Is it just a societal norm? (Breastfeeding related)

its not just that you can’t say anything positive about it - its that you cannot even disagree with statements like “bf past 6
months is unnecessary” or “BF past a year is for the mother not the child” without being told that you shouldn’t care, that it’s shaming and smug to talk about breastfeeding, that there’s no need to think you’re a better mother just because etc etc.

i am not smug or think I’m better but I am allowed to say that I believe that statements like “babies should only be bf until 6 months” are nonsense and harmful!

Are you saying you think most women can’t bf? Or am I misunderstanding you?

No, sorry, I wasn't clear. I think many women (not all obvs) who bottle feed have tried and failed to breast feed. In the 90s you were totally made to feel like crap by the nurses and midwives and HV to boot if you didn't. I didn't breast feed any of mine but I'm pro bf if it's possible. I would've if I could've.

But what does it matter? How you personally chose to feed your kid doesn’t invoke any reaction in me at all. I wouldn’t be at all disappointed if one day we wake up and not one single mother in the UK is breastfeeding. Or vice versa. How any other mother in the world chooses to breastfeed has absolutely nothing to do with you and you shouldn’t feel disappointed, joyful, or any other emotion when thinking about how someone else chooses to feed. It’s entirely irrelevant to your life! I combi-fed mine, it had zero bearing on how my friend fed hers. Infact, I don’t know how she did because we never spoke about it.

The reason deciduous teeth fall out at 6/7 is because jaw size is large enough for adult teeth. Just because they are colloquially known as milk teeth doesn’t mean there must be a link with weaning off breast milk.

its highly unlikely our ancestors had 6/7 year gaps between children and since tandem feeding doesn’t seem to occur in any mammals in the wild it seems unlikely the natural weaning age was ever so late.

Are you saying you think most women can’t bf? Or am I misunderstanding you?

I absolutely agree that nobody should be made to feel shit about how they feed their babies. The trouble is, on Mumsnet you can’t say anything positive about bf without being told that you mustn’t because it will make other people feel shit. So it’s difficult to offer or seek advice.

Luckily in the uk we have feeding options for healthy babies.

I breastfed until almost 3. DD has never had cows milk and she’s 17.

I breastfed until 22 months and agree that there's a weird taboo about it in this country. I did feel like I almost had to justify BFing after a year, it was only mornings, naps and nights past 1 so it's not even if I did it in public really.

Mumsnet does also seem weirdly against breastfeeding which I find ironic, and I largely suspect the Venn diagram of anti trans posters (claiming to be so for womens rights) and anti extended breastfeeding posters, is a circle... 🤭

Maybe its just a bit of an overall older, middle class, conservative vibe here.

I just find it so disappointing that Mumsnet and Mumsnetters are not more pro breastfeeding. I mean, even the bloody logo has a bottle in it!

I think most people are pro breastfeeding but for one reason or another are unable to breastfeed their babies. I couldn't do it and not for want of trying the first time. I'm not going to beat myself up about it, nor make other people feel shit about it either.

Humans evolved as follows:

Mother and baby together 24/7
Family together 24/7 - providing protection and support for nursing mothers
Young humans to breastfeed until at least 6-7 years (when ‘milk teeth’ fall out)
Families to remain together in tribes, each member having their own role in supporting the tribe, for all their benefit. Hunting and gathering are the main means of providing food.

Jump forward in time. Agriculture is invented. Suddenly other food stuffs are available and some can be given to babies. None of them are a match for breast milk, but they’ll do. Crucially, feeding breast milk substitutes to babies allows women to contribute to the huge demand for labour that is needed to prepare, plant, nurture, harvest, process and store food crops. Ok, so none of the substitutes are as good but overall caloric intake has increased. Yes, children probably get sick and die more often, or just don’t thrive - but at a population level agriculture pushes up reproductive rates.

Its cows milk because they are the domesticated animal that produces the most milk - you don’t see horses or pigs being milked at commercial levels. Goats, a little bit. But cows - and the animals they have been bred from over the years - were by far the best candidate to produce a breast milk substitute.

And the rest, as they say, is history. The economic benefits of breaking the mother / child breastfeeding dyad are too high for society to not exploit . Now we put women out to work so that they can pay for all the things that replace them, it’s better for the economy that way.

