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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed DH used dishcloth to wipe babies face?

433 replies

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:16

NC I don’t want this post linked to others.

Just had a bit of a disagreement with DH and wondering if I’m being unreasonable here.

Our baby, three months old, was sick down his chin and on his bouncer and DH grabbed the dishcloth that was sitting by the kitchen sink to wipe it from baby’s face and mouth. I said “are you really using a dishcloth?” and he said yes. When I asked would he use one on his own face, he said yes he’d use it on his own face (so what’s the problem, in other words).

The cloth was taken from our washing up bowl, and the cloths I had recently bleached yesterday. It was a microfibre cloth and DH uses these cloths to wipe up mess from the floor, we use them to wipe the sides and wash dishes.

AIBU or am I being a bit too precious about this?

Another example, he often picks baby up by both arms, did it this morning to take him out the bath and carry him two metres across the room and he keeps doing it, just another example of things he does that I don’t agree with.

Whenever I point things out to him he instead gets defensive and says “don’t tell me how to parent DC.” When he points things out to me I change what I’m doing, because my goal is just to want the best for DC but he thinks my safety concerns are silly and trying to wrap him in cotton wool.

Generally we are struggling with our newborn to be on the same page with safety concerns and I’m feeling very stuck and isolated as he will not respect my wishes when I call things out.

I’m really struggling.

OP posts:
DiaryofaProvincialLady · 30/06/2025 06:01

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 23:20

@bigboykittyit wasn’t minus degrees is he as spring weather. Still not ok as we all know even in summer 10pm in the UK is often chilly but yes he says he is dressing baby for the indoor temperature and the short trip to the car is fine even if cold.

he makes me feel silly for packing three sets of spare clothes in his bag (even though his gran said she often uses them), he criticised me once because I packed clothes and forgot the nappy I think it was and he said I forget the important things but he’s got lots of clothes. Totally unecessary.

apparently though he praises me to everyone else so they tell me.

OP you are still focussing on your husband.

You are refusing to hear that your baby is at risk of injury or death from your abusive, controlling psychopathic husband who is deliberating being cruel to your baby in order to hurt you.

Please PM one of the posters on this thread with your name and address so they can call the police and social services to remove the baby from you.

RazzleDazz1e · 30/06/2025 05:57

Furthermore, your other post where you describe your husband leaving your baby to cry until being sick you described your husband touching your baby’s soft spot and laughing. Despite you telling him not to. PROTECT YOUR BABY.

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 30/06/2025 05:46

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:33

@Namechangeanyes I do think I’m contributing to the issue I agree with your post.

thing is all I want is best for my baby and it’s hurting me that we can’t just try and work towards that but he sees my view as what’s best for baby as over protective. This is where we are clashing

You are still whining about yourself, every post. Meanwhile YOUR HUSBAND IS DRAGGING YOUR BABY AROUND BY HIS HANDS.

mathanxiety · 30/06/2025 05:16

Your husband chose the wrong cloth and is not man enough to admit it.

Of course the dishcloth/ floorcloth is not the cloth to use to wipe the baby's face. I can't believe there are (presumably) mothers here who think it was ok.

Sorry you're dealing with a manchild. This is the main issue.

The pair of you have a long eighteen years of parenting ahead. His inability or refusal to take constructive criticism is going to corrode your relationship past the point of no return if it is left unaddressed.

I know youre probably both tired, and it's hard to find a babysitter, but you need to hash this out with a marriage counselor before his bad habit becomes his default response.

JIMER202 · 30/06/2025 04:31

I really feel for you OP. He’s making your life and your postpartum period awful and miserable. He is doing things that don’t sit right and your gut is telling you they aren’t ok. Using a dirty cloth, not letting you give baby a blanket, criticizing how you wash bottles, pouring water on babies face (wtf!!), dangling him by his arms?!

He is only 3 months and you as his mother have to protect him. Your partner is being really unkind and spiteful to you and everything he is doing with and to baby is to try and control you and then tell you that you can’t say anything.

Him creating an atmosphere where you feel your own mother can’t even support you is really awful. Don’t let him isolate you, keep venting on here and in real life. Let your mother stay in the loop.

