Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed DH used dishcloth to wipe babies face?

433 replies

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:16

NC I don’t want this post linked to others.

Just had a bit of a disagreement with DH and wondering if I’m being unreasonable here.

Our baby, three months old, was sick down his chin and on his bouncer and DH grabbed the dishcloth that was sitting by the kitchen sink to wipe it from baby’s face and mouth. I said “are you really using a dishcloth?” and he said yes. When I asked would he use one on his own face, he said yes he’d use it on his own face (so what’s the problem, in other words).

The cloth was taken from our washing up bowl, and the cloths I had recently bleached yesterday. It was a microfibre cloth and DH uses these cloths to wipe up mess from the floor, we use them to wipe the sides and wash dishes.

AIBU or am I being a bit too precious about this?

Another example, he often picks baby up by both arms, did it this morning to take him out the bath and carry him two metres across the room and he keeps doing it, just another example of things he does that I don’t agree with.

Whenever I point things out to him he instead gets defensive and says “don’t tell me how to parent DC.” When he points things out to me I change what I’m doing, because my goal is just to want the best for DC but he thinks my safety concerns are silly and trying to wrap him in cotton wool.

Generally we are struggling with our newborn to be on the same page with safety concerns and I’m feeling very stuck and isolated as he will not respect my wishes when I call things out.

I’m really struggling.

OP posts:
namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:34

@PeapodMcgeehe will just say the doctor is being over cautious

OP posts:
itsobviousright · 29/06/2025 21:34

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:32

I feel so angry inside when he picks him up by hands, how uncomfortable it must be for him but I don’t say anything to not make these marital issues we are having any worse.

Screw your marital issues - protect your baby. If that means leaving your husband, so be it

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:33

I will add he has a good bond with DC and pulls his weight a lot. It’s the arrogance that is causing the issue of him just not listening to advice unless he thinks it’s valid, and thinking he always knows best

OP posts:
PeapodMcgee · 29/06/2025 21:33

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:32

I feel so angry inside when he picks him up by hands, how uncomfortable it must be for him but I don’t say anything to not make these marital issues we are having any worse.

As I say, your baby will be removed if you can't keep them safe. Please take baby to a doctor and tell them what you have told us.

You need to be parenting alone, and you need the support of social services. I don't say that lightly.

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:32

I feel so angry inside when he picks him up by hands, how uncomfortable it must be for him but I don’t say anything to not make these marital issues we are having any worse.

OP posts:
itsobviousright · 29/06/2025 21:32

Is this the same man who left the baby to scream itself sick in a dark room alone? Picking a 3 month old up by the arms is fucking abuse - he doesnt give a shit about this child, that much is obvious just from this post alone

Eldermileniummam · 29/06/2025 21:31

We also use cheeky wipes for hands and face (separate ones for bums when DC were babies) and everything was washed after each use.

With kitchen cloths we also use and put straight in the wash. I sometimes wash the DC face with a kitchen cloth but it's a fresh one out of the drawer that then goes in the wash... I wouldn't have done what your DH did but I don't leave dirty cloths lying around anyway.

ETA I probably wouldn't do it if they'd been sick or something either.

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:30

@MidSumnercan you explain what it is that makes you say that?

OP posts:
namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:30

@LoztWorldyes by the hands so he is dangling

OP posts:
MidSumner · 29/06/2025 21:30

I'd rather do it alone that with him

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:29

He insists the kitchen floor is clean and there’s more germs in the sink than on the floor. He refuses to stop doing it so much so that I figured I may aswell do it too if they’ll be used for the floor anyway

OP posts:
LoztWorld · 29/06/2025 21:29

UnfashionableArtex · 29/06/2025 21:24

@namechangesafe what do you mean by the arms? As in grabs the baby's arms and pulls upwards?!

Yes do you mean actually by the arms or holding baby under the armpits? if under the armpits that’s fine at 3 months. If by the arms/hands that’s abuse!

Dishcloth thing sounds fine as it sounds to me that it was newly and thoroughly cleaned. I’ll be honest and say i use whatever’s lying around to clean my kids faces and no issues so far… i have a tiny baby right now too.

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:28

@PeapodMcgeei actually haven’t said anything about the lifting arms thing and I’m trying hard to pick my battles. I clearly chose the wrong battle, but at the moment I’m hormonal and just not always thinking straight.

I’ve felt uncomfortable with the lifting thing but am too worried to say anything because as another poster said if I keep chipping away it is going to mean I’m doing it alone.

but I also am struggling to keep silent.

I’ve said to him why can’t we just be one the same team rather than against each other he says because he feels things I point out are often not safety issues and are illogical

OP posts:
Mulledjuice · 29/06/2025 21:28

DH uses these cloths to wipe up mess from the floor, we use them to wipe the sides and wash dishes.

This is much more of an issue than a dish cloth on the face.

The arms thing isn't good.

I made an agreement that I would only call out stuff DP did if it was dangerous (rather than preference) IF he read x parenting book/ did some research himself.

Eenameenadeeka · 29/06/2025 21:25

Yanbu

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:25

@Confrontayshunmeyes I’m aware which is why I’m struggling. Quite badly.

today for example, I’ve told him baby has a rash on his face. His response was so dis the lady at works baby it’s normal (as if I’m worrying over nothing). Our baby also often cries after feeds and now myself a family member and nanny said he gets sick a lot, he says no he doesn’t and he hardly ever gets sick when he feeds him.

I’ve also said baby is often not napping long in the day, his response was he does for me.

like Wtaf, I’m end of my tether.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 29/06/2025 21:25

The dishcloth one is not ideal, but not the end of the world. I wouldn't have commented on that to him. It does feel a bit picky particularly since he just grabbed it quick to wipe sick up. You should stop cleaning your dishes with the same cloth you use to clean the floor though!

The arm one is unacceptable. That's not a safe way to move a baby. If he damaged the baby doing this it would be a red flag for the hospital and you'd be find yourselves getting a visit from SS.

UnfashionableArtex · 29/06/2025 21:24

@namechangesafe what do you mean by the arms? As in grabs the baby's arms and pulls upwards?!

Radionowhere · 29/06/2025 21:23

Missed the part about lifting the baby up by the arms. That's totally unacceptable.

PeapodMcgee · 29/06/2025 21:23

If / when your baby becomes injured, you will be expected (by social services) to safeguard your baby from him.

I would take baby to GP or A&E to check for fractures. Awfully common when living with such a man, I'm afraid.

DahliaBlooming · 29/06/2025 21:23

Just reading the title of your thread made me feel sick. YANBU

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:22

@Radionowhereyes we have Muslims lots of them, there was even kitchen towel available. There were Muslins in the next room that were about to go in the wash but I’d rather him used one of these

OP posts:
MammaTo · 29/06/2025 21:22

No that is proper gross, you wouldn’t wipe your own face with it so why wipe a baby.

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:21

I haven’t mentioned anything about lifting baby up because this is where I’m at, any issue I raise gets dismissed and I am made to be silly

OP posts:
Radionowhere · 29/06/2025 21:21

YANBU. Can you agree to disagree and keep something on hand, muslin for example, that can be used instead?