Husband says he is done with me- 30 wks pregnant

And sorry to say this OP but is he at the gym?

Sounds sadly that he checked out a while ago..

He’s being really unfair to you OP. Use the energy you have now before the baby is born to redraw boundaries and if he won’t have it get him out. As a co-parent rather than a partner he will have to do much more childcare and life admin than he is currently doing.

throw this one back - you’re already doing it all alone anyway.

What appalling advice. This man needs to grow up and take his marriage seriously.

The working hours aren’t an issue, they’re standard hours but the gym twice a day is an issue!? He needs to cut that done to once a day max and be at home to help!?

So he is working long hours. Also going to the gym before and after work and not paying any attention to his family. Secret smoking which you found out. Also goes to the pub but you don’t get to go?
It sounds like he’s escaping family life as someone else said.

Hes not having an affair is he?

You deserve more and so does your child and unborn child.

Im afraid this was my first thought when you described his routine. Some men do get obsessed with working out but they’re no usually the type of bloke that takes up smoking and going to the pub. I wouldn’t let him take your daughter to a pub though on a regular basis.

Is Sunday the only day he’s home? What is that day like ? How are you going to manage when you go into labour? Is he your birth partner? This situation usually involves the partner to be more present, is he going to be there or have you made other plans? You are doing all the work, he’s choosing to not be present. This puts all the responsibilities onto you. He may work certain hours but he chooses to add the gym at the beginning and end if you add those hours he’s got a massive amount of free time at your expense. You will need support when the baby comes, I hope you have friends or family. It sounds like he allows one day a week to be present and just sleeps at home. He’s emotionally opted out , you don’t get that luxury.

I think he maybe having an affair too and he's said he's done with you so he can possiblg get with the other woman 🤔 Men and be very selfish when they're not getting the attention I'm guessing as you are pregnant and probably very tired that your sex life maybe non existent , how wee things before you got pregnant with your 2nd?
Maybe try counselling see if you can resolve things, how do you feel about him ? if you love him enough work at it. Sometimes to them we sound too nagging.
I did have slightly same issue too in the fact that my late husband worked away from when our first was 7 months old and at weekends he would bugger off to the pub and sometimes go away for weekends back to his home town so I kind of understand how crap you are feeling i hope it works out

Gym does sound over the top? You sure there’s not another woman?
personally I think you’d be better off without him ….

He's having an affair

Hopefully he's just trying to get some me-time before the baby comes. He's being an arse though. Hopefully the smell of cigarettes is the pub and not him...

Let him calm down and then sit down and talk about what's going to happen at 34 weeks and beyond. He's either with you or he's not. Don't let him make idle threats of leaving. You're enabling him if you do that. If he wishes to leave then suggest he does.

Has he changed since DD was born or has he always been distant & did his own thing & you just accommodated it? Did he want children?

What sort of upbringing did he have - were his mum & dad happy or was his dad like him - doing his own thing? I looked at all these things after I left my husband, trying to figure him out and there is a definate pattern in there.

My current partner is the total opposite - family comes first and the two of us work as a team, it's so easy. We were brought up in similar situations - dominant mothers & submissive fathers who had genuine interest in and time for their children.

I couldn't stay with my husband because he didn't treat me or DD like we meant something to him, it's no life for anyone.

xx

He’s sounding like he wants out.
And when he goes he’ll say ‘I worked hard and we got a bigger house as that’s what she wanted.Its over an hour commute each way and she gets grumpy whenI want to go to the gym.Can you hear it?
Its an awful time for you but I think by the time your baby is 6 months old, he’ll be gone.

I hate to suggest it, but he might havecsubstance abuse problems/alcoholism.

All the behaviour youve described is very symptomatic of someone with a "secret" life.

Hopefully this is a bad patch he's going through, but he's got to start being open about what's going on. Have to say it outburst case he might be having an affair. I hope not.

Firstly I want to say my heart breaks for you and I’m sending you lots of love. I hope you have some sort of support network, family or friends you can reach out to. Being pregnant is one of the hardest things physically, emotionally and mentally without having to deal with this.

Secondly I could have wrote this post myself (10 years ago) 😞 I don’t think anyone should be telling you to leave or stay. I will speak from a perspective of I’ve been there, fought those battles, tied myself up in knots and lived to tell the tail. You will only ever make your own mind up, but you need to ask yourself…in this one chance you get at living do you want this for you and your babies for the rest of your life? If he hasn’t listened the 20 times you’ve already communicated your feelings to him is he ever going to listen? Does he respect you? Does he respect your babies?

Our time living is incredibly short and I spent a lot of my life putting up with things I didn’t deserve. Staying or leaving are both extremely scary decisions. A decision only you can make.

Finally - I’ve read a lot messages on here bashing all men (hey I was prob that person once too), but it isn’t all men. There are men out there who respect their partners and who love them so effortlessly (you have to wade through the rubbish I agree)…but they do exist.

10 years ago I went to the citizens advice got myself clued up with some free legal advice (to know my options just incase) and I left with my little babies in tow. It was hard, the hardest thing ever, a decision I wondered if I would regret. I don’t. I have a beautiful life with an amazing partner and a baby on the way. Never settle for what you don’t deserve, you deserve to be happy and whether that’s him bucking his ideas up or you choosing to leave that is only something you can decide.

sending you so much positive energy and wishing you the very best of luck. Also all the best with your new bundle of joy. X

Is your name registered on the title deeds of the house? If not get your interest registered quickly so he cannot sell the house without your knowledge. Then suggest Relate (if it can be saved) or get legal advice if not. Citizens Advice have a matrimonial breakdown service based at The Royal Courts of Justice. It's free

Plus, all that time in the gym but then has started smoking? It doesn't add up. It doesn't add up at all. He should be wanting to be home, looking after you, excited about baby 2. Not using every excuse under the sun to leave the house.

I'm really sorry OP but this really doesn't sound like a happy fulfilling marriage. I also suspect it will only get worse once baby 2 is here.

Is he really at the gym all that time? Do you believe him? Also, how absolutely dare he say he's 'given you' a bigger house!! Paying the bills doesn't make a man a good husband.

“All I want is him to be home more to help me and so I can have maybe even one evening to myself to do something for me”.

im really sorry to be harsh - but if this is what you want then you want him to be a completely different person. The person you’re describing will never do this and will never see why he should even consider it.

Your life would be easier if you weren’t married to him anymore - and that’s taking into account the toddler and the newborn, which is really saying something…

I’m sorry.

I thought the same thing.

But didn't want to say it.

Whatever this man is doing this living situation seems really loaded in his favour.

Mr Lord of the Manor!!!

Let him go and look out for yourself and tyou child

🙏🤞😻

At best, he's regretting being married with a child & is pissed off because there's a second child on the way. Frankly, I'd get rid now. He won't improve. It'll be very hard to start with (I speak from experience) but worth it in the end.

This doesn't sound like a caring husband and father. If he treats you and your daughter as you describe (which I don't doubt at all) he's not going to magically change when child number 2 arrives.

I've been in your shoes & behaving as he does towards you is bad enough, towards your DD is worse - I didn't have a second child because of very similar behaviour, I left with her when she was 4. You deserve much better, put yourself and your children first, he doesn't have the qualities you need and he probably won't change xx

You’ve clearly tried to raise things calmly and he just shrugs it off until you hit breaking point—then it’s all your fault. That’s not how grown-ups solve problems.

Gym and pub?

There’s someone he’s going to the gym for and it’s not you. If you’re still invested, I’d be checking who goes to the pub and who is he talking to when in there.

This as woman written all over it.