Page 3 | DP comment to his friend about sex worker, would alarm bells be ringing

Lauren887 · 2025-06-29T16:36:28+00:00

One of DP’s close friends is single currently and going through a bit of a tough time with the fall out from his last relationship, so we had him over for a couple of drinks last night. He said he misses elements of being in a relationship, companionship on a weekend etc. DP asked him in a serious tone whether he has considered getting some paid company. His friend laughed off the suggestion and DP said something along the lines of ‘it gets a bad reputation but avoid Eastern Europeans and stick to British girls and then you know you are finding someone like minded and who hasn’t been exploited’. I told DP to not be ridiculous and he said something about a lot of them being on Instagram and making a load of money so clearly they aren’t from a dodgy background and they are doing it with a happy heart. His friend to his credit was unmoved. I spoke to him about it when my friend left and he wasn’t joking - he was being deadly serious and doesn’t understand why I disapprove so strongly. Am I being a bit ridiculous or do you also find that repulsive?

LittleGreenDragons · 30/06/2025 22:39

but I’m minded to believe him that he hasn’t used them in the past.

Hahahahaha... oh wait. You are being serious? 😮

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 30/06/2025 22:30

So he laughd, said but everyone and then turned tables on you. End this relationship.

Original poster

Lauren887 · 30/06/2025 22:21

Well I brought the subject up tonight and he found it amusing that I would suspect him of using them in the past. He said he was stating the obvious that the ‘foreign girls’ are more likely to be exploited and it’s the ‘oldest profession in the world’ so any middle aged man would have a brief understanding of it. Then he started going on about me watching magic mike on a hen do once and it being double standards!

Not sure what to make of it to be honest, but I’m minded to believe him that he hasn’t used them in the past.

OP posts:

nutbrownhare15 · 30/06/2025 21:30

He probably thinks of himself as a really ethical user of sex workers by only choosing British ones and convincing himself that they are really happy to have sex with him. What a lovely caring guy he is.

AIAgent · 30/06/2025 21:30

A further conversation? Yes.

It goes something like “this isn’t working for me and we’re done.” I’m not sure which is worst, his past experience or current attitude.

Messycoo · 30/06/2025 21:26

I’m more alarmed, he’s doesn’t seem to think British girls aren’t exploited!!

SheSaidHummingbird · 30/06/2025 21:25

Lauren887 · 29/06/2025 18:36

I am definitely aware of the alarm bells - to the above question, we’ve been together about a year. We don’t live together, but when childcare duties allow (both have them from past relationships), he stays over here at the weekend.

There have been a couple of other comments he has made in recent weeks which I’ve pulled him up on, which coupled with this makes me wary to say the least. I think it will need a further conversation.

No further conversation is necessary. No need to hand back his key to your place, just change the locks.

Are you interested in his now-single friend by any chance? His rejection to the prostitute suggestion shows that he has more integrity than your now-ex.

lonelylou09 · 30/06/2025 21:24

Op I think sadly you are delusional if you think this isn't a current thing with him as well as something in his past. You said you don't live together and have only been together for a year. You have literally no idea what the hell he gets up to and with who when you're not together.
This should be setting off red flag central in your head right now.
Always listen to your gut and end this relationship now before it gets worse.
One of my exes I found out was messaging men for sex behind my back. I kinda had a gut feeling things weren't right from some information he had offered when drunk..ie he had previously been into swinging.
I ended things and got myself tested for everything.

DiscoBob · 30/06/2025 21:19

So he's saying up front he uses prostitutes? When was the last time?

I don't see how he'd know so much about which nationality of prossie is more morally superior?

Saying they're making loads of money? From who, him? How the fuck would he know how much random sex workers are making, unless he fancies himself as a pimp. Or he's a big time punter.

This would need a serious conversation. I mean it could be bullshit bravado to his mate, but he said all this in front of you?

I'm glad his pal thought it sounded ridiculous.

Shenmen · 30/06/2025 21:15

God, I would kick DH out the house forever if he said that. And that's with 25 years together. 🤢

NattyFox · 30/06/2025 21:02

Ok. I have heard that only fans is supposedly "ethical porn" as the women own all their own content and get the money when people subscribe. So maybe he was alluding to that sort of thing and genuinely believes there are women out there who aren't being exploited...

