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Asking a child’s mother to pay for replacement pastry?!

336 replies

HeatingFiddler · 29/06/2025 08:03

Yesterday at my local coffee shop/bakery I had my pastry on a tray on the counter and was waiting for my coffee. In front of me was a mum with two kids.

One of the kids was fairly young and kept touching everything including glass cabinets, tables, chairs, the self-serve cutlery. She also kept putting her fingers in her mouth and hair. As kids do.

Anyway. She suddenly grabbed my pastry! I shrieked (probably an over reaction, but god the child has literally just shove her fingers in her mouth moments before). Kids mum turned around and asked what the problem was. I said that her child had just touched my pastry, after putting her fingers in her mouth.
And she said, ‘oh. Kids will be kids. I’m sure it’s fine.’

Obviously, I said, ‘kids will not just be kids. It’s unhygienic and poor /parenting and I would like for you to buy me a replacement.’

She said ‘if it’s that big of an issue I’m sure you can ask the staff for a new one.’

At this point a member of staff arrived. I explained the situation and said, ‘I don’t think a replacement should come from you. This happened because the child was not being supervised. The child’s mother should pay.’

Anyway, in the end the child’s mother agreed to pay and she took the one her child had touched and they ate it and then left.

Was I being unreasonable to say the mother should pay and to refuse to eat the pastry after that? I genuinely don’t think The coffee shop should have had to front a replacement either - it wasn’t their error!

OP posts:
DirtyBird · 29/06/2025 16:57

I would’ve bought you a dozen pastries without hesitation as I would have been mortified if my DD did such a thing.

DrowningInSyrup · 29/06/2025 16:35

funinthesun19 · 29/06/2025 16:32

I agree with you.
I remember when a little boy had a sip of my drink at the park. Some people on here would be in a flap about that, too. The last thing I was going to do was publicly shame the mum. Was I happy about having to bin my drink? No. Was it necessary to tell her off in front of loads of people and shame her in front of her child because he had a sneaky drink? No.

Agree and agree.

DrowningInSyrup · 29/06/2025 16:34

Oh FGS young kid touches pastry and you tell her mother that she's a poor parent, then say the same to the staff. Total over reaction and very unpleasant.

funinthesun19 · 29/06/2025 16:32

Supergirl1958 · 29/06/2025 16:19

Sorry yes, got distracted because my posts are also green.

Regardless, I still think it’s absolutely humiliating to call someone out in the public way that you did and I will stick by this continuously! Whilst I don’t think that you were wrong to ask her to pay for the replacement pastry, your public behaviour was abysmal IMO!

I agree with you.
I remember when a little boy had a sip of my drink at the park. Some people on here would be in a flap about that, too. The last thing I was going to do was publicly shame the mum. Was I happy about having to bin my drink? No. Was it necessary to tell her off in front of loads of people and shame her in front of her child because he had a sneaky drink? No.

Supergirl1958 · 29/06/2025 16:19

HeatingFiddler · 29/06/2025 16:16

Yes...because I am the OP?

Are you okay?

Sorry yes, got distracted because my posts are also green.

Regardless, I still think it’s absolutely humiliating to call someone out in the public way that you did and I will stick by this continuously! Whilst I don’t think that you were wrong to ask her to pay for the replacement pastry, your public behaviour was abysmal IMO!

HeatingFiddler · 29/06/2025 16:16

Supergirl1958 · 29/06/2025 16:12

Were you there?

Yes...because I am the OP?

Are you okay?

OP posts:
Supergirl1958 · 29/06/2025 16:13

susanandlucypevensie · 29/06/2025 16:10

Yeah, she brought it on herself

Of course she did! Absolutely the aim of her day was to be publicly humiliated by the OP who only gives us her word for it and expects us to believe a one sided argument!

SamphiretheTervosaur · 29/06/2025 16:13

CreteBound · 29/06/2025 08:16

Child was being a brat but what did you think would happen to you if you ate the pastry?

If it were me eating it there's a good chance it would encourage my CFS kick in

I possibly would have been a bit less restrained with the mother, even knowing kids will be kids!

