DH buys loads of sweets

I don’t think the problem here is your OH buying all the sweets (but yes this should be less).

The problem is the very wrong view your are presenting to your children. I get you had an ED and that has skewed your view but if your kids are scared of getting fat this is dangerous, problematic and on you.

I’ve found myself reeling off the reasons to them for having sweets from rotten teeth, to chemicals from E numbers, to getting fat. Their little faces look so scared, like how can something that’s there, in the safety of the kitchen, that daddy buys, be so bad.

It sounds like you’re the one scaring them. Is anything even made with e numbers anymore?
Theres no issue with having a portion controlled treat once or twice a week.

There has to be a middle ground between you and your DH. You say you have an eating disorder, well you're in the way to your children developing one to.

The way you talk about sweet treats contains damaging language that tracks back to ED to be honest. You are teaching them to also struggle with food, to have guilt around things even in moderation. You're making them scared and you are making them distrust their father. You and your husband need to find a middle ground - i.e. sweets on a weekend only. But the way you are talking to them - and the fact you mention their rotten teeth and getting fat is just abusive. You are terrifying your children and it's patently wrong. Maybe your ED struggles are not as far in the past as you might like to believe - maybe you need to talk to someone about your absolutist attitude? I feel for your kids.

Your ‘lectures’ sound bad for the DC regarding food issues.

But DH’s habits don’t sound good either.

My mum had an eating disorder and passed it on to me and I’m still struggling with it 25 years later. Please, and I say this with kindness, stop passing your eating disorder on to your children. They will struggle with it their whole lives. No food is good or bad - it’s calories in vs calories out

I agree with PP, it sounds like you need a middle ground where sweets are not forbidden fruit but also not freely available.
When my DDs were younger we used to get sweets on the way home from school on a Friday, so a once a week treat. It worked quite well because they weren’t moaning for sweets every time we went to the shops because they knew Friday was sweetie day

The points above are reasonable, but I would also think that given your past struggle with an eating disorder, your husband could be a bit more understanding of why you worry and more supportive. Does he know about it? Most parents do at least try to moderate their children's sweets intake. Will he not do that at all? Is this 'fun dad' approach something that characterises all of his parenting, not just the food related moments?

YANBU op 6 large bags of sweets a week is excessive.

He's an adult and can buy whatever he wants.

Your language around sweets is really damaging - you need to stop.

My mum has an ED. She brought me up to believe sweets were irresistibly tempting but also evil, and therefore terrifying. Needless to say, I've struggled with food issues my whole life as well.

I wish I'd been brought up in a household where sweets were just there, not good not bad, rather than imbued with some magical qualities. People I know who are the most unconcerned by food seem to have grown up in houses like that.

“I’ve found myself reeling off the reasons to them for having sweets from rotten teeth, to chemicals from E numbers, to getting fat. Their little faces look so scared, like how can something that’s there, in the safety of the kitchen, that daddy buys, be so bad.”

stop with the guilt and demonisation! It’s totally necessary and frankly bonkers

yes sweets are a treat for occasional consumption - learning to have a few and not binge eat the lot is a food healthy habit to get into.

keep feeding them other healthier snacks but stop with the guilt inducing speeches - you are going to give them massive food issues / complexes unless you dial it down and you definitely need to start modelling a bit of what you fancy - but in moderation is ok.

Sweets should really be a treat I think. I was brought up in the 80's with a father than always had loads of sweets and fizzy drinks about and that can create an unhealthy relationship with food I think as well as being too strict. I think you and your husband need to come up with a unified approach to that kind of thing so as not to be giving your kids a mixed message. So say to your DH he can bring in sweets but only on a friday night for the weekend then during the week it is healthy snacks.

I allowed ‘sweetie day’ on a Wednesday where they each had 50p for sweets. They didn’t ask any other day. This was several decades ago.
You do both need to be following the same rules though.

I’ve found myself reeling off the reasons to them for having sweets from rotten teeth, to chemicals from E numbers, to getting fat. Their little faces look so scared, like how can something that’s there, in the safety of the kitchen, that daddy buys, be so bad.

You have to stop doing this right now.

I think there is a middle ground between you and your husband. It doesn’t have to be sweets every day, but two or three times a week is fine.

OP, I say this kindly. Please don’t make your children ‘scared about getting fat.’ The fact you’re admitting their faces look scared about food is worrying to the extreme.

Food is food. Yes, we have a problem with childhood obesity, yes, there is too much ultra processed food around, yes ideally sweets and so on would not be eaten daily.

BUT you need to think carefully (with your husband) about your joint approach. And scaring your children is not the right way, especially as you use the phrase ‘to sneakily buy’ in relation to how you’d buy this stuff. That’s disordered. Why sneak anything?

Your children deserve the healthy diet you provide with the freedom to have some sweet things as part of a normal, healthy, balanced diet (food has no moral value. It doesn’t need to be called a treat.)

I say all this as a parent of a 16 year old with severe anorexia, believe me, you don’t want this to be your children’s future.

Honestly? Your language around ‘sweets’ sounds quite problematic… sweets don’t specifically make you ‘fat’. It’s just calories in vs out… I can’t say I’d be buying large bags every week but I don’t think the mere presence of sweets in the house needs you to put the fear of god into your kids. How confusing must this all be for them?? Just buy sweets in moderation? Jesus