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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed DH used dishcloth to wipe babies face?

433 replies

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:16

NC I don’t want this post linked to others.

Just had a bit of a disagreement with DH and wondering if I’m being unreasonable here.

Our baby, three months old, was sick down his chin and on his bouncer and DH grabbed the dishcloth that was sitting by the kitchen sink to wipe it from baby’s face and mouth. I said “are you really using a dishcloth?” and he said yes. When I asked would he use one on his own face, he said yes he’d use it on his own face (so what’s the problem, in other words).

The cloth was taken from our washing up bowl, and the cloths I had recently bleached yesterday. It was a microfibre cloth and DH uses these cloths to wipe up mess from the floor, we use them to wipe the sides and wash dishes.

AIBU or am I being a bit too precious about this?

Another example, he often picks baby up by both arms, did it this morning to take him out the bath and carry him two metres across the room and he keeps doing it, just another example of things he does that I don’t agree with.

Whenever I point things out to him he instead gets defensive and says “don’t tell me how to parent DC.” When he points things out to me I change what I’m doing, because my goal is just to want the best for DC but he thinks my safety concerns are silly and trying to wrap him in cotton wool.

Generally we are struggling with our newborn to be on the same page with safety concerns and I’m feeling very stuck and isolated as he will not respect my wishes when I call things out.

I’m really struggling.

OP posts:
namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 08:39

He didn’t press he he patted his head @Kimwestonhelpless

OP posts:
Kimwestonhelpless · 30/06/2025 08:39

Op I wasn't having a go but if he's that clever he should know not to press on baby's soft spot.theres a lot he's done that's very questionable to say the least.

Mmhmmn · 30/06/2025 08:35

If there’s a reputable source online that says babies shouldn’t be picked up by their arms (not sure why he would even think of doing it though - weird) show or send him that to read and absorb in his own time. He obvs can’t take criticism or verbal instruction, however it’s framed.

Foolsgold74 · 30/06/2025 08:32

The fragile ego of a man is unimportant and shouldn't be pandered to when a babys safety is at risk (or at any other time for that matter). Who cares if he's intelligent and can out-wit you in an argument. It doesn't make him the boss of you.

Mmhmmn · 30/06/2025 08:31

A cloth that’s been used on the floor shouldn’t be going back near the sink at all 🤮

Barnbrack · 30/06/2025 08:31

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 08:28

@Kimwestonhelplessim not defending him AT all but outside of the things ive mentioned he does have a good bond with DC and DC alway smiles with him - he apart the things im mentioning is good with him. I don’t worry he’s going to intentionally do him harm. It’s that his arrogance cannot deal with any criticism from anyone or even pointing something out could be done a better way often goes wrong. I have to really think now about how I say things and even if it’s framed nicely it can be ridiculed or dismissed. I’m sure some of my concerns at times are silly but so what? I just had a baby ffs

He is intentionally doing him harm

Barnbrack · 30/06/2025 08:30

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 08:11

@Barnbrackno he’s very high in IQ and this is the issue. Because he is clever at a lot of logical things in daily life he spans that to all areas of life and thinks he knows best with everything and I believe that’s why we are having these issues.

He's cruel and abusive. That's the problem. There are no positives here.

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 08:28

@Kimwestonhelplessim not defending him AT all but outside of the things ive mentioned he does have a good bond with DC and DC alway smiles with him - he apart the things im mentioning is good with him. I don’t worry he’s going to intentionally do him harm. It’s that his arrogance cannot deal with any criticism from anyone or even pointing something out could be done a better way often goes wrong. I have to really think now about how I say things and even if it’s framed nicely it can be ridiculed or dismissed. I’m sure some of my concerns at times are silly but so what? I just had a baby ffs

OP posts:
BlueSeagull · 30/06/2025 08:26

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 08:11

@Barnbrackno he’s very high in IQ and this is the issue. Because he is clever at a lot of logical things in daily life he spans that to all areas of life and thinks he knows best with everything and I believe that’s why we are having these issues.

No you have these issues because HE is hurting your baby YOU need to decide where your priorities are before this situation becomes a headline

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 08:11

@Barnbrackno he’s very high in IQ and this is the issue. Because he is clever at a lot of logical things in daily life he spans that to all areas of life and thinks he knows best with everything and I believe that’s why we are having these issues.

OP posts:
Kimwestonhelpless · 30/06/2025 08:10

He's a grade A idiot..the baby is 3months old.
The baby doesn't need to toughen up.
Don't let your baby become a news headline.

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 08:06

@Gettingamixedresponseyou are spot on, he is really worried of spoiling the child or making him soft. Which I’ve said is ridiculous because he’s a BABY

OP posts:
Owlette2 · 30/06/2025 07:58

This is so sad to read, your poor baby deserves better 💔

You know it’s wrong why the hell aren’t you protecting this poor baby, had I been lucky enough to be able to have children nothing and no one would have stopped me protecting them.

TicklishSheep · 30/06/2025 07:55

You need to protect your child. He is a vulnerable tiny baby and it is your job to protect him. He has no one else.

You must know that your husband’s behaviour is inappropriate and dangerous. If you can’t see that, get some advice from your GP or health visitor and sign up to a parenting course asap. The dishcloth thing is disgusting but it’s so not the main issue.

