To be annoyed DH used dishcloth to wipe babies face?

It will keep your baby safe. It’s not about you sorting you marriage. It’s about you protecting your baby. I’m not trying to be harsh as I actually think you’re a victim. But the most important thing here is your husband potentially hurting your baby

YABU to keep posting about DH's unreasonable and at times abusive behaviour and doing nothing about it. The minute you said ''I don't want this post linked to others'' I knew exactly who you were.

DH isn't a good dad and you need to protect your baby. Wake up.

OP, I think your confusion and feeling detached from reality is due to cognitive dissonance. Your maternal instincts are screaming at you to stop protect your baby (from DH) but because he is abusive and has gaslit you into thinking all the problems are yours, you don’t feel able to say these things to him for fear of his reaction.

You are in conflict because you see what he does and your instinct is to not let that happen to your baby but you can’t bring yourself to say something because he’s trined you not to.

It sounds like he’s projecting his abusive behaviour onto you…he’s the gaslighter, he’s abusive etc. He’s twisting everything around and making you the problem. What was your feeling after the therapy session? Did you feel like the therapist blamed you for all the marital problems? Did you feel embarrassed afterwards or was him mentioning it the first it was a notion?

From what you’ve written, he gets to parent how he wants but you don’t. He can freely criticise you and tell you what you’re doing wrong, but you can’t do the same. He can tell you how awful you are but you can’t tell him. This is not right.

From what you have posted:

Cleaned the baby’s face with a dirty cloth (sorry, but this is gross. I used to live with someone who was a “neat freak” who would use the same cloth to wipe every surface within an inch of its life, clean chopping boards after cutting raw chicken then clean the bin lid (🤢) then put the cloth back on the sink to use again. Absolutely grim. Add a floor clean to that and I wouldn’t even want to touch it. To use that cloth on a 3 month old’s face is completely unnecessary and utterly disgusting.Take the extra 30 seconds to get a clean muslin for God’s sake).

Regularly lifts and walks while dangling a 3 month old (what about his head?! It’s still meant to be supported at that age, be remind the dislocation potential).

Prop feeds the baby.

Leaves baby in a dark room to cry.

Doesn’t care that water is splashing all over DC’s face when bathing (given what you’ve written about this man it won’t be the odd splash of water. I’m guessing it’s a full on splash with a “He’s fine”).

Refused to put a blanket on a (guessing) weeks old baby.

Those are just the things he does to your DC that are dangerous/neglectful/wilfully incompetent. All the while he’s acting like he invented parenting and doesn’t need to be told anything as he knows it all. Add to that the fact that he is shutting you down at every opportunity and not letting you parent. Yes, having a newborn is difficult and many couples argue due to lack of sleep or differences of opinion, but this isn’t that. He’s controlling you through your baby. When you rightfully challenge his terrible parenting, he tells you you’re toxic and abusive and the reason your marriage is failing and blames you for “ruining” his fatherhood. Sod that. He’s going to injure your child. He doesn’t care what your DC feels or thinks and that is going to get worse as DC gets older. He’ll not allow your child the space to be who they want to be. They will be criticised, bullied, and kept in their place.

You say you don’t want to start arguments the whole time. Have you thought that if DH wasn’t such a terrible parent you wouldn’t need to constantly point out what he’s doing wrong? You also say you don’t want to risk ruining your marriage by mentioning these things. Are you sure it’s worth saving?

Op I have just read previous comments about the way your husband is treating you & your poor baby please get help and protect your baby what if you ever had to leave them alone with him I am scared to think what could happen if he is doing this sort of thing when you are there and he doesn’t care. If something is to happen your baby you will never be able to live with yourself. I imagine you are scared, emotionally drained, it’s not what you imagined etc. but you are this little baby’s Mama they have no one else you need to stand up now and help them, you can & need to do it.

What about your baby’s best option? They are so little and vulnerable and relying entirely on you to make the right decisions to keep them safe. You need to tell everything to people in real life who can help you. Not just one or two ‘battles’ but all the disagreements and dangerous things your husband has done.

