Asking a child’s mother to pay for replacement pastry?!

I thought that too!

Yes, that's true. Also I'd like to know what type of made up pastry it was in the made up story.

Since the cafe offered to replace it I think you should have left it at that and not caused an unpleasant scene.

She said it wasn’t a toddler.

if your child ruins someone’s food or any other item - you pay for it. It really is that simple

there was no need to be judgmental sayidn they should eat ‘junk’. It says a lot about you that you have twisted this to the fact the mother did nothing wrong but the op shouldn’t let sugar past her lips? Very weird.

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According to your opening post you told the mother what happened was a result of her poor parenting.
That doesn’t sound terribly polite!

Shrieking? It an over reaction and total attention seeking behaviour on your part.

Really? I think it’s quite a common reaction to let out a little shriek when something unexpected happens. I did yesterday when I was engrossed in what I was doing and a ball suddenly bounced in front of me. I shrieked as I was surprised then picked up the ball tossed it back to my neighbours grandson, laughed and said he made me jump, he said sorry, he carried on playing and