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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed DH used dishcloth to wipe babies face?

433 replies

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:16

NC I don’t want this post linked to others.

Just had a bit of a disagreement with DH and wondering if I’m being unreasonable here.

Our baby, three months old, was sick down his chin and on his bouncer and DH grabbed the dishcloth that was sitting by the kitchen sink to wipe it from baby’s face and mouth. I said “are you really using a dishcloth?” and he said yes. When I asked would he use one on his own face, he said yes he’d use it on his own face (so what’s the problem, in other words).

The cloth was taken from our washing up bowl, and the cloths I had recently bleached yesterday. It was a microfibre cloth and DH uses these cloths to wipe up mess from the floor, we use them to wipe the sides and wash dishes.

AIBU or am I being a bit too precious about this?

Another example, he often picks baby up by both arms, did it this morning to take him out the bath and carry him two metres across the room and he keeps doing it, just another example of things he does that I don’t agree with.

Whenever I point things out to him he instead gets defensive and says “don’t tell me how to parent DC.” When he points things out to me I change what I’m doing, because my goal is just to want the best for DC but he thinks my safety concerns are silly and trying to wrap him in cotton wool.

Generally we are struggling with our newborn to be on the same page with safety concerns and I’m feeling very stuck and isolated as he will not respect my wishes when I call things out.

I’m really struggling.

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 29/06/2025 22:00

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:30

@LoztWorldyes by the hands so he is dangling

That's dreadful. So dangerous for the baby.

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:59

I feel awful now. Bad about myself, everything really.

having a baby has been such a joyous experience but emotionally very difficult for me.

I am just emotionally struggling.

OP posts:
Tadahhh · 29/06/2025 21:59

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:20

Because it’s a baby and hence why bottles are sterilised etc, it’s different for my own dishes because my immune system is much stronger @Wolfpa

That’s not why bottles are sterilised.

Nursemumma92 · 29/06/2025 21:58

The dishcloth situation is grim but not significant compared to picking a baby up by his hands and leaving him dangling. As PP have said, it could cause fractures or elbow/shoulder dislocations and your baby does not deserve to go through that.

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/doctor-warning-parents-children-wrist-warning-b2559198.html show him this if need be- I know it is by the wrist in the article but the risks are the same.

Doctor warns about one way parents should never pick up their children

Grabbing a toddler by the wrist can result in injury called nursemaid’s elbow

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/doctor-warning-parents-children-wrist-warning-b2559198.html

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:57

Ok thank you all for responses. I will bring it up and hope it doesn’t create an argument but if it does so be it.

this is part of the problem I feel confidence is completely eroded with parenting and calling things out. My reality feels distorted and it’s difficult for me to make judgements right now.

i don’t know if it’s because im a bad decision maker or hormones I have no idea but I feel emotionally worn down.

OP posts:
WakeMeFriday · 29/06/2025 21:57

OP I know how hard things might be for you right now, when you are at your most vulnerable phase of life. Please explain clearly to your husband about how fragile and vulnerable a 3 months old baby is which is still a newborn really. Their neck and back needs to be supported. They shouldn't be held by arms. Also, involve the HV to explain to him about how important it is.
Please prioritise your baby. The baby matters more than anything.

itsobviousright · 29/06/2025 21:57

HappyNewTaxYear · 29/06/2025 21:54

Speak to your health visitor about the arms thing. This is not on. Very easy to dislocate joints like this. Your baby is not a doll. I’m getting stressed on your behalf at the thought of this, as are previous posters by the looks of things.

Very much so, actually can't bear to think of this tiny toot being repeatedly picked up by the hands and having an undiagnosed dislocation

loobyloo1979 · 29/06/2025 21:56

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:49

@loobyloo1979i am totally listening! What makes you think I’m not?!

trust me I am and I’m just confused, and in a mess right now

As @Poobs2022says , you keep saying you'll pick your battles. Your baby is in danger of being seriously hurt. If my dh had done that and not listened he would have been out of the door as it meant he couldn't keep him safe. You aren't keeping your baby safe!! He's a tiny human, he needs to be protected, which neither of you are doing.

HappyNewTaxYear · 29/06/2025 21:54

Speak to your health visitor about the arms thing. This is not on. Very easy to dislocate joints like this. Your baby is not a doll. I’m getting stressed on your behalf at the thought of this, as are previous posters by the looks of things.