However I haven't heard of women selling themselves on Instagram, if dh mentioned this I'd want to see what he follows on instagram to be honest. And it is an incredibly dense suggestion to make after someone says they miss being in a relationship. I can understand why you're upset.

DontTouchRoach · 30/06/2025 20:58

Lauren887 · 29/06/2025 18:36

I am definitely aware of the alarm bells - to the above question, we’ve been together about a year. We don’t live together, but when childcare duties allow (both have them from past relationships), he stays over here at the weekend.

There have been a couple of other comments he has made in recent weeks which I’ve pulled him up on, which coupled with this makes me wary to say the least. I think it will need a further conversation.

The ‘further conversation’ should begin and end with you leaving him.

It’s not so much his views on sex work itself that would be a problem for me, more the fact that he clearly has experience in this area.

Horses7 · 30/06/2025 20:43

Yikes!!!! 🚩 🚩🚩🚩

reinforcementz · 30/06/2025 20:08

Lauren887 · 29/06/2025 18:44

We both got tested at the start of the relationship and all was fine. If there has been any usage on his part it will have been historic (and that’s a certain relationship ender)

Why would it necessarily have been historic?

Catsandcannedbeans · 30/06/2025 19:42

… Is his mate good looking? If he is I would ditch your DP and consider shacking up with him, then you can make the most of the bad situation.

Your DP believes you can buy consent and that would be enough for me to leave.

tripleginandtonic · 30/06/2025 19:32

Lauren887 · 29/06/2025 18:44

We both got tested at the start of the relationship and all was fine. If there has been any usage on his part it will have been historic (and that’s a certain relationship ender)

You're talking yourself into it OP. The red flag is flying high.

Eagle2025 · 30/06/2025 19:24

He sounds just a tad too knowledgeable on the subject. But regardless I couldn't be with someone who talked like that and thought it was acceptable.

Hopingtobeaparent · 30/06/2025 19:16

Sadly, I think now you’re a year in, OP, his true self is starting to show.

If you’re going to stay with him for now, pay very close attention!

PeapodMcgee · 29/06/2025 20:28

Yes, what conversation could he possibly have that would make his views acceptable? None. No conversation needed.

Spirallingdownwards · 29/06/2025 20:26

Lauren887 · 29/06/2025 18:36

I am definitely aware of the alarm bells - to the above question, we’ve been together about a year. We don’t live together, but when childcare duties allow (both have them from past relationships), he stays over here at the weekend.

There have been a couple of other comments he has made in recent weeks which I’ve pulled him up on, which coupled with this makes me wary to say the least. I think it will need a further conversation.

A conversation that starts and ends with "on yer bike!"

sussexman · 29/06/2025 20:23

Byebyechicken · 29/06/2025 20:03

I don't understand why your DP is of the opinion that British sex workers will be 'likeminded' and 'not exploited', whilst Eastern European sex workers are not likeminded and have been exploited?
Am I missing something?

Edited

He's both racist and sexist.

mrandmrsrobinson · 29/06/2025 20:22

Bin.

Seriously. If he can't see it

Byebyechicken · 29/06/2025 20:03

I don't understand why your DP is of the opinion that British sex workers will be 'likeminded' and 'not exploited', whilst Eastern European sex workers are not likeminded and have been exploited?
Am I missing something?

Endofyear · 29/06/2025 19:57

Do yourself a big favour and dump him now. Huge red flag 🚩

LittleGreenDragons · 29/06/2025 19:26

Lauren887 · 29/06/2025 18:36

I am definitely aware of the alarm bells - to the above question, we’ve been together about a year. We don’t live together, but when childcare duties allow (both have them from past relationships), he stays over here at the weekend.

There have been a couple of other comments he has made in recent weeks which I’ve pulled him up on, which coupled with this makes me wary to say the least. I think it will need a further conversation.

So he is showing more and more red flags that you've already "discussed" but you feel even more conversation is needed? I think you need to do The Freedom Programme yourself to find out why you think you can fix this relationship.

Dump him, it's only been a year.