Asking a child’s mother to pay for replacement pastry?!

Shrieking is not an involuntary reaction! It is not a reflex response to stimuli, such as accidentally putting your hand on a hot stove and quickly removing it. Shrieking as a response to a small child touching your pastry is completely over the top and dramatic. Goodness knows how people cope with difficult or stressful situations when an innocuous situation leads to such pearl clutching and drama.

I do, what about my post suggests that I don’t. It was making a loud enough point so cafe staff had to get involved that made it not discrete.

mate, we don’t agree. That much is clear! Now go annoy someone else on this post, or enjoy the rest of your Sunday!

Op’s initial reaction was involuntary. How do you not get that?

Speaking to her is fine. The OP was not discrete! She clearly raised the point loudly as she shrieked and staff from the establishment had to get involved!

It is humiliating for a parent to be pulled up on their parenting in public by a stranger. I think people are on a hiding to nothing if they believe their intervention will change the behaviour of another parent. In this example, the fact that the mother didn't offer to pay is evidence that intervention would be pointless.

@MaybeBabyMaybeNo
No, my comment wasn’t random or at least the thought behind it wasn’t.
You just didn’t understand what I meant — it was a quick reply and I admit I probably didn’t make my point clearly enough at the time, that’s my fault.
I did try afterwards but I think you’re not listening anymore 🤷‍♀️
Anyhow, this is all a bit pointless.

Damn not damp 😆

So again parent does sufficiently deal with her child, she thinks it's ok for her child to grab others people's food. Yet speaking to her about this is humiliating her! No wonder children do not respect adults when parents dont give a damp and people excuse them.like this.

The mother not offering to buy you a replacement pastry is as bad as her not supervising her child. However, I would have offered the 'contaminated' pastry to the mother and bought myself another, not because I can't cope with conflict but because I don't like seeing people humiliated in public.

Ew gross. Sorry you had a run in with one of the "kids will be kids" lot, they mean "my kids will behave awfully but I don't care/think it's normal for some reason". Well done for standing up for yourself and saving the café from having to make it right.

You're my new hero.

Well done for standing up for yourself and refusing to play nicey nicey.

No one will ever know! But I love how wonderful the world is that we beg to differ! It’s a wonderful thing!

Where did I say she shouted? I said she should have been more discrete. The OP literally admits she shrieked! She called the woman out enough that it drew attention to the situation and staff from the cafe got involved. Therefore she was clearly not discrete! There is a difference between being discrete and whispering!

I love that you’re still going. Nah, mate. You replied to a post about assertiveness vs passivity with a random comment about OP mislabelling her own behaviour. You went on a side quest, got called on it, then wrote a novella.

You didn’t disagree with @ByMerryTiger about OP’s behaviour being justified. You literally said it was “fine and probably justified.” Your comment was about whether “shrieking” counts as polite.

And your summary of her point was wrong. She didn’t say people stayed quiet because of politeness. She said they stay quiet, then claim it was because of politeness afterwards.

With that sort of dozy, inconsiderate mother, do you think OP would have got anywhere by being gentle and quiet?

Well done OP.

Whaaat? I’m with OP one hundred per cent.

No wonder children think they can do anything that fancy.

She didn’t shout at the woman. What did you want her to do, whisper?

YANBU but I’m sure you will be featuring in the anecdote about the hysterical woman in the bakery

As I have said multiple times. She should have been more discrete! Don’t be so dramatic! You ought to write books you have such a way with words!

So what was OP supposed to eat, eat the germ ridden saliva specked pastry so as to not disturb this random woman?

I apologise for that, it's hotter than Satan's armpit and I'm being grumpy - sorry

Yes, it's a redundant point. As we literally only ever have one side of the story. The same is true of every thread on here. What's even more redundant is you saying 'it was probably the equivalent of a nervous laugh.' You weren't there.

I am also a parent of 2 young kids and I have never let them treat places like cafes as a play space. They are not allowed to just touch what they like. And if they put their hands on someone elses food I would not be dismissing it with a 'kids will be kids,' I would replace it as it was my fault I didn't supervise my child properly.

Then she shouldn't let her child run around putting their hands on other people's food. That is absolutely disgusting. If she thinks it's ok to let her child do that then the co sequences on her. Parent properly

@WickWood

eeeeeew! Do you normally eat at strangers saliva?

@ByMerryTiger
@MaybeBabyMaybeNo

Oh for heaven’s sake 😂
Okay, to explain again…

@ByMerryTiger said, in reply to a pp describing OP’s behaviour as confrontational,
“She didn’t just wander up to a stranger and start shouting, did she?
If someone’s parenting is affecting you, and they’ve brushed it off when you raised it, then pointing it out and demanding they sort it isn’t some societal breakdown. It’s entirely reasonable. The fact you recoil from that, and would rather everyone bottle it up then post later on Mumsnet about how they were too polite to say anything, is exactly the mindset I’m questioning. It must be soul crushing, being that passive all the time.”

Her comment supported the OP’s actions as justified. Not only that, she said people who didn’t demand the incident was sorted in the manner OP had, and instead remained quiet at the time because of politeness, were much too passive.

I too think it was fine for OP to ask for a replacement pastry. However, I don’t agree with the way @ByMerryTiger condones OP’s behaviour as I think her attitude was over the top. I was especially taken aback when OP described herself as behaving politely. It speaks to a lack of insight into her own behaviour.

I was trying to convey that when I replied with
“Shrieking and then insisting on a replacement pastry, while fine and probably justified, is not usually the type of behaviour described as ‘polite’ though (OP described her interaction with the mother as such).”

Obviously I should have been clearer.
I was disagreeing with @ByMerryTiger that OP’s attitude or manner was okay, though getting a replacement pastry was fine.
I thought it particularly ironic that OP described her behaviour as ‘polite’ while @ByMerryTiger portrayed the exact opposite sort of behaviour as being too passive and polite.

So I do think what I said was relevant, even if it seems it wasn’t especially clear 😅

You can send me that link if you want @ByMerryTiger, the thread sounds interesting.