You must call out your husband every single time, even if it causes an argument. Surely it is better to be single and have your baby safe than sit by passively and watch this arsehole harm your baby.

You need to DO SOMETHING. At least tell your mother what’s been happening for goodness sake. Maybe she will help you see sense.

RazzleDazz1e · 30/06/2025 07:55

How much longer are you going to let this go on, OP? Here’s your post of 7th June on another thread:

“safetyfirst1 · 07/06/2025 17:34

**I have started to, but another example he patted the top of his head not softly but not really hard either but heard enough that I worried about babies soft spot, and I didn’t know if he knew babies had this.
I said don’t touch him there as he has a soft spot and it isn’t good for them to which he did it again and laughed.
He genuinely thought it was amusing and that I was being over reacting.
Is a fairly soft pat on a newborns head me over reacting? I feel like I’ve almost lost sense and confidence of when I should and shouldn’t step in. And even if I was I just think he should let me know given I’m a new mom just protecting my son.”

This was nearly 4 weeks ago along with your husband letting your baby cry for 20 minutes until he was sick. PLEASE re-read your old thread and try to organise your thoughts- difficult as it may be in your situation…. your baby needs you. If it helps send the thread links to a family member. Please get help, before it’s too late.

Gettingamixedresponse · 30/06/2025 07:47

It seems to me @namechangesafe that he’s trying to ‘toughen the child up’ in that stupid way some men do. And you objecting to any of it (face wiping with a dirty cloth, picking him up roughly) is nanby-pamby. He’s a dick who won’t be told. I’ve seen this exact thing with a friends husband. He knew fucking everything. Follow your instincts. Deep breath. If it feels wrong, it is wrong. Don’t doubt your instinct.

Lolapusht · 30/06/2025 07:45

You also don’t “play” with a newborn. You keep them safe and interact with them. Playing like that comes much later if at all.

What did he do that you’re mum called him out on?

Lolapusht · 30/06/2025 07:43

RazzleDazz1e · 30/06/2025 05:57

Furthermore, your other post where you describe your husband leaving your baby to cry until being sick you described your husband touching your baby’s soft spot and laughing. Despite you telling him not to. PROTECT YOUR BABY.

WTAF?! 😱

If he did that, he was laughing about touching your baby’s brain. You know what a soft spot is, yes and why it needs to be protected? He was LAUGHING while deliberately touching it.

OP - THIS MAN IS DANGEROUS.

YOU NEED TO LEAVE.

TELL YOUR MUM/GP/HEALTH VISITOR TODAY.

Springadorable · 30/06/2025 07:39

PopeJoan2 · 29/06/2025 22:34

Sorry, what? Because the dishcloth is used on the floor as well as dishes it is ok to wipe the poor baby’s face with it?

Op, your dh is out of order in both regards.

No, I'm saying there's no way I would do it. But if the general approach in the house is that you use a rag that is covered in floor grime to supposedly clean dishes which you eat off and that's ok, it's hardly the biggest leap to quickly wipe a baby's face with it.

Foolsgold74 · 30/06/2025 07:38

mathanxiety · 30/06/2025 05:16

Your husband chose the wrong cloth and is not man enough to admit it.

Of course the dishcloth/ floorcloth is not the cloth to use to wipe the baby's face. I can't believe there are (presumably) mothers here who think it was ok.

Sorry you're dealing with a manchild. This is the main issue.

The pair of you have a long eighteen years of parenting ahead. His inability or refusal to take constructive criticism is going to corrode your relationship past the point of no return if it is left unaddressed.

I know youre probably both tired, and it's hard to find a babysitter, but you need to hash this out with a marriage counselor before his bad habit becomes his default response.

No you do not. It's absolutely critical that you DO NOT go to counselling with a man like this. It cannot be said loud enough or often enough. Do not even consider it.

Barnbrack · 30/06/2025 07:31

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 07:29

@Imisscoffee2021hes basically wringing the cloth out over his head thinks he’s playing

Use your critical thinking skills woman. Is he generally of very low IQ? If not then why would you think he'd be this stupid? It's deliberate. It's to torture you and see how much he can torture the baby

namechangesafe · 30/06/2025 07:29

@Imisscoffee2021hes basically wringing the cloth out over his head thinks he’s playing

OP posts:
Imisscoffee2021 · 30/06/2025 07:28

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 22:14

@Imisscoffee2021its nothing to do with him getting wet as he has no problem pouring water over his head during bath time a lot (this also annoys me but I don’t say anything as I realise it isn’t harmful just unnecessary for a three month old ImO who is blinking because of the water).

It might be harmful if he breathes in and aspirates water if its alot :( I feel for you, I can't imagine seeing your DH act this way towards baby and you. It's such a time to be gentle with a child, and be a team with your wife/partner as post partum can be hell with the sleep deprivation and hormones as it is!

WaltzingWaters · 30/06/2025 06:40

Really grim. (I also wouldn’t use a cloth to wipe the floor and then use it to wash dishes).

A young baby also should not be dragged along by their arms, no.

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 30/06/2025 06:04

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 23:23

@Werpi don’t see what it will solve - it’s why I see the therapist

It will solve your baby from being killed by your husband.

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