Relatives living with us - no jobs

Suggest they return to their home country until they have a job and their own accommodation to come to. Give them a deadline of when they have to leave your home and hospitality.

Even if they found a job tomorrow it could still take them months to be able to afford to move out. They may not be able to rent easily without a guarantor. How long are you prepared to let them stay fit with a job? If they contribute to living expenses at yours that just makes it even harder to move out. I can’t understand how they have moved in without any savings behind them or any inclination to help themselves. They need a serious talking to once you have decided what you are willing to not willing to put up with. It looks like returning to their own country might be the best option.

This is a classic case of poor communication on your part. You have let it fester and allowed resentment to grow and you are still unable to use your words. It's fine to hope they would get it - but it wasnt today that this has erupted for you. You should have nipped this in the bud and guided expectations much earlier.

They are not mind readers.

Maybe they are over-whelmed and need help and direction?

Communicate calmly and assertively directly with your family members rather than resort to avoidance behaviours by venting your frustration at strangers on the internet. Does conflict scare you? Doesn't have to be confrontational - just calmly get your words out.

Are you comfortable saying - "you need to be in fulltime work by x date and buying all your own food and preparing your own meals by y date." Or whatever your boundaries, deadlines, expectations and consequences are. Are you clear what they are?

Just tell them you’ve had enough.

Tell them they have to leave. If they’ve not a found a job they want to take in 10 weeks they never will. They don’t want any job so they can start paying their own way and find a place to live. So they have to go. They need to book a flight straight away. This week. Not in another 2 weeks. Also tell them how disappointed you are in them snaffling all your nice things and not replacing them.

I am not buying fridge locks. I want my home to be my home run on rational and reasonable behaviour. Locking food away is not right.

So you’re essentially stamping your feet and crying “But I shouldn’t have to!! They should know!!!”

We shouldn’t have to lock our doors when we go out to make sure we don’t get burgled. I bet you still do. Sometimes you need to deal with how things are rather than how they should be.

@TwigletsAndRadishes the thread isn't even about 'this country', the OP is in Europe!
Regardless though, I'm not aware of any countries where you would get any support other than the most cursory of signposting, if you were there because you had a right to work but not as a citizen. Right to live and work = right to be self sustaining. Being able to claim any benefits is very different, in most places (including UK)

I think they’ve just got too comfortable not paying rent and there’s no urgency to work if they have access to everything they need

Very likely, yes, but what were the circumstances of them coming in the first place? Is it supposed to be a holiday or did they intend to move permanantly?

Because if they intend to be here for good you really do need that conversation, including - I'd suggest - a limit on how long they can expect to stay with you

But they may be Ukrainian.

Sadly you have become a substitute parent & they feel it is your duty to house & fund them.
They are exploiting you because you are a soft touch, if you want things to change you will have to get tough.

Time for a sit down
start with let’s get you working. Go to online and make applications w cvs. Work with them and suggest bar/cafe while waiting on others.

Gently raise sure of costs and write out plan for splitting the grocery bill (now or future) and taking turns with meal prep and chores.

For now, don’t buy your own extras and treats if you are going to resent them eating it, we have a regular visitor who literally clears out our cupboards and fridge. This visitor treats us like an all you can eat situation. We never have a leftover, he eats and eats. I prepare for his visits in advance and put away nice wine, drinks & special items. I have taped labels “Don’t drink” on items in fridge saying “this is wine we are saving for special occasion.”

He is a hearty eater, doesn’t like salads, or light food and it becomes an issue. I get him inexpensive stodgy sausage, mash and make myself salads. He rinses mugs, spoons plates, never uses washing up soap or our dishwasher. Somehow this results he’s “no trouble”

His idea of contributing is getting yellow sticker items of things I would never eat or prepare but need asap cooking as in sell by date (duck breasts, liver and reject “diet” ready meals for me though we don’t have a microwave. He assumes I’m on a diet because I don’t eat meat & potato every meal). He’s a friend of DP family, always in dire straits and same, looking for work.

Sometimes I just stay away so he has to make his own meals.

You need to make it work for you.

I don't know the rules but if I was them I'd ask at the very least. I am not trying to get into a debate about migrants.

But why would they be entitled to it? Just because they have a work visa doesn't mean they are entitled to be housed at the tax payer's expense and that the council are duty bound to find them somewhere to live. At least it definitely shouldn't do, although nothing surprises me about this country any more.

I would suggest giving them a copy of all of the employment agencies in your area and getting them to atleast try different jobs. If they still will not comply then they go home or they move to try their luck in a different city. You have done more than enough now OP.

I'm not debating the rights or wrongs if it. But if they're entitled to it then why shouldn't they? If they're not they'll be told so but guided towards other housing options.
Presumably they're allowed to work here and pay tax? I wasn't suggesting they should claim loads of benefits.

Suggest to your relatives that if they're not in work and paying their way, or whatever conditions you impose, by a date decided by you, that they then return to their home country as things where you are won't change so the current arrangement will need to end

But they obviously either dont know how it works or are blatantly taking the piss. Either way you need to sit them down and set strict boundaries. Tell them clearly what they are allowed to eat (cereal/porridge, ham sandwiches, pasta etc) and that you wont be providing alcohol. Give a deadline for when they need to have accepted a job, any job. Ask for weekly updates on what plans they have for their housing and set a date for when they need to be out.

Channel some of this feistiness and logic…. Towards your CF relatives rather than a mumsnetter!

Huh

so if you’re the breadwinner, that means you can move in and allow to squat CF family relatives for an unending period of time in your family home?

Oh FFS people, READ the OP before going on about permission to work etc.

EU citizens can work in any EU country, they DO NOT NEED PERMITS OR VISAS! That is totally beside the point.

Perhaps they genuinely don’t know “how it works”. If they are young and from another culture I do think you should have sat down with them and talked about what was expected of them before they came to stay with you.

if someone opened their house up to me and invited me to eat with them etc how am I to know that some of the food is out of bounds if they don’t tell me? If I have been told to make myself at home why should I eat ham if my preference is for salmon. Of course if someone then told me that they’d rather that I didn’t touch it I would be a massive CF if I then ate the whole lot! They might think that you are incredibly wealthy and don’t mind.

Don’t get too resentful. Assume that they have misunderstood and have a chat with them. Their response will tell you all you need to know about what your next move should be.

I don't think Romania as OP says that they have come "to Europe"

Yeh, my analogy wasn't a good one! So, maybe a country in Africa, Asia, South America.... conditions are tough back home and they have managed to secure an EU passport through a grandparental connection so can come stay with the OP in the EU country she lives in. OP is from the same country originally but has been in the EU for many years. Something like that?

I think the OP needs to give these visitors the heads up about the costs and responsibilities she has. They may be under the impression that she's so well off by comparison that everything is on the house and there's no rush to pay their way. Culture and unrealistic expectations at play here. Would they appreciate that smoked salmon, gin and fancy chocolate is treat stuff not everyday fayre?

Maybe people should read the thread - OP is not in uk