To be annoyed DH used dishcloth to wipe babies face?

…and have you said ‘stop it. He doesn’t like it…” or something similar?

What was his response?

What did he do that your mum was concerned about?

So he's trying to drown him as well, or likes making him blink in discomfort. Bloody hell.

Sorry for the delay. She was sat on the floor and he picked her up by her hands in temper. Her shoulder was pulled out. I cringe when I see people swing in their child between them. So so risky.

The dishcloth is disgusting but lifting up by the arms is horrifying!

Picking him up by the arms is intentionally harming him and you are absolutely defending him and making up excuses for him.

You said he isn't stupid so he's doing it on purpose. What are you going to do about it?

You can phone them.
Or you can attend their clinics.

Or go to your GP.

BUT GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE AND PROTECT YOUR BABY.

(Wild stab in the dark here, but does everything centre around DH?)

YES.

This is the OP of the thread about putting her 3 month old baby into nursery - the overwhelming advice on that was for her to get a nanny. The OP said she couldn't, because her husband didn't want another person in the house.

We can see exactly why now.

There could be a drop in clinic you can attend. My baby is the same age as yours and that’s how I see my HV now, every 4 weeks.

Send her a text if you’re unsure of the set up for your local area.

I would be very surprised if no one has sent the information in this thread to social services or the NSPCC. OP I don’t know if they will be able to work out who and where you are with mumsnets help, but you should talk to a professional as soon as possible yourself so that if they are able to they will see you as able to protect your baby. I feel so deeply for you, but I look at my own older baby and think if I saw someone treating him as your husband is yours I would sprint across the room, take the baby and go somewhere safe. You do have good instincts but you are not listening to them and that is putting your baby in danger.

What creates issues is that he’s a fucking abuser, OP. You have a responsibility to protect your child. All this nonsense about ‘he’s not malicious’ (he is) simply does not matter. Do you not understand that? These things he’s doing could seriously hurt your baby. Stop flapping about going on about how confused you are and do something, ffs.

This is a deeply frustrating thread.

Op, do you have a health visitor ? At this point I wouldn't be worrying about what the man thought of me bringing unit up, I would want him to compute how unsafe he is being. So I would ensure the next visit is when you are both present and you can bring these things up.

Just wanted to say exactly this!

Exactly this! He's making you complicit op

What is his job and education level

The more you mention his behaviour the more horrifying it seems.

Take your baby to your mums today and don't return. Call your Health Visitor and Women's Aid for advice about solicitors.

He will keep thinking up more and more dubious risky ways to treat your baby because he knows how upsetting it is for you. Your newborn is at risk. You have to get him away from this person.

Sadly other threads make it clear this man is doing a lot of unsupervised ‘care’ of this baby. Far better if she could move in with her mother.

I disagree with the posters saying leave him now. I would stay with him for now so you can supervise him with the baby and gather evidence to show he shouldn’t have unsupervised contact in the event of a split.

With how your husband has conditioned you, it might be hard not to hear your husband’s voice as you read all of these replies. He’d be telling you that we are all hysterical women making a big deal out of his behaviour, that he’s got a great bond with your baby and would never do anything to hurt her and that we are all just creating unnecessary drama. Please start pushing that voice to the side and let your voice take control. A way more accurate overview of this situation is a group of women telling you in different ways that your daughter isn’t safe around your husband because of his actions. If a woman was being physically abused, I’m sure you’d question them saying “he’s such a great husband, he just hits me sometimes”. You are saying something similar except there are two victims - you are being emotionally abused so you don’t trust yourself and are scared to speak up and your daughter is being physically abused. Please don’t disappear from the chat because it’s easier to hide, stay small and put up with the bad bits because there are some good bits. As others have said, this behaviour can escalate. Let us support you and protect your baby by stopping his actions. If it gets scarier and harder, that’s because he’s showing you how unsafe he is.

Are you frightened he will get unsupervised access if you divorce?

Im trying to word this carefully, before there's a pile on, but OP I don't understand how or why you aren't listening.

I know you know it's wrong. The water over his face in the bath for example. Nobody picked up on that initially, so you brought it up again until someone did. You waited until a whole lot of people were horrified by it then said you'd mention it to him.

The cloth being used on his face, that was initially a dishcloth then turned into a floor cloth too, again obviously worse.

Then the blanket, the crying until hes sick it's all just bloody dreadful and the kind of thing you read about in the paper when you hear the background of a court case.

For you to bring these things up tells me you know it's wrong, and yet your solution is to tell the man to stop and that will fix it. It's no wonder posters are getting frustrated. I think you've had a very easy ride on here quite honestly especially when in your earlier posts you seem to rank a settled relationship higher than your child.

Im interested to hear what it was that happened to make your mother intervene. Surely she's your biggest ally in all this?

I appreciate that things are hard and your confused etc, but you can do more than you're doing while you get your head together. "You look tired H I'll do night feeds, oh ds has already had a bath there's no need for you to do it" and predominantly "if you pick him up by the arms again then im leaving you, hes a baby not a doll"

You don't need to defer to him because he has intelligence in some areas: where it REALLY matters in life, he has none and no empathy either- namely caring for a child. Perhaps he could apply his scientific logic to the science of dislocated jouits and the dangers of bruising a babies brain by messing with the fontinelle.

We all have different levels of intelligence and bring different things to the table, but it sounds like he's worn you down to believing he is some kind of guru who has all the answers and you dont. I know men like this who are professionally top of their game but then bring that thinking into the home and other relationships. It doesn't wash. My uncle specifically said he'd marry someone less intelligent than him, it was a goal. He dominates her now and has for years.

A previous poster has mentioned escalation of behaviour, and this is a classic start to potential worse abuse. Noone knows how yo look after a new baby really, you learn on the job, but even people without kids knows you do not whack a soft spot or pour water down their face or carry them by their hands so underdeveloped wrist and elbow joints are bearing the weight.

The lifting by the arms - just no. Get him told.

my grandad used to wipe my face with his cloth hanky - used. It gives me the boak thinking about it now but I survived unscathed.

It's so sad to see how he is controlling you and making you question everything you think and do. Deep down you know this is his fault not yours. While leaving must seem terrifying you need to do it to protect your baby and yourself.

He picks the baby up dangerously.
He feeds the baby dangerously.
He bathes the baby dangerously.
He doesn't listen to your concerns about the babies health.

You are stepping on egg shells constantly to try and apease him, do you want your child growing up like this? Your baby needs you to protect them

Have you understood what people are saying? No one thinks it matters what your husband’s feelings are, or yours about him, we’re all worried for your baby’s basic safety.

That baby smiles at him is not proof of being a good father. I’m afraid abused children have a bond and feel love for their abusers, it’s how they survive and causes them many future problems.