Please take your baby right now and go to A&E. Tell them everything. It is in your own best interests, and your baby's.

I remember your other posts, OP.

The dishcloth thing is gross, but lifting a three month old by the hands is just…wtf. You cannot let that happen, it is so dangerous.

It sounds like you really need to confide in some people in real life about what is happening. Maybe they will help you gain some perspective about how wrong and fucked up this all is.

She's just said it is her, yes.

I hope Mumsnet can trace OP's home address via her IP and the police, for this child abuse.

Yup, a whole horrible thread about him shutting his tiny baby in a dark room and leaving it screaming till mum discovered it covered in vomit. I suspect its the same OP

You need to protect your baby. This is how all child abuse issues start, you are being a passive abuser and an enable just by doing nothing and knowing that this is wrong. Get your baby first and then you away from this man.

The more I read the more I hope this is troll.
Bloody hell OP this makes me feel sick, balls to your H it's your baby that needs to be priority, surely deep down you know that.

I would fight a tiger for my kids. I wouldn't wait for permission to tuck a blanket round them I'd just do it. Picking them up by the hands? Just no words. Some things are worth an argument, even in front of a baby. Some things are worth leaving someone for - the safety of your child is one of them.

You HAVE to do something here before something massive happens that there's no coming back from. The dishcloth is the least of your worries.

This is how babies end up dead and parents end up in prison, taken to its extreme.

OP, your husband is likely to blame you for any present or future injuries found on your child. When you tell them it was him, why would they believe you? Why haven't you (or show no signs of) sought help or reported him?

What? Who the fuck does that? Leaving a baby to cry that much is horrible.

Omg he is abusing your child in front of your face. This could dislocate the child’s arms. Get out of the house now with your child and stay with a relative. Call social services. This is an abuser and it will get worse.

He sounds awful and very much like my ex. Have you ever considered things are so hard for you because of him? Do you actually love him or just feel grateful hes there because your self worth is so low?

it's really important to understand that there is no right way, no right time or rifht fight for him to listen to you and respect your opinion. There's no magic words. Everything he does is protect his own ego, at your expense. Anything less than praise and admiration will be thrown back at you.

The things you have raised are awful, I worry so much about the things he might have been doing to you that you've just accepted as normal.

How do you feel when he walks in the door? If your stomach drops, it's your body trying to tell you this isn't OK or safe for you.

Sorry- I posted without RTFT. @namechangesafe I see you have already decided to speak to your HV. That's good. Please don't tell him you're going to do this. You have lost all perspective on what is reasonable. Taking a newborn out in minus temperatures without a blanket is neglectful and abusive. His who attitude and the way he speaks to you is abusive. Him accusing you of abusive him, is the full house in abuser bingo. Sorry to be so blunt, but he's a risk to your baby.

But… why???

Please don’t OP. I’m sorry my post contributed to you feeling this way. You need some outside help in real life and you deserve to have that support.

You’re being hugely let down by your partner and I promise that even if it doesn’t feel like it now, navigating parenthood as a single parent is much better than doing so while in a relationship with a toxic and abusive and unsupportive partner.

I think you’re so tired and confused that you didn’t mean it when you said you’d only intervene in life and death, you’re just exhausted and desperate and I don’t blame you

A friend once told me that she’d been known to wipe her kids’ faces with the floor cloth when there was nothing else handy. Both now healthy adults with dcs of their own. And both Oxford graduates incidentally - maybe floorcloth germs are good for the brain…

Pick your battles. This is dangerous. I personally think the dishcloth thing is grim. Your H sounds like an absolute cunt. Talk to your HV or GP and take steps to protect your baby. You sound really defeated by his revolting attitude. Is he abusive in other ways? I'm guessing so.

I agree. Because she ended up not putting a blanket on her baby when it was freezing out snd her tiny newborn was cold for fear of causing an argument. This isn’t ok at all.

Wtf is wrong with him? I am sorry to say this op, but the person who said he was abusive may have nailed it.