To think no one is that busy

There is no contract, correct. However it’s called being a nice person and doing the right thing.
There is also a theory of 2 wrongs doesn’t make a right if that’s what you are getting at.

I have a song for him ...

'We're busy doin' nothin'
Workin' the whole day through
Tryin' to find lots of things not to do.'

Agreed. It is ageism pure and simple. I've seen it time and again on this forum. The disdain with which children speak about their ageing parents is incredible. Makes you wonder about the assisted dying bill actually.

@Maddy70 nits in the op. An hour away.

It usually falls to the daughters. My brother gets allowances made for him that’s for sure!

You haven't said how far away he lives ? He keeps in touch.
If he has his own family he is prioritising that particularly as his first marriage broke up. Maybe he can't cope with aging parents on top of his poor mental health

Well, so am I.

But then my grandparents survived into their nineties and lived overseas - my parents would ring once a week at the very most. If anything happened, then they'd be contacted anyway.

My parents would honestly think I'd lost the plot if I was calling them that often - they'd tell me to leave them alone and get on with my own life 😂

This is exactly the same for me. Brother lives 40 mins away. I live 5 mins walk away from DM. He visits once a yr at xmas. Never calls DM..never answers her calls to him.says hes busy. Just him n his partner and they are always out drinking.
DM (86) relys on me for so much despite me having 3Dc. 6Gdc and a full time job. I love my mam n do a lot for her but she still considers him the golden child!! Grrrr! It makes me mad..

I am so sorry but mine was fairly useless too.

Pretty much.

in the meantime, his young child is growing up without knowing his or her grandparents…

That's fair enough, you reap what you sow.

Is he very overwhelmed with daily life?
Put him on the spot. Tell him he should visit more as your parents aren’t as healthy as they used to be and it would be nice to have a family get together, how about next weekend or the weekend after? Which one suits him?

Not necessarily. My elderly mother is bottom of my list of priorities. She was emotional cruel when I was growing up and always put her own needs and wants ahead of what might have been best for me as a child. She had decades to build a good relationship with me,
because I tried until I was in my 30’s. She doesn’t now get to have me run to be by her side just because she’s old or needs more support.

Definitely seems to be a thing with male adult children!
Last week I had to phone DWP for my mum (me and my brother have an LPA in place) the very,very nice lady said "if your brother is anything like mine it will be you we're talking to going forward as your brother will be too busy!"

It was said in a light hearted way but I thought at the time ......never a truer word spoken in jest🙁

I guess I’m talking about those who have parents of a much more advanced age, the sort of age where they’re on that cusp where they’re more likely to have falls and you know there’s no one else around to check on them.

Quite. Should people not do anything if their adult child had an accident and needed some help for a while? What about if their sibling or best friend needed some support? I take it those who don't agree with doing much for their elderly parents would also never do anything for anyone else they know either? There's no difference. It borders on ageism.

Visits once a year and lives an hour away… that is shocking! You are not being unreasonable.

I agree. Apparently nobody should lift a finger for their elderly parents, even if they've helped pay for the house your living in or enabled you to work with free childcare. You get old or ill then that's your problem.

Sure, that's up to them.

No, she's trapped by her own choices.

I’m guessing you already know you are right about him and you’re here for moral support more than anything else. I have friends with siblings like this and I see what it does to them so you have my sympathy xx

Really? My parents would think I had nothing better to do if I was calling to "check in" every other day 😂

Also this. If she's overly worried that can be suffocating.

Put down some boundaries of your own, and the resentment will likely lessen.

Pretty much ☹️

Where is there a contract foer children to care for you in old age? We don't know the relationship this man has with the parents. Caring is very hard for anyone and the man has a fulltime job and a toddler. The child he has is his priority and needs him. I understand the OP feels stressed and it is falling on her. Honestly, the parents need a care assessment and care plan. The mother's mobility is very limited and obviously they need more care and the OP nor brother can become their fulltime carer. The OP needs to talk to her parents and the brother together to get a care assessment and have daily carers in or maybe they both need to go in a care home. I say this as someone who cared for my mother and my sibling worked and had 3 children under 10 at the time. Something needs to be done as clearly the parents are in need of help qnd the OP is going to have to be firm with her parents about it.