These people lack education. They're just stupid, it's as simple as that.

I worked full time until very recently and whenever I was with her during the day she would still feed frequently. She still does 3 full days without me now and she feeds immediately when I get home and throughout the day on the other days.

I went back to work full time when my first was 6 months old and still bf him until age 2. He was still feeding during the day at 18 months.

At 20 months, my toddlers were feeding about 3 times a day... First thing in the morning, last thing before bed, and sometimes one other time in the evening. Work didn't interfere with this at all.

Toddlers adjust, and so does milk supply. I had to go back to work at 6 months because we didn't get 39 weeks mat leave back then, initially I expressed twice a day but by 9 months my DC were happy to drink whatever during the day and equally happy to be bf morning, night and when they wanted at weekends. It was fine.

@ToasterFuckUP referred to feeding throughout the day not just first and last thing

Toddlers adjust I was back at work ft from 11 month mark both times. They just had a big feed in the morning and immediately when picked up then again before bath they would drink water at nursery (both completely refused milk).

What a load of rubbish! Bones are replenished more actively the longer you breastfeed so mums who breastfeed for longer actually have a reduced risk of osteoporosis after menopause. Nature wouldn't make it detrimental to the mothers health to breastfeed past 6 months when the norm for humans is 2 yrs to 7 yrs. It's just unusual in our WEIRD* society

The acronym WEIRD stands for Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, and Democratic

I fed my baby pumped breastmilk until he was 11 months old (he could never latch despite a lot of help and is allergic to cows milk). The mental and physical sacrifice was huge. I didn’t realise the negative impact it was having on my mental health until I stopped. I’m only just six months later recovering from the physical affects of the hormones. I wish I had been able to stop sooner.

There is an absolutely massive amount of pressure on moms to breastfeed even if its making them completely miserable. So, little wonder that a lot of women want to stop as soon as it is socially acceptable i.e 6/12/18 months, depending on your social circle.

Most can’t feed a 20 month old throughout the day as they are back at work- so probably quite unusual?

Ha yep if a toddler doesn't want a bf they are bloody obvious about it!
I bf past the 1 year mark twice (DS1 22 months, DS2 28 months) it definitely wasn't for anything for me they just were adamant.
I didn't see the need to add upset to it and let them naturally wean which they did, no tears etc.

I had 2 raised eyebrows from friends but they don't have kids so I just shrugged it off as they had little understanding of toddlers. Most others weren't bothered in the slightest.

Breastfed my 1st just past 2 years, and my 2nd is just over a year old and I intend on breastfeeding to 2 years too. I personally don't give a flying fuck who finds it weird to breastfeed past what age. I don't easily feel embarrassed, and if people give me sideways look, I maintain eye contact with them until they stop looking. I am just so sick and tired of yet another stick to beat women with, I will fight for this right the breastfeed for however long we want without shame. I do not care if it makes so and so feel weird, tbh. That's their issue to talk to their therapist about.

I think part of it is because we don’t see it. People aren’t used to seeing anyone breastfeed children over 1.

I fed my first until age 2, and stopped when I was 20 weeks pregnant with my second, my 2nd is still feeding throughout the day at 20 months.

People generally don’t know what it looks like to feed a toddler who moves and has opinions about which boob they have or is able to ask for milk or is comforted by it when they’re upset. So I’m not too surprised it makes them uncomfortable. Yet many toddlers use a dummy and nobody bats an eye.

If more people did it we would be more used to it. In other counties breastfeeding is normalised much more. It’s a self fulfilling cycle.

I’ve found it really strange how in a community where families practice attachment parenting in other ways I only really know one other person irl who has breastfed after 18 months and she’s European.

The dairy industry has a great deal to answer for.

People who say this are simple minded at best, a bit perverse at worst. It’s just a silly, vicious way to try and shame women. Anyone who has ever fed a 15m old will laugh at the very idea of it being for mum. By that stage, it’s absolutely all about the child.

I agree with you completely but you asked why a particular opinion on here annoyed me so I explained. You didn't have to tell me anything about how you did things with your children, I wasn't judging anyone.