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AIBU?

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Original poster

Does your DH hate when family visit?

194 replies

Justwanttobehappyx · 29/06/2025 21:39

I live an hour away from my mum I usually see her once a month and she will stay for 3 days or so. However since my brother has moved nearer to us and I’ve needed the extra support as he is going through a lot of stuff she has been coming up every two weeks.

DH would always moan when she visited once a month and now it’s every two weeks he’s even worse. It just makes me so miserable i feel so stuck as he never wants her here but I need her help with my brother.

is your DH like this? Or would he in this situation. It’s making me miserable and I love spending time with mum too. She helps out with the kids & chores it takes some stress of me.

OP posts:
LivingDeadGirlUK · 30/06/2025 17:00

I think what people are missing is that you had a lot on your plate and your husband was offering no support. The fact your mum was helping with kids and easing the load while he lives with you was very telling.

Jigaliga · 30/06/2025 16:58

How much of yoir DHs behaviour is tied to your family obligations? How much is purely because he's a prick?
How long have you been caring for your brother?

I feel like we dont have anywhere near enough info to assist with helpful advice

NigellaWannabe1 · 30/06/2025 16:57

Wow, your last update makes a difference, OP! Get rid.

Schoolchoicesucks · 30/06/2025 16:47

You have a lot going on, OP.

3 kids, full-time work, a DB who needs support from you to shop and attend appointments, a DM who comes to stay for 3 days every 14 with you driving her each way and a DH who isn't happy with all of this, doesn't pull his weight and moans at you.

Your priority has to be you and the kids - put your own mask on first.

Ask yourself what would happen if you stepped back from supporting your DB a bit. Consider whether your mum coming to stay with you (and you running around to collect her) is helping you or helping your DB. If it's your DB then find a way to support her to do that without it involving you.

Just read the update that you have kicked DH out. I hope this makes your life easier.

SixteenClovesOfGarlic · 30/06/2025 16:46

How can you kick him out if he owns the house equally? Being married means it's not your house, it's a marital asset.

Your mother choosing to not drive and also refusing to use a train route that is more convenient is shockingly entitled.

Your brother can shop online, surely?

Jigaliga · 30/06/2025 16:44

WTF??!

Wexone · 30/06/2025 16:43

Justwanttobehappyx · 30/06/2025 16:01

Everything is mine he’s lived of the back of me for years. I’m not living like this anymore!

Show quote history

That's a completely different story then aint it - don't start drip feeding - We only hearing your side of the story as well - are you someone that constantly puts their family first over their husband and children

CarpetKnees · 30/06/2025 16:42

We have all been answering, or responding to your original post.

The information you have added this afternoon might have been helpful to mention then.

outerspacepotato · 30/06/2025 16:26

Call the police.

You're going to have to start looking for a good lawyer.

Zempy · 30/06/2025 16:15

You need to call the police immediately.

If you are married, unless you got a legal order to protect yourself, then he will be entitled to a share of equity in the house if you split, which appears to be inevitable now…

bellamorgan · 30/06/2025 16:14

Call the police regarding the windows. They then should be able to make sure he stays away from the home even if only temporarily.

myfriendsfamily · 30/06/2025 16:12

I don’t think your DH is being unreasonable at all. I wouldn’t want my in-laws stay for 3-6 days a month and we don’t have any major issues. My home is my safe space and where I go to relax and recoup my energy. He obviously feels like this is an invasion of his space and I get it.

I would look for another way to see your Mum.

Original poster
Justwanttobehappyx · 30/06/2025 16:09

He works part time I run my own business from home. He doesn’t pay anything towards the bills or the kids. It was a temporary arrangement after I had the last DC but he never went back to his old job full time when he could have I believe he got lazy. House is mine & we are married. I’m not thinking in to all that at the moment I just don’t want him here. He’s broke my windows trying to get back in.

OP posts:
whitewineandsun · 30/06/2025 16:07

Justwanttobehappyx · 30/06/2025 16:01

Everything is mine he’s lived of the back of me for years. I’m not living like this anymore!

Show quote history

Fair. Unless you're married, and it's likely a bit more complicated. Regardless, separating seems reasonable.

bellamorgan · 30/06/2025 16:05

Clearly a bigger issue than the first post.

Tho if you are joint tenants or own the home a PP is correct you cannot just kick him out anymore than he can kick you out. If it’s just a tenancy in your own name then go for it.

Magenta82 · 30/06/2025 16:05

Are you married or cohabiting? If you are married then it likely isn't that simple.

CaptainFuture · 30/06/2025 16:02

Justwanttobehappyx · 30/06/2025 16:01

Everything is mine he’s lived of the back of me for years. I’m not living like this anymore!

Show quote history

He's lived off of you? So you're working full time and he pays nothing to you or dc?

Original poster
Justwanttobehappyx · 30/06/2025 16:01

whitewineandsun · 30/06/2025 15:55

Sure. That's true.

Show quote history

Everything is mine he’s lived of the back of me for years. I’m not living like this anymore!

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 30/06/2025 15:58

Are you and your husband both working full time?

whitewineandsun · 30/06/2025 15:55

CaptainFuture · 30/06/2025 15:53

Depends too if he agrees being kicked out... if it's a joint tenancy/mortgage don't think op can do this...

Show quote history

Sure. That's true.

CaptainFuture · 30/06/2025 15:53

whitewineandsun · 30/06/2025 15:49

He's probably OK with being kicked out.

Hopefully, you can finance the house on your own, OP. Seems the better solution for everyone.

Show quote history

Depends too if he agrees being kicked out... if it's a joint tenancy/mortgage don't think op can do this...

crumblingschools · 30/06/2025 15:52

Has he always been like this? You have 3 children with him, unless he is not the father of them. Why do you not have friends?

For the majority of people having an inlaw stay every other weekend would be an imposition (even in cultures where this is more common doesn't mean it is welcome or harmonious quite often a duty). So him not liking that many visits or having family round on a regular basis would be acceptable.

But you seem to have ramped up what his behaviour is like

whitewineandsun · 30/06/2025 15:49

CaptainFuture · 30/06/2025 15:24

Well you seem to think it's OK to not take into account any of his feelings or opinions?

He's probably OK with being kicked out.

Hopefully, you can finance the house on your own, OP. Seems the better solution for everyone.

whitewineandsun · 30/06/2025 15:44

Nope, YABU. It's disruptive even with the spare room. I wouldn't even want my own family staying that often/long.

PinkyFlamingo · 30/06/2025 15:41

Justwanttobehappyx · 30/06/2025 15:20

So you think it’s ok to pick on someone that is quite obviously vulnerable? I can’t even sit in the garden with my brother without him rushing down to create a bad atmosphere and start picking him apart. It’s bullying! He’s a vile nasty man. Regardless of what everyone thinks on this thread it’s me that’s had to live with him for all these years I’ve got no friend’s or anything anymore and it’s all because of him!!

You're a grown woman. If he's that bad you can separate.