Asking a child’s mother to pay for replacement pastry?!

How do you know she was being entitled? The op shrieked loudly and the woman may have been trying to brush it off because she was embarrassed at the scene! None of us were there and we only have the OPs side!

But would you have come out with the stupid 'kids will be kids' comment? That's what would have really pissed me off. Take responsibility for your kid's bad behaviour!

Gross, I wouldn't eat a saliva pastry. It would go in the bin.

Well done OP! Why should you or the coffee shop have to pay for her poor parenting and entitlement.

exactly this! We only have the OPs side. The fact that people are trying to justify her harsh public criticism is honestly frightening to me. Yes the child was in the wrong for touching the food, but she is also a child, who doesn’t know any better really (I gather from the post she is quite young). We also don’t know anything about her, my five year old has no sense of danger, etc! And would
probably have done similar so to have my parenting publicly criticised to the point where cafe staff had to get involved is really humiliating to me and I rightfully have called out the OP on this!!

Okay, maybe a better description is what some others see as confrontational behaviour, you see as fine.

PP: You don’t think it’s confrontational to accuse random women you encounter of poor parenting?

MerryTiger: She didn’t just wander up to a stranger and start shouting, did she?

You went on to say it was ‘entirely reasonable’ of OP to point out the child’s behaviour and ‘demand’ it be sorted.
You were quite rude about people being more ‘passive/polite’.

Why should the coffee shop lose out because someone doesn't keep an eye on their kid?

Nope. Yes kids will be kids and that’s why the mum should have paid. You were right to stand your ground.

But… you were wrong to say her kids touching your food was because of her poor parenting. Agains kids do these things at young ages. So although you were right to insist she paid you are also lucky she didn’t switch when you called her a bad mum.

'Here is your replacement pastry you utter cunt' would have been worth the £2.80.

I wouldn't eat a pastry that my own small child had grabbed - they put their fingers EVERYWHERE.

Shrieking because a small child touched your pastry is pearl-clutchingly precious and dramatic. In that situation I would have offered to have bought a replacement pastry, but I don’t think there’s any need to bring her parenting into it. She was probably being blase ‘kids will be kids’ in response to your shrieking overreaction.

You were being reasonable up to the point you decided who should pay.
that mum was most likely doing her best.
if you were getting a replacement, it shouldn’t matter who it came from, the coffee shop let kids in, they need to take some responsibility.

Edited to ask- if you watched all this, why not lift your tray up. So child couldn’t get it.

It's not really the point though is it. Yes the chances are the Op would probably have Been fine eating the pastry
But if I'm going to treat myself to a pastry I don't want someone else's child's grubby little fingers all over it ,you might be fine with that but most ( outside of the munsnet bubble) wouldn't be.

But she did pay for it!

How do you manage to be so simultaneously passive and entitled? If I’d read the room as you’ve described, I’d be keeping my tray secure.

You said the behaviour described was confrontational, not polite behaviour (you described staying quiet as polite)

Where did I say this?

Stretching a bit here to make excuses for this mother, aren't we? Even if it had been a rough day, would that have prevented her from apologising and paying for it? If it had been a bad day, I'd be inclined to go home. Not to a cafe where there's more opportunity for a child to run amok.

@Dominoeffecter

if there was spit aka gob on the child’s hands and she then immediately touched OP’s pastry then yes there is gob on her pastry

@CreteBound

the risks might be small but I don’t wanna take any risks. Glandular fever has been linked to MS, the Epstein Barr virus etc. the mother just needs to put her hand in her pocket and buy Op a new pastry - end of.

I don’t know! I wasn’t there! Regardless of whether it was or it wasn’t, to be publicly called out on your parenting is actually
humiliating, it obviously caused a scene because staff had to get involved!
I absolutely would have replaced the pastry by the way but I would not have appreciated the rudeness of the op calling my parenting poor!

No one gobbed on her pastry, you’re just being dramatic.

@Dominoeffecter

spit is spit at the end of the day.

@CreteBound

You do realise how glandular fever is passed on don’t you? Why take any risks?

Okay.

You said the behaviour described was confrontational, not polite behaviour (you described staying quiet as polite), but that it was okay and warranted in the circumstances. And that people shouldn’t say nothing in this sort of instance. All fine.

I was just pointing out that OP does think her behaviour polite, so you’re not exactly representing her position.

Obviously not anywhere close to societal breakdown, but it does seem to me that her judgement is a bit off.

And, yes, you can insist politely, but it generally doesn’t involve shrieking and accusations of poor parenting!

Yeah because that’s the same 🙄