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 29/06/2025 21:53

He used a cloth recently soaked in bleach on your baby's face? Honestly he is a dick head.
Imo he will be one of those df's who wrestle their dc until they cry. Then label your dc a wuss..
Imo.

anytipswelcome · 29/06/2025 21:53

I’ve concluded I will call out things that could be life or death and leave it otherwise.

Then your child isn’t safe in your home, to be completely honest. Neither parent focusing on the baby’s wellbeing adequately in order to prioritise one parent’s ego. Sorry OP, it’s not fair on your baby to make that decision. Literally prioritising perceived harmony in your marriage (but actually just walking on eggshells and appeasing his ego) over the safety of your child. And admitting that’s the plan.

WakeMeFriday · 29/06/2025 21:52

2025ismybestyear · 29/06/2025 21:47

My husband picked up our toddler by her arms. Hospital. Cast. Not using arm for quite some time. Your h is a twat.

Cloth thing , terrible.

@2025ismybestyear sorry to hear about your toddler. Can I ask if it was just once they were held by their hands which lead to the fracture?
Asking as I have some family members who need telling off for this.

CrackingOn50 · 29/06/2025 21:51

Is this the same man who prop feeds the baby whilst lay down?

PeapodMcgee · 29/06/2025 21:51

Please just tell us you will take your baby to a doctor. Babies can't tell us when they are injured.

Kimwestonhelpless · 29/06/2025 21:51

JustAnInchident · 29/06/2025 21:43

Quite. Can’t believe you’d rather play nice with your husband at the expense of your child getting physically hurt by this man. What the actual fuck are you thinking?!

The expression speaking to a brick wall springs to mind.

socialdilemmawhattodo · 29/06/2025 21:51

Please please get a grip on your anxieties. Dishcloth in the moment - your kid will be fine. Dangling by the arms - perhaps less so. You are muddling concerns, no wonder your DH is struggling to understand the real issues, and is dismissing them all. I worked with a woman like you and the drama with her PFB. Oh my God drama, after drama, with the husband, the nursery, life, it was awful. The child started school and was perfectly fine. The hysteria from the mother just off the scale. I stopped listening. No amount of reassurance worked, but it affected her work and her competence.

Poobs2022 · 29/06/2025 21:51

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:49

@loobyloo1979i am totally listening! What makes you think I’m not?!

trust me I am and I’m just confused, and in a mess right now

Most likely because you're saying you'll pick your battles and you're not wanting to raise the lifting by the arms issue. It's not safe.

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:49

@loobyloo1979i am totally listening! What makes you think I’m not?!

trust me I am and I’m just confused, and in a mess right now

OP posts:
IShouldNotCoco · 29/06/2025 21:48

YANBU

2025ismybestyear · 29/06/2025 21:47

My husband picked up our toddler by her arms. Hospital. Cast. Not using arm for quite some time. Your h is a twat.

Cloth thing , terrible.

loobyloo1979 · 29/06/2025 21:47

Op you're not listening, your making excuses. Your priorities are wrong. Dish cloth is horrid but picking up by his arms is damn right dangerous!!

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:46

@Emonadewhy do you think he’s abusive? He just says I’m bossy but as other posters said I was calling out too many things after baby was born. To me they were all valid but obviously not to him and therefore it makes me look like I’m nit picking so now it makes it difficult

OP posts:
soupyspoon · 29/06/2025 21:45

itsobviousright · 29/06/2025 21:44

He's lifted a 3 month old up by the hands repeatedly, risking potentially dislocating their shoulders or elbows - that is harmful and risky

I was talking about the dishcloth. I have answered about the handling

Icanttakethisanymore · 29/06/2025 21:45

The cloth thing is a non-issue imo. I wouldn’t let him pick the baby up by his arms though, that’s not acceptable. It’s worrying that you don’t think you can tell him that he is hurting your child and that you do think he’d believe you, or even a Dr if they said the same thing.

namechangesafe · 29/06/2025 21:45

@rwalkerues this is the problem I’m trying so hard to do that. I’m new to this too, baby is only three months. I’m aware I’ve not been picking battles and now I am trying to I am finding it hard to actually know when to say. And even when I do say the battle is worth fighting for I’m often dismissed (not all the time) but most of the time.

my safety concerns are often me being woke or over protective.

OP posts:
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