Relatives living with us - no jobs

Good luck tomorrow OP. I still think it needs a defined deadline or they go back home. Hard to do though, so sympathies.

This, did they come over with prior permission to work? This doesn't usually happen without some sort of sponsorship.

I bloody well hope not. You shouldn't be able to just pitch up from another country, make a half arsed effort to get work then present yourself homeless to the council. If they can't get work soon, and work that pays well enough to be able to afford their own rent in a house share, then they'll have to get straight on the plane back home.

Would you feel OK saying that you've been happy to try and help them, but you are at the point where it isn't financially sustainable for you. In 2 weeks time they have to start buying all their own food, as you can't provide everything any more. Also agree with pp thst they need a deadline to leave.

They are behaving like they are on an AI holiday!

Unfortunately you are just going to have to bite the bullet and set ground rules, which include getting a job and paying their way and not eating and drinking all your stuff…or they fuck off back home. And set a time frame. You have 21 days to get a job or you are going home. And in the meantime, stop eating and drinking all our stuff

You should have given them a time limit at the beginning and set some ground rules. The trouble is, if they've come from a country which sees the UK as rich, they probably think you are rolling in it and can afford to carry them for as long as it takes. You need to sit down and spell it out to them.

And stop buying treats and leaving them where your visitors can help themselves. Keep your chocolate in your room. Lay off the smoked salmon until they've gone, or perhaps even get a little fridge for your room and keep your special stuff there. Fill the cupboards with basic, budget stuff for them and only enough for meals, not endless treats.

OP I agree 10 weeks is ridiculous but realistically people can’t move from another country, settle in, get all the documents they need, look for and find a job etc in that time. This was never going to work.

You haven't set boundaries so how do they know they are going wrong? They clearly are feeling very welcomed but can’t use ESP to know how you are feeling.

I really struggle with people who complain but won’t or can’t have the necessary conversation and then it festers and gets this bad.

You must tell them they have to leave by a certain date. I mean they could present themselves as homeless to the council if things are really dire? But ultimately it's not your responsibility to house them indefinitely.

You say they have picked up some work, which is a good start. If you give them notice to leave they'll have to find more work or do more hours.

I’m ignoring anyone that says, “what about your children and husband.”

well yes Op, that is clear. Otherwise your children and husband wouldn’t be sharing their home (and their mother’s limited funds) with your CF lazy relatives

but you are informing them

hence being in this position

Time to move them on.

You’re would be wrong to tell them not to touch your nice stuff.

What you need to tell them is, this is not working for you and you cannot support additional people in the house. Tell them you are going into debt because of them and cannot afford that. End off.

They need to go.

If you say that they can stay providing they find jobs, you will remain their purse to dip into whenever they fancy. If they lose jobs, they will lean on you. They will continue eating and drinking your stuff.

After 10 weeks it’s clear they are takers and this is not going to work for you long term.

I hope the conversation goes well. You have been incredibly kind and accommodating and they have abused your hospitality. I agree that giving them a timeframe is the way to go. Honestly, if they aren’t capable of accepting that they’ve been shamelessly freeloading, there’s no hope for them.

You give people the opportunity to take the piss, as you have done, and most of the time they will. Do you realise the freeloaders are indirectly taking away money from you, your husband and your kids? Please have the ‘shape up or do one’ conversation with them asap.

I wish people would at least read the OP's posts. She is NOT IN THE UK, people! All the stuff about visa and NI numbers and the UK jobs market is not relevant.

What is relevant I believe is the idea, already mentioned, is that these are people coming to the UK/Europe from elsewhere (I don't think Romania as OP says that they have come "to Europe"). I have had experience of family from outside of Europe coming to visit when I lived in the UK (luckily they came just for holidays!) and just expecting that it was completely normal for us to pay for absolutely everything (even buying them Oyster cards, SIM cards etc etc).

Their mantra was "well, you are earning pounds". They never even thought to bring a bottle of wine or a bag of fruit into the house, I don't think it even crossed their minds. It made me very annoyed. I sucked it up because it was a week or two at a time and I knew they were leaving again. In your case OP, you can't carry on like this, you need to sit them down and talk to them, now.

Is it possible OP that they have different cultural ideas about "hospitality"?
Also is it llikely they do not realise that you are not in fact rich, just clever at budgeting and economical food?
You will know what they take for granted culturally and what is taking advantage in their eyes.
As you have been so generous i would not risk that reputation by being specific about the foods, but you could say that you are struggling to afford special stuff at present. Then go to Lidl or similar and get less special. Also suggest they need to be go and become independent, and give them a time limit when they need to have gone. Hope it goes well tomorrow.

Would people read the whole thread before replying or at least OP's posts? It's only 3 pages. She's confirmed that she's in another country in the EU and her relatives have EU passports so the visa situation is all above board.

I'm glad OP has realised she has to have a difficult conversation. (Although I do always hide the chocolate... my kids think any chocolate just sitting in the cupboard is fair game!)

How many of them are there and how old are they? Are they you nieces or nephews? What would the consequences be if you sent them home?

If the agreement was that they would find jobs and move out, you need to speak to them and tell them if they don't keep their side of the bargain they will need to return home immediately.

This? How have they managed to come here without permits for a job already secured?
Are they legally allowed to work in the UK op?

OP if you haven't already, I'd suggest spelling out to them about your costs of living, how much you have to pay in tax etc. If they are from a place where only very rich people have access to certain luxuries (tech, fashion etc) could it be that they have a distorted view of things - that they presume you're actually much more well off than you are, and that they also assume they should hold out for easy, well paying jobs?

A little different if they're from the EU, but having grown up with friends with relatives in West Africa and the Carribbean, it was clear that everyone assumed the relatives abroad were living like kings. They were always very very shocked at the cost of living (London) and the number of extra bills that they didn't necessarily have an equivalent of (council tax, cost of heating etc)

Are they entitled to come here and work? Do they have British citizenship?

Correct me if I'm wrong but I thought the OP indicated she is not in the UK and the CFers are from another country, probably the 'mother' country of her family. I suppose like someone whose heritage is Romanian but lives in Germany and now has Romanian relatives coming to Germany to try to better their lives. This could be a poor analogy, of course!

A conversation may be uncomfortable but it needs to happen. You can either lay down some terms now, or you ( or your husband) may snap and say something far worse when they've eaten all the smoked salmon and chocolate again.

I’m afraid they’re taking you for an absolute MUG! How many are they and can you send them home? I would. Sorry, no effort to hget a job, then they’re far too comfortable and think they are owed bigger and better than bar jobs etc. Do they have qualifications that would get them better?

And you have 3 dc at home? (Do yo7 have a huge house or are they sharing your dcs’ rooms?) They aren’t your dc, these relatives, you should not still be supporting them

@Siarli OP isn’t in the uk