Asking a child’s mother to pay for replacement pastry?!

I’ve read it. 🤣 Your initial comment was irrelevant to what they’d said. You doubled down rather than admit that (or just stop), embarrassed yourself and now suddenly ‘can’t be bothered’ when there’s literally no response you could give that wouldn’t make you sound even more ridiculous.

@HeatingFiddler Did the staff member offer you another one when you explained the situation? It’s just with you saying “I don’t want one from you. She should pay for one.”

YANBU OP. I won’t even eat food my own children have possibly slobbered on, let alone someone else’s child 🤮.

You're right. It doesn't.

Obviously, I said, ‘kids will not just be kids. It’s unhygienic and poor /parenting and I would like for you to buy me a replacement.’

Did you say that? "I would like for you" is ungrammatical and anyone banging on about "poor hygiene" in a situation like this would get my back up. You didn't need to say it's poor parenting. You are reasonable to expect the pastry is replaced but you could have dealt without being pompous.

Sorry, I really can’t be bothered anymore😁
Have a read back maybe 😉

It’s not grammatically perfect, but its import is pretty clear. Which is how people speak, in my experience. Some (now deleted) posters appeared to believe it was unbelievably articulate.

In what way?

In this case, I’m only defending the other mum because the OP was rude! Do I think the mum should have replaced the pastry? I absolutely do and she did (it doesn’t matter what it took to get there). However to publicly and loudly criticise someone’s parenting is wrong, and humiliating!! Hence why I’m calling the OP out on it. If I were the OP I would have been miles more discrete!

Did the child's mother at any point tell her child off for touching the pastry?

A 5/6yo should know that you don't touch other people's food. My kids knew at that age not to touch my food, never mind a perfect strangers!

I ran a cake stall for the school fayre yesterday. Cakes on the stall were there, in front of me, in full view and able to be touched/picked up by anyone. The stall ran for three hours and there were probably hundreds of families, probably the entire primary school including their younger brothers and sisters, Nans etc, I was never without a queue. All different kinds of people.

Not one child, including the toddlers, got away with touching the cakes without buying them. Most just didn't, because they knew better. A few toddlers tried to but were very quickly intercepted by their parents, one or two did manage to touch the cakes but their parents then immediately purchased said cake with a "you have to have that one now you've touched it"

Conclusion: everyone knows you don't let your child do this.

Was this kid told off?! or were they just rewarded with the pastry they got to eat?

I think you did the right thing OP
Well done!

Exactly!

Excellent. So, given what I actually said, can you explain how this Shrieking and then insisting on a replacement pastry, while fine and probably justified, is not usually the type of behaviour described as ‘polite’ though (OP described her interaction with the mother as such). was relevant at all?

As whether or not OP’s behaviour could be described as polite (by her or others) had nothing whatsoever to do with what I said.

I voted YABU only because there was no need to be rude to the mother, despite her being dismissive. Next time, focus on you, not her parenting - I can't eat this now your child has touched it, so I expect you to replace it.

It never fails to surprise me how people will jump on an op and defend the other person. I highly doubt anyone would eat something a random child have put their dirty, licked fingers on. Yes stomach acid kills germs but saliva does pass illness on, why do you think illness spreads so quickly in settings such as nurseries and eyfs etc

The parent wasn't parenting as the child was all over the place and disturbing others and touching their food. Just grim

YANBU. I wouldn't necessarily be upset with the mum; in this case it sounds like the child had been misbehaving for a while but if she'd just suddenly grabbed the pastry with no warning, the result would've been the same. But the mum should offer to replace the pastry without being asked, and should make it clear to the child that grabbing a stranger's food is not OK and has negative consequences so it (ideally) doesn't happen again (too many times).

OK, but if she wasn't going to put it right without being prompted then she deserved to be embarrassed.

If you are so confident that random dirty hands, that have been in mouths just before touching food is such little risk, why do we even bother having food hygiene standards such as washing hands before food prep?

if stomach acid is so evolved at killing germs, who do we have contagious illnesses such as norovirus?

I'm not really a germ phobe and risk assess things myself but I wouldn't want to eat food that had been touched by someone who had not washed their hands and also I'd just seen them putting their hands in their mouth.

YABU. I understand why you thought you should get a new pastry (though I think shrieking was an overreaction), but I don't understand why it had anything to do with you who paid for it. That was a matter for the cafe owners and the child's mother and nothing to do with you.

Not taking sides here but this "articulate" statement made by the OP does not actually make any sense

The ‘kids will be kids’ excuse is very popular with parents who CBA to control their PITA children.

First of all it wasn’t gobbed, it was touched!
Secondly, it’s not really about me, I would definitely have put it right but it still doesn’t justify the OP causing a scene! Her reaction straight away was highly embarrassing for the mother.

So would I, and have said so!

So if a member of staff had dropped it on the floor, but then still served it to you, you'd happily eat it and not expect a replacement?