My husband gets extremely arsey if I criticize how he is doing stuff with our kids but I say it anyway. Sometimes it leads to disagreements but I won’t back down if it’s something like the arm pulling or leaving baby to cry. My husband would never leave our child to cry or deliberately put water in their face, this stuff is a bit off and next time I’d challenge him on it. Do you realise you’re getting water in babies eyes, why would you do it? If he wants to make it an argument then so be it. You are your son’s voice.

Bikergran · 30/06/2025 04:09

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:20

Because it’s a baby and hence why bottles are sterilised etc, it’s different for my own dishes because my immune system is much stronger @Wolfpa

No, it's bleaching everything that weakens baby's immune systems. Dirt is good!!!

Fleene · 30/06/2025 04:01

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:21

@MidnightPatroltried it, his response is that when DC are in his care he can parent how he sees fit and when DC are my care he will also leave me to it. And that’s that.

Yeah that's not how it works. He sounds arrogant.
Don't care about the cloth thing but if he dislocates his kid's shoulder he won't be feeling like such a know-it-all will he.

PopeJoan2 · 30/06/2025 03:54

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 29/06/2025 22:57

A friend once told me that she’d been known to wipe her kids’ faces with the floor cloth when there was nothing else handy. Both now healthy adults with dcs of their own. And both Oxford graduates incidentally - maybe floorcloth germs are good for the brain…

Okay…this is how you get your kids to Oxbridge. Wipe their face with the cloth you use to clean floors. Much easier than forking out for private tuition.

LoztWorld · 30/06/2025 03:39

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 00:20

My first step is going to be to ask him not to do it, I haven’t done that yet.

he may not know it’s causing harm (the arm thing). As many posters and even the doctor that liked the video said he did it, so please give me a chance to raise this particular issue first before judgement

Hmmm. I am absolutely certain the posters who said they’ve done this before are talking about toddlers and older children, who love being swung by the arms so it can be surprising to learn it can hurt them. Obviously once someone does know they should stop but it’s a very different situation.

Lifting a 3 month old like that goes against all common sense and kindness and would shock anyone you told.

It sounds like your mum can be a great support to you. I really encourage you to have an honest chat with her about all of this.

Hoping for the best for you and your sweet baby. You can take control of this situation, It’s not too late ❤️

ElderlyPerson · 30/06/2025 03:19

2025ismybestyear · Today 06:47

My husband picked up our toddler by her arms. Hospital. Cast. Not using arm for quite some time. Your h is a twat.

I accidentally dislocated my son's shoulder when playing with him when he was about 12 months old. Had to go to hospital but fortunately he put it back in by himself when he started walking around. I am always horrified now when I hear about little ones being pulled by the arms.

This is more important than the dishcloth.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 30/06/2025 03:00

OP you and your tiny baby are being abused.
Your husband has persuaded you that everything is your fault.
Look up DARVO. But not till you've left your husband, and you and the baby are in a place of safety.

I've read lots of your threads, and they're all shocking. Despite all your name changes, it's clear who you are.

I'm really sorry you're in this situation.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 30/06/2025 02:55

I wouldn't be happy about this. Especially if it was used and damp, however I am a weirdo when it comes to germs, especially damp.

Gremlins101 · 30/06/2025 02:51

Foolsgold74 · 30/06/2025 02:36

No, he's not gentle and loving. He pours water over their face repeatedly in the bath, locks the baby in the bedroom and let's them cry until they're sick, he picks them up by their hands and he's abusive and dismissive to the op. He's a nasty piece of work.

Yes I've now taken the time to read more OPs posts. You're right. The whole situation sounds awful.

Sending all strength OP 💐. This doesn't sound healthy and I apologise for my hasty earlier post.

Foolsgold74 · 30/06/2025 02:36

Gremlins101 · 30/06/2025 02:09

My own dad used to use dish cloths (kinda manky ones) on my kids faces and I think it's gross so I made a fuss and it stopped. I went to wipe his face with it one day, and he got the point.

I do think that sometime you have got to let dads dad. Is he generally loving and gentle with his kid? If he's constantly dismissing you that's not nice, but neither is you micromanaging.

Learning to coparent with your husband is one of he hardest parts of parenting in my opinion! But I figured it out with mine (so far) so hope you do too.

No, he's not gentle and loving. He pours water over their face repeatedly in the bath, locks the baby in the bedroom and let's them cry until they're sick, he picks them up by their hands and he's abusive and dismissive to the op. He's a nasty piece of work.

