DH buys loads of sweets

I firmly stand by you and I think your husband is being absolutely unreasonable.
So: about 2 shopping trips a week, and on each occasion he buys 3-5 big packs of sweets?That’s really bad!
Some people here who say YABU, are so used to this amount of sweets that for them it’s the norm and don’t understand how bad all that sugar is for your teeth and body. Then they come and start a thread about not being able to lose weight and wanting to start injecting themselves with that Mounjaro shit! (Apologies to those who really need it for medical reasons) How thick is that?
Bad (or good) eating habits are established in childhood and it can be incredibly difficult later to even admit that the eating habits we learned from our parents are not exactly serving us.
Having the occasional treat is fine but that much sweets are just awful. You seriously have to sit down and have a conversation with your husband.

He's buying too much crap AND you're looking at it and talking about it wrong. It's not that "one parent needs to be sensible" but you both do.

At the moment they're getting the worst possible combination - living a house full of sweets, and hearing lots of doom-laden messages about how bad sweets are. You're not cancelling his shopping out with your talk, instead between you you're 100% setting them up to have their own terrible relationships with food.

The two of you need to talk this over properly and agree a genuine compromise - it's true you're being critical, but he's being stupid routinely buying that much sweet stuff. You need to agree an amount of sweets coming into the house that you're both happy with and once he sticks to the agreement you need to stop talking about them so negatively. If he won't stop buying them you'll have to come up with a different solution that works - throw them out every time, or lock them away so only he can eat them, let him know he can't just ignore you and do what he wants.

All the people I know whose sweet/treat intake was heavily restricted/controlled by a parent as a child has ended up with disordered eating as an adult.

Some sweets, or a chocolate bar a few times a week is fine.

All the people I know whose sweet/treat intake was heavily restricted/controlled by a parent as a child has ended up with disordered eating as an adult.

Some sweets, or a chocolate bar a few times a week is fine.

You don’t need to terrorise your DC or make them feel as though they have to pick a side. Simply ration the sweets and lock them away so they can’t be got at

I would be furious if my DH tried to be so controlling as to tell me when and how many sweets I could eat. You should make choices for yourself not your DH.

I think there are sweets and sweets.

Haribos are just disgusting and would never come into my house.

Something like cola cubes are fine, in moderation.

What’s unhealthy about not eating sweets?

Many posters eat this stuff but I wouldn’t have it in the house. I wasn’t brought up with it either. We had chocolate biscuits and sometimes made our own cakes but we never had sweets, choc or crisps in the house. Good eating habits start in childhood.

I'm all for healthy eating and feeding children real whole foods BUT your language around junk food is quite concerning given the fact you've had an eating disorder in the past. Please do not carry on this way with your children, they should not be afraid of getting fat. It's harmful.

Of course junk food should be limited to a weekly/monthly treat but should not be demonised to this extent. It is not healthy. All it will do is push your children to rebel and eat more when they are older.

Decant some of the sweets into a zippy bag per child. That lasts the week.Bin the rest, unopened if necessary.

Please don't make your kids "scared" of sweets. That said your husband needs to reign it in a bit so they can have a healthy relationship with food.

Absolutely agree.
And it's not cleaning teeth and is a ' danger' to rotten teeth
Honestly op you sound like an idiot

How old are these children with frightened little faces

and how many children is there ?

maybe 2x per week) he buys about 3-5 big packets of things like skittles, haribo, starburst ando Cadbury 100g bars

This is quite a lot imo.... although we always have some sort of sweets or chocolate in the house and I buy stuff most weeks. It's not always eaten, it often just sits in cupboards. However, I also think your statement...

a little something sneakily bought every few months

Is problematic....why sneakily bought? Why do you need to be sneaky about it?

6-10 family size bags of sweets/bars of chocolate a week is too many (although you don't say how many kids you have...if you've got twenty kids then that's maybe reasonable).

Your response is way over the top though and clearly influenced by a problematic relationship with food. Words like 'sneakily bought' are very troubling.

Reach a compromise with DH. A few sweets, a few times a week or a bigger treat on a Friday night for example is fine. As with most parenting disputes the solution is compromise. If compromise can't be found then you have bigger problems than how much Haribo your kids eat.

Both of your approaches are unhealthy. Together, they must be incredibly confusing. You need to come up with a middle ground together that allows for some "treats" but not all the time.

The way you talk about your children getting fat is utterly disgusting.

You scaring them is going to give them an eating disorder - just like you had.

If you are genuinely concerned about what your children are eating then send them to a nutritionist.

Carry on "Lecturing" your DC and in time they will not hear you. You will be white noise. They will likely stash sweets and eat in secret.
And this will be caused by your own anxiety.
You lost me at "Their scared little faces" or words to that effect.

I don’t think it’s abnormal to buy sweets in the weekly shop - I buy a multipack of chocolate bars or a bag of sweets everytime I’m in a supermarket and my children see sweets in cupboards or just lying around. They eat three reasonably nutritious and filling meals a day, if they want a funsize mars bar or a handful of haribo they can have it. It’s just food - I don’t use it as a reward, I don’t suggest it to “cheer them up” and I don’t lecture them on the health impacts of a few maltesers. Sometimes they fancy it, sometimes they don’t. They are a healthy weight and have decent teeth and they don’t pester me for sugar or go nuts at parties.

Hiding food, calling it “treats” and giving lectures on its evils is just setting them up for a really unhealthy relationship with food. You are absolutely not the parent who should be leading on your children’s diets, at least not without professional support.

Can’t help but wonder if your dh buying so many sweets is a (clumsy) attempt to put balance into food in your household?

if you are giving the lectures you mentioned up thread - it is obviously a big issue to you. Is there anything else that you do because of your ED that he might be trying to ‘counteract’ to try to make food fun and not as intense as it obviously is for you. Is he trying to take the emphasis off everything has to be nutritional and healthy?

I think you really need to seek some help re your eating disorder - especially around managing it in front of your children and to learn how to talk about food in a more balanced and nuanced manner so you don’t push them towards an ED too.

You’re absolutely right OP and this is why we, as a country are in the state that we are with obesity.

Your Husbands sweet stash is excessive and far too much and it’s such a bad example to the DC - we are so conditioned now in this country that to eat this way is the norm, or everything in moderation when actually no, moderation is the odd small bag once a week, not the quantity that your Oh is buying.

Its an excessive amount of sweets to buy every week, I agree with you. They're not something you should have every day; its not a normal way to eat. I would be pissed if DP kept bringing all that home.

I don't have sweets in the house - literally can't remember a time I've ever bought a big bag of sweets. DD has some sweets if she's at a birthday party or at christmas but thats about it, and I don't apologise for that. She's got good teeth. She has a few ice creams over summer. There's often a cake in the house. But her snacks are cheese and crackers, peanut butter sandwich, bananas, carrot sticks dipped in cream cheese etc. Stuff that gives her the right kind of energy, not sugar highs.

At the moment you're both operating on very opposite / extreme ends of the spectrum on sweets. There's middle ground to be found but it needs discussion.

You're both too extreme IMO.

I don't think anybody needs to eat 3-5 big bags of haribo and 100g chocolate bars 2x a week, but once every few months is also bizarre and your efforts to scare the kids away from sweets are dysfunctional.

A small amount of sweets/chocolate a couple of times a week is probably more typical. Plus more on special occasions e.g. Christmas, birthdays, birthday party, Easter etc.

Yes, 6 to 10 large bags of sweets and 4 big bars of chocolate a week is a lot. Is he eating most of this himself? Blimey, he needs to think about his teeth!