Supergirl1958 · 29/06/2025 16:12

HeatingFiddler · 29/06/2025 16:08

Perhaps because she was not parenting?

Were you there?

susanandlucypevensie · 29/06/2025 16:10

Supergirl1958 · 29/06/2025 15:25

The woman had her parenting called out in public, that’s absolutely humiliating!

Yeah, she brought it on herself

HeatingFiddler · 29/06/2025 16:08

Supergirl1958 · 29/06/2025 15:25

The woman had her parenting called out in public, that’s absolutely humiliating!

Perhaps because she was not parenting?

OP posts:
Cabinetbat23 · 29/06/2025 15:50

Hufflemuff · 29/06/2025 08:37

If you'd have told me I was exhibiting poor parenting, you'd be purchasing your own replacement and I probably would have told you where to stick it. That's just plain rude.

However, without that accusation I would have purchased you a new pastry and apologised as soon as it happened.

Yeah agreed. Sure the parent should pay but the attitude on you makes you sound like a dick. Oh and the shrieking is weird.

(If this happened which I doubt)

Supergirl1958 · 29/06/2025 15:47

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 29/06/2025 15:33

I definitely did not. Read back and you'll see it was EverythingElseIsTaken 🙄

My apologies. Though I resent the eye roll.

GloMum · 29/06/2025 15:36

YANBU. I would have offered to buy you a replacement if any of my children did that, without you having to prompt me.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 29/06/2025 15:33

Supergirl1958 · 29/06/2025 15:26

You literally said ‘stop blowing it out of proportion’ definitely did!

I definitely did not. Read back and you'll see it was EverythingElseIsTaken 🙄

Supergirl1958 · 29/06/2025 15:26

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 29/06/2025 14:39

I didn't have a go at you for blowing it out of proportion!

You literally said ‘stop blowing it out of proportion’ definitely did!

Supergirl1958 · 29/06/2025 15:25

Ewock · 29/06/2025 14:42

Humiliating. Wow now that is dramatic

The woman had her parenting called out in public, that’s absolutely humiliating!

LEWWW · 29/06/2025 15:24

The mother was too engrossed in her phone, let her child run amok a cafe which lead to them touching someone else’s pastry, she then dismissed OP with ‘kids will be kids’ and after paying for the replacement went back to staring at her phone instead of paying any attention to the kid - that is poor parenting.

alsohappenedoverhere · 29/06/2025 14:52

Why weren’t you supervising your pastry

WickWood · 29/06/2025 14:51

If it happened to me and my pastry I'd have just eaten it, it wouldn't have massively bothered me personally but I can why it would have bothered others! If it was my child I'd have immediately apologised and purchased a new one. YANBU.

Surroundedbyfools · 29/06/2025 14:48

My toddlers can be a bit unruly so if they had done this I would have apologised profusely and bought u another however if you really did “shriek” I would think you were being a ridiculous. Ur an adult not a child so shouldn’t be shrieking unless you were physically hurt

funinthesun19 · 29/06/2025 14:48

ChekhovsMum · 29/06/2025 14:35

A classic example of the facts being true but your delivery just being really, really mumsnetty.
Humiliating someone in front of their children/calling their parenting poor is the nuclear option. I think you should leave yourself some headroom.

I completely agree with all of this.

Ewock · 29/06/2025 14:42

ChekhovsMum · 29/06/2025 14:35

A classic example of the facts being true but your delivery just being really, really mumsnetty.
Humiliating someone in front of their children/calling their parenting poor is the nuclear option. I think you should leave yourself some headroom.

Humiliating. Wow now that is dramatic

Beeinalily · 29/06/2025 14:40

So the child misbehaved and then got to share the pastry with her mum as a reward - she really is mother of the year!

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 29/06/2025 14:39

Supergirl1958 · 29/06/2025 14:30

I’m not disputing that, read through my replies! I would willingly have offered to pay for another pastry for the OP!
You had a go at me for blowing things out of proportion, I’m merely stating that those calling the child out for ‘gobbing’ on the OPs food definitely are!!

I didn't have a go at you for blowing it out of proportion!