /interest since you had kids are slightly grating
don’t be suprised if in a few years when you more time that those you have dismissed now aren’t that keen to spend their time with you

They may be grating to some people but the reality of having a toddler and eventually a new baby is that you don’t have as much time, resources, or emotional bandwidth, to spend on friendships as you once did, and I don’t think women should make other women feel badly about it.

sad2025 · 30/06/2025 13:12

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to reschedule but your comments about not having time /interest since you had kids are slightly grating
don’t be suprised if in a few years when you more time that those you have dismissed now aren’t that keen to spend their time with you

Fitasafiddle1 · 30/06/2025 13:06

I am glad she prioritised your well being, as she should,it’s the sign of a good friend op. Cool shower and quiet day for you 😎

HRTQueen · 30/06/2025 12:54

gollyimholly · 30/06/2025 12:36

I've asked to reschedule. She was really lovely about it and said even she herself was debating coming in for work today because of the heat.

that good

any good friend would understand

I certainly do not socialise with friends as much since I became and mum and made mum friends too, life and priorities change. Good friends understand this

Crunchymum · 30/06/2025 12:52

I'm in London and I won't be doing anything unless it's essential over the next few days. I WFH but do have to use the Tube tomorrow and I can't get out of it.

I wouldn't be doing all that travel in this heat.

whitewineandsun · 30/06/2025 12:50

gollyimholly · 30/06/2025 12:36

I've asked to reschedule. She was really lovely about it and said even she herself was debating coming in for work today because of the heat.

Good outcome.

whitewineandsun · 30/06/2025 12:50

RabbitsRock · 30/06/2025 06:58

Just to make a general point about flakiness. I do unfortunately cancel on friends maybe a little more than the average but if it’s not (genuine) illness it’s because of extreme anxiety & my friends understand & are for the most part pretty supportive. I’m definitely better than I was. It sounds like some pps would drop friends for being ill!

People do. Any one with chronic illness can tell you that.

Cancel if you're uncomfortable, OP. I would understand.

But don't stop seeing friends because you have children, you said upthread you want to see them less and less, you may need friends later. Isolation is never good.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 30/06/2025 12:44

gollyimholly · 30/06/2025 12:36

I've asked to reschedule. She was really lovely about it and said even she herself was debating coming in for work today because of the heat.

I'd have completely understood your reasoning. A decent friend would. I probably would also have expected it in the circumstances.

VirtueSignaller · 30/06/2025 12:43

WildUmberCrow · 30/06/2025 12:40

Very sensible, and a lovely friend who clearly doesn't think you are a flake for a nano second.
I definitely would have wanted you to postpone in the circs.

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She's a definite friend to be valued. Enjoy your rest and the next time you get together.

PinkBobby · 30/06/2025 12:41

gollyimholly · 30/06/2025 12:36

I've asked to reschedule. She was really lovely about it and said even she herself was debating coming in for work today because of the heat.

Proving herself to be a lovely empathetic friend. I hope you get to have a fun catch up soon!

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 30/06/2025 12:40

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 30/06/2025 12:10

Good lord. It's a baffling place because of the flakiness and hypocrisy, not the weather!

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That's absolutely not what you said!

WildUmberCrow · 30/06/2025 12:40

gollyimholly · 30/06/2025 12:36

I've asked to reschedule. She was really lovely about it and said even she herself was debating coming in for work today because of the heat.

Very sensible, and a lovely friend who clearly doesn't think you are a flake for a nano second.
I definitely would have wanted you to postpone in the circs.

Original poster

gollyimholly · 30/06/2025 12:36

I've asked to reschedule. She was really lovely about it and said even she herself was debating coming in for work today because of the heat.

OP posts:

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 30/06/2025 12:10

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 30/06/2025 11:54

Not everyone goes on holiday for heat. Our ideal holiday destination is somewhere we find interesting. And we'll plan to go when the weather suits us and the activities we want to do whilst there.

I don't think the fact that some people prefer cooler weather makes MN a "baffling place" tbh. That's just you not being able to see outside of your own preferences.

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Good lord. It's a baffling place because of the flakiness and hypocrisy, not the weather!