Husband says he is done with me- 30 wks pregnant

I’m also surprised he took up smoking despite going to gym twice a day…

He has checked out and you have been alone for a long tint already, he really doesn’t care about you or his own child,I would ask him to leave. Get dome support, make a plan.

Eh, no thanks.
He think that he is more worthy than you, do you love him?

Sure, just dump the family pet. That is heartless and cruel and it will fix everything. 🙄 What a bright idea.

There is no point in trying to reason with him or imposing limits which he has no intention of adhering to. No, most men with pregnant wives don't spend two hours plus at the gym everyday and he must be perfectly aware of that. Just like he's aware that no decent man storms out telling the mother of his toddler and who is 30 weeks pregnant he is done with her. He is behaving very badly but right now I'd just let things slide because you'll be doing it all on your own if he moves out but with much less money and no housing security. Yes, I know that's totally unfair but you need to be realistic. Once the baby is say six or twelve months old I'd be thinking very hard about whether I wanted to stay married to him. I think you need to work out a budget for childcare and what you'd be entitled to if he left.

You're married so at least you should be getting half of the house though there may not be that much equity if you just moved. Do you have any family who could help or provide support? It might be prudent to have a bank account of your own and have some money you can access in an emergency if he just walks out and stops paying the bills. Hopefully, he won't do that as it would affect his credit rating. I do wonder if some of the gym time is actually gym time or whether he might be seeing somebody else. Could he possibly be taking steroids though and this is roid rage.

It's a horrible situation and I feel very sorry for you.

Honestly you can do better without the extra stress of having him to worry about. If he has time to go to the gym x2 a day he has time for the family. He is choosing not to.

Get details of his payslips, photo them so you have evidence of his earnings.

Kick him and the dog out and give yourself a week of breathing space.

Practically it doesn’t matter if he is having an affair (even though emotionally it does).

do you have RL F&F to reach out to? Do it fast.

sounds like your marriage is over as he has checked out. So only way to save it now is if you both want it. Then you need counselling

and yes. Gym twice a day as well
as long work hours plus 2h commute suggests at best he has checked out of this family life. At worse he has something or someone else going on.

and, smoking & drinking don’t sound like the sort of vices a ripped gym bunny would be into.
something does not add up.

ask him if he wants to move out, If not then couples therapy is the only way forward. Otherwise speak to a lawyer for advice. Pronto.

Yep, absolutely sounds like cheating. Start looking for the other woman, OP.

“Long hours,” “two gym sessions a day,” and “helping a friend on Saturdays,” indeed. Helping himself into another woman’s bed more like. 🙄

@YourOliveZebra - you're doing a great job OP, it must be hard!! I think you'd actually be better off without him but I think that's easier said than done at 30 weeks pregnant. He is being absolutely horrid.

Is it worth sitting him down to talk to him again? If he doesn't change, what do you want to do?

Absolutely this! These vile comments are no help at all.

You have to raise the bar @YourOliveZebra and set out some none negotiable requirements. Going forward if things don’t change, there has to be consequences. You talk about him doing the odd thing as helping. Ditch the idea that he helps, he’s a grown man who has equal responsibility for the home and his kids.

I don’t think OP will be back now so many people have said he’s not at the gym twice a day and is cheating.

He goes to the gym twice a day? Regardless of what he's actually doing in the morning and after work, he's doing everything he can to not be in the house with you and his child.

Trying to make him see what he's doing is pointless as he already knows.

Think about letting him be done and letting him go. Put yourself and your children first

What a waste of space man-child. I also think he might be having an affair, sorry OP.
He needs to grow up and be the man you need him to be. But he won't. They don't change.
He will make this all your fault, wait and see. I hope you get him to leave. Your life will be so much easier when he is gone. Even with a baby and toddler. Trust me.

Popping a marker down in this one because this asshole is 100% cheating and you could do better, waiting to see how it plays out

Get rid of the dog. Then he don’t have an excuse to go to the pub.

Unfortunately that's what sprung to mind for me too....Especially with the two gym trips a day.

Unless you’re an elite athlete you don’t do 2 gym sessions every day.

He says he's done with her. The baby is on the way.
She needs constructive advice. not a series of posts saying why did you have a baby with this man -
she's probably already very distressed and worried.

OP do you have any friends/family you could talk this through with?

Why did you make a second child in this situation? Because that'll fix everything?

On that basis alone YABU.

Would you be happier without him ?

The bar is in Hades.

Sounds like he wanted kids and a wife but not to be a husband and father.

He wants his money to be his contribution. And he won’t change. Sorry.

With all that gym he must be absolutely ripped. Muscles everywhere. That's if he's telling the truth about what he's actually doing.

Do you have anyone to turn to? Parents, siblings, his parents etc?

I wondered about an affair, after work, then shower, kit on and home.

I thought this

Another one who thought affair. And if not, two gym sessions a day is excessive with a small child and pregnant wife at home.

I'd suggest doing some digging but even without an affair he's being a crap partner. Couples counselling?