To be annoyed DH used dishcloth to wipe babies face?

But why didn’t YOU put a blanket on your child? Why did you not immediately say don’t carry my small child like that it’s not safe. He is 3 months ffs! The only dads I’ve ever seen do this was with toddlers! (Still not safe). Did you really leave your baby to cry till they vomitted?

I agree with the previous posters who said he was abusive. Tell your family what he's up to and get help.

That's a really stupid thing to say.

How he sees fit? How about parent in the best interest of the child?
That means educating himself, not just doing lazy things and continuing to do them when the co-parent (who has more experience) points out it may be unsafe.

What a pig.

You’ve repeatedly said he will say you’re overprotective or woke if you raise it, so people are basing their concerns on your description of him.

honestly I hope it goes better then you expected and I also hope the responses on here have given you a reality check that you’re not the problem - he is. And you will need to start acting on your concerns again

You’ve had some great advice on this thread re seeking professional help. All I will say is please keep trusting your gut on what is and isn’t safe for your baby as I think you have a good handle on it (and he most certainly doesn’t). Regardless of who is right or wrong in different situations he is being really dismissive of you, which is no basis for a relationship or family.

I don't see that achieving anything as in his mind he's always right.

You also need to tell your health visitor, you GP and women’s aid as it will be proof in the event of an injury that you are safe, it’s your DH who isn’t. It will also mean you have proof for whenever you need to leave, there will be a record of his behaviour.

And the best outcome would be a referral to SS who can keep an eye on you both to make sure you baby isn’t coming to any significant harm

Some abused women unfortunately don't wake up and see reality until their baby is taken into emergency foster care by social services. It's like they're under a spell.

OP, you keep banging on about 'your' feelings...frankly, I don't give a damn about your feelings, your husband or your marriage...what I do care about is a tiny baby that is at the mercy of half-arsed and frankly dangerous parenting from both of you.

Your baby should be your number one priority in your life right now. Your husband is a shit parent who is putting the health and safety of his child at serious risk. You should be getting your baby as far away from him as humanly possible.

@suki1964 what op has revealed goes way beyond the dish cloth to wipe the baby's face.

Your therapist is not going to agree with you because you pay her, she’s going to agree with you because you’re right.

Ignore everything else for a second, your husband is repeatedly doing multiple things that even the most inexperienced person would think twice about. Everyone knows you have to lift newborns carefully…scoop them up, support the head. The water thing? Once maybe could be over enthusiastic, but seeing the baby’s reaction you would quickly seeing it was causing distress and you would stop. To keep doing something that is clearly distressing a newborn is cruel. Especially something that is totally unnecessary and while the baby’s mum is watching and has said not to etc. He’s being deliberately cruel to your baby in front of you.

Weaponising a newborn to control and punish their mother is a serious level of evil.

He is not a good man.

He is not a good father.

He is not a good husband.

He is dangerous.

He is abusive.

What is your relationship history? How old were you when you got together? Is there an age gap? What were your previous relationships like? It sounds like you have a good relationship with your mum. What did DH do that your mum called out? Please start telling her everything. Sounds like she will support you and you need support. You are in an abusive relationship and I think you need to escape.

@namechangesafe YANBU at all.

Regarding the dishcloth, yanbu. It’s not just the bacteria, it’s the chemical residue left in the cloth from cleaning products used. Any pp trivialising that has no idea what they are talking about or does but is just getting their kicks out of misleading you. Anyone can post on Mumsnet so keep that in mind. I have worked with many families over the years and I am a parent too. To put things into perspective, I have never met a parent (mum or dad) who has used a used dishcloth on their baby’s face. It’s not normal. I do think he is being abusive to you and using the baby as a way to hurt you.

And yes pulling baby up by their arms at this age could do serious injury. I had a friend whose parents were friends with a couple who were foster parents to a baby with a fractured arm caused by the dad dressing baby too roughly.

Trust yourself, trust your maternal instincts to protect your baby. You are a good mum and you are not being overprotective. You are being a very normal parent.

It is not about the cloth suki. Read the rest of op s posts

My older sister uses the same manky sponge she washes the dishes with to wipe the sides down with spray bleach. I think it’s disgusting she doesn’t see what the issue is. She acts all la de da looks down her nose at people but that’s what she’s washing her dishes with.😂😂😂

Shoot me now cos I used the inside of the jumper DGS had on. to mop the snot of his face ( as I was taking it off )

Yesterday I spat on a tissue to get the glued on ice cream off his face

( Not a natural granny, we wing it, he's 3 , the other two are 11 and 18 and thriving )

The more you describe the more chilling it gets...of course "apparently though he praises me to everyone else so they tell me."

Had one of those yes. Exp did this.
It is bizarre but seems to be a part of the plan they have whether thought out or not

If as he otherwise says to you it is all your fault why does he stay?
Because he wants to keep you there where he can control you
He will tell you no one else will put up with you
He really does sound awful ...I am sorry .
Tell your therapist more and pose the question to yourself: What if you left?

Perhaps you can hope your baby does get a dislocated elbow from the way he holds him so you can tell the doctor and ss ........and get support to leave

Op I think he’s done a number on you. It sounds like your anxiety, which many people experience
after a baby, is now used as an excuse for him to reject any criticism of him and belittle you, even when you raise very justifiable concerns. It’s also caused great distrust in yourself. Look at what trusted people (like your family and your therapist) are saying though, that you are making good judgement calls. And look at your gut reaction to the treatment of your baby. You may have magnified some smaller concerns but you instinctively know the answer to your bigger concerns so stick to your guns in those areas.

Op I find this quite frustrating now you seem to be more caught up in the marriage counselling scenario and seem to be really missing the BIGGEST picture here you have a poor vulnerable 3 month old baby that is been treated horrendously by this man and I am sorry you are vulnerable, drained etc but you seem to be nearly brushing off or minimising the things he is doing to this poor baby. I really hope there is a way of MN tracing this post in order to protect this child as it’s scary to think someone can be writing this is happening and for nobody to be able to protect them.

You’re still talking about settling arguments with your husband. Everyone else is talking about how you keep your baby safe.

Telling an HV, GP or someone else official everything that has happened will let them help you keep baby safe.

The praising op to others but hypercritical behind closed doors.
That's the worst kind charm personified outside and bastard inside.

could you read the rest of the thread before commenting? This poor OP and her baby are being bullied and abused by the dad.

Did anyone else pick up the OP comment about the dad pouring water over the baby’s head in the bath so that baby is blinking away the water? This is simply unnecessary for such a tiny baby. This man is abusive. It will only get worse.

OP - firstly, you are a good mother.

Unfortunately, your husband is abusing you and your shared baby. He doesn’t really think of your baby as a separate human being. He thinks of your baby as some toy extension of himself. He handles your baby roughly and carelessly in ways that might hurt your baby. He is horribly arrogant. He has none of the right, protective instincts. You’re tied in knots because of the endless gaslighting and bullying.

I agree with PP that it would be a good idea for you to speak to Women’s Aid for advice on next steps.

Id be interested to know if you tell your mum how he treats the baby and what her reaction would be if she knew how scared you are to intervene on dangerous behaviour