Gremlins101 · 30/06/2025 02:09

My own dad used to use dish cloths (kinda manky ones) on my kids faces and I think it's gross so I made a fuss and it stopped. I went to wipe his face with it one day, and he got the point.

I do think that sometime you have got to let dads dad. Is he generally loving and gentle with his kid? If he's constantly dismissing you that's not nice, but neither is you micromanaging.

Learning to coparent with your husband is one of he hardest parts of parenting in my opinion! But I figured it out with mine (so far) so hope you do too.

TheRoseDeer · 30/06/2025 02:08

I know I have been in this situation but roles reversed where my DH was telling me many things I was doing wrong in his eyes with parenting.

I think that first year for us was so awful as we were both very stressed. I would never re-live it again and we are one and done.

I have no solutions, just remembering

Surroundedbyfools · 30/06/2025 01:54

I’d have been horrified by this for my first baby… fast forward to youngest n I wouldn’t even bat an eyelid

Barnbrack · 30/06/2025 01:31

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 23:32

@Lolapushthinewstly. The therapist is often on my side but I’ve convinced myself to think it’s because I’m her client she’s only getting my side!!

it’s why I want marriage counselling again because if we are both together at least even I’m confident that we are both hearing the same version of events.

the bath time u haven’t said anything about because again, I suppose babies do go swimming and get water over them but he is drenching babies head repeatedly (like squeezing the wash cloth on his head. I honestly think he’s playing but it irritates me, who wants water running in their eyes or maybe I’m being dramatic. I can honestly not even tell anymore

That is not normal behaviour and definitely feels abusive. What the hell will he do next. Pick up baby, right now, go to your mums. You're not safe with this person and your baby definitely isnt

Barnbrack · 30/06/2025 01:25

Confrontayshunme · 29/06/2025 21:18

YABU your baby will be fine. It isn't the ideal (a clean face only cloth) but it isn't the worst either (IE neglect). Let him parent or you will find yourself doing it all alone.

Cleaning a newborns face with a dirty dishcloth and carrying them across a room dangled by their arms isn't neglect?

Kimwestonhelpless · 30/06/2025 01:20

moto748e · 30/06/2025 01:17

Haven't RTFT, but have read all the OP's responses, and Jeez, this is not right. I'm sure Mumsnetters have given appropriate advice upthread.

They have repeatedly almost all saying the same thing.i truly hope op takes some of it onboard and does what's best for the baby.

moto748e · 30/06/2025 01:17

Haven't RTFT, but have read all the OP's responses, and Jeez, this is not right. I'm sure Mumsnetters have given appropriate advice upthread.

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/06/2025 01:07

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 00:20

My first step is going to be to ask him not to do it, I haven’t done that yet.

he may not know it’s causing harm (the arm thing). As many posters and even the doctor that liked the video said he did it, so please give me a chance to raise this particular issue first before judgement

What's the point? You know what his response is going to be.

Everyone knows that you don't pick a small baby up by the arms.

MidSumner · 30/06/2025 00:58

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:18

@PeapodMcgeenot yet we have a session this week.

I am starting to keep a journal as my realities are often distorted by DH and so I keep it written down now

I hope by 'WE' you mean you & your therapist. NOT you & H. You cannot do therapy with an abusive partner & he IS abusive.

earlier on you said you do not want to (Rui/breaj/spoil -sorry can't remember what weird you used?!) your marriage. You're not! He has!! You need to get you & your baby away from him. It's not 'all your fault' he's just saying that. He's making you think/feel you're in the wrong. You're not!!

you're a good mum! NOT a shit one st all!! But now you need to get away from this man who is dragging you down & destroying your self confidence. He's making you do that you don't know which way is up

Big Hugs!! I wish I knew you & could help you in a real way!
x

Needtofixmyageingskin · 30/06/2025 00:52

LoztWorld · 29/06/2025 21:34

Wow. The fact his instincts even allow him to do that is worrying tbh. I can’t imagine the thought of lifting a baby like that even crossing a normal persons mind at 3 months. They’re so tiny and vulnerable then.

100%. Absolutely shocking.

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 30/06/2025 00:43

Gosh OP, having read more of the thread it’s clear this baby is not safe. This man is dangerous and your baby is at risk. You need to seek professional help. You need to put your baby’s safety first now.

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