Relatives living with us - no jobs

TEN WEEKS?????!

Are you completely crackers?! Ten days would be generous, yet you are feeding, subsidising and treating two able bodied individuals who can't get off their arses and do a job, any job.

They are on to a good time with you, and they know it.

Just tell them you are now financially compromised, you cannot do it any longer. I am gobsmacked you have gone on so long with this farce.

OP, you have the patience of a saint! Why have you put up with this for so long?

You would be totally reasonable to tell these freeloaders that they either get a job pronto or they go home. Set a date, stick to it.

Im not being funny but ChatGPT is really good way of planning what you are going to say for these difficult conversations.

There are things you arnt telling us. Are they entitled to come here and work? Do they have British citizenship? They can't work without permits to do so otherwise, tourist visas don't allow them to work under the current regulations in most circumstances if they are not British..that includes Commonwealth countries. They must have a National Insurance number. Are these young relatives on a gap year or something? Their attitude is very entitled and they are taking advantage of you. Nice, they are living with you rent free, eating you out of house and home, helping themselves to treats from your cupboards and fridge. Time for a talk. The substance of that talk? A time limit on a further period of stay., you u derstood the stay was to be temporary to help them out. To ask you when they wish to remove food from your fridge and cupboards since you have purposed it and it's galling when you go to use it and it's not there. A financial contribution towards their stay since you are finding it difficult to balance the books to live the way you want. I feel you've been too passive, it's time to act. Your husband needs to be on board. Whose relatives are they? If they're his he should have the conversation.

OP, are they your relatives or DH’s? If they’e yours, why don’t you tell them DH says they need to be gone in a week?

They are obviously behaving badly and you’re totally in the right but is there a chance they just don’t realise? If they’re young (you mention young but don’t say how young) then they could just be used to parent-type figures providing everything. They could be genuinely clueless that things like smoked salmon are more expensive and nibbles are for guests. Also if they’re from another country they could have a naive view about how much earnings are in your country and how far they stretch assuming that you can afford it all because you seem to be doing so well. It may not have occurred to them that it’s costing you a fortune.

And is it possible that you did the whole “please come and stay, you’re very welcome” bit and they heard that but not the “until you can find a job as long as it’s not for too long”. I’ve definitely done that before where I’ve been very enthusiastic welcoming someone assuming that they would know when to leave and they didn’t!! We’re talking more lunch rather than months but still. It is easily done.

Maybe very clear boundaries and explaining what you have explained here could help.

ie life is really expensive here and I can’t afford to support extra people for a long time. I said you were welcome until you found jobs but I was expecting this to happen more quickly. You need to get work asap and start saving to move/contributing to the household then add the ground rules etc

Good luck

Do they have a legal work permit?

Give them 4 weeks notice to leave. Tell them it isn’t working out and you can no longer accommodate them as it was only expected to be very short term.

Sit them down tonight and say “this clearly isn’t working out the way that any of us hoped, you’ve been here 10 weeks and haven’t done a day of work yet. We’ll book flights home for you for next week and hopefully you’ll have better luck finding work there.”

And don’t be moved on it. Either they’ll find a job, ANY job, to enable them to stay or they’ll go home and their parents can support their lazy lifestyle instead.

If you haven't already set them some tasks to earn their keep. Cleaning, cooking, gardening, childcare/babysitting/school pick up etc.
I would also set a timescale - for me that would be 2 - 6 weeks more max. You could use school holidays as a good cut off if relevant.

Can you give us more info OP? Whose relatives are they, yours or DH? And what is the relation? Cousins? Brothers and Sisters?
And where is their home country? Would they be able to go back to it?

Time for them to go home.

"Shame it didn't work out because you weren't able to get job. I can't pay for your life any more. Best you go home now. Bye."

I think their time over here coinciding with lovely weather has probably made them forget they’re not here on holiday but to work! I fear you with DH help need to make it clear your budget can’t be indefinitely stretched to accommodate their financial needs much longer and then set the boundaries and some time bound expectations.

@COUN they are not in the UK though and they have been turning jobs down.

Why would they work when you’re working To give them all they need.
You need to set some time frames…. Maybe hide some thing just until they get the hint. You need to give them a reason to find work.

OP I might be going against the grain here but the job market is appalling at the moment. It’s not what it was even 2 years ago, let alone 20. I have friends who have been out of work for 6+ months, despite job searching all day every day and willing to take ANYTHING. Probably applied for over 200 jobs and got 4 or 5 interviews where they’ve been appointable but jobs offered to somebody else.

Are they skilled/qualified in a particular area? What is the opportunity like in that area in your location? Are they actively applying for jobs or getting interviews or sitting around taking the piss out of you?

I’m not by any means saying the situation is okay, but it may be that this hasn’t worked out the way either of you hoped. They clearly haven’t planned their coming to the country very well if they have no money to pay their way and are taking advantage of your generosity. But it may be time for them to properly think about their future in the UK; this might not be what they expected either and may be something to factor into this difficult conversation.

(not being an arse here- I hope this is taken as constructively as I mean it to be)

I do have to wonder if (2) was the plan all along?

I think you need to have a semi formal chat with them. Arrange a time when you can all sit down together and say something like 'we've been happy to welcome you into our home but this was on the understanding you were looking for work. From x date we will need you to contribute by paying x amount of rent/ providing x number of family meals a week / purchasing your own snacks and alcohol (or whatever you'd like them to do) and that if they don't find work unfortunately they'll need to return home.
I'd be honest about how difficult and awkward the conversation is but that they need to take any job while they are waiting for the perfect one.
It will be uncomfortable but if you don't talk to them, things won't change.

They're holidaying at your expense. They’ll continue to think it’s ok if you keep allowing them to do it. Quite easily fixed- “I thought you would be working full time whilst you stayed here. I cannot afford to keep you here whilst you have a holiday. You will need to contribute or go home I’m afraid.”
Stop hand wringing and have a very short conversation. It could be solved in about 5 minutes.

Bizarre you have this insight
and yet have allowed it to fester on for almost three months with no end In sight

zero mention of your 3 children and husband

Seems like an odd situation you've gotten yourself into. When you discussed it before they came what was the plan? Why haven't they got a minimum wage job by now? What do they do all day?

That's extremely rude of them to stay for 10 weeks and not contribute. I often stay with relatives for 10 days or so as a holiday, and I always make a point of contributing to/paying for a grocery shop and some take-aways or a meal out.

You and your husband need to sit them down and say that unless they find a job by the end of the week, a full-time job, then they need to go home. They really need a short sharp shock with this one. They think they are on a luxury holiday. If they didn't work for 10 weeks back home they would starve.

Op, I hope that you are aware that they intend to live with you for the foreseeable future.
My childhood was blighted by the constant influx of relatives who were supposedly staying with us for a short time until they got jobs/ accommodation but wouldn’t leave.We had people stay with us for months and in one case we had a relative stay with us for a year.
Now this wouldn’t have been such an issue if my mother was financially sound and if we had a large house . She was a single mother with three children and we lived in a small flat

I do not allow my relatives to stay with me . I don’t mind helping out with a little financial assistance / housing advice but they cannot live in my home .I don’t want to end up in the position you find yourself
Op , your ‘mistake ‘ was allowing them to live with you . You have spoiled them
Your only solution is to give them an ultimatum that they need to find accommodation . This will probably cause some strife in the family but that is something that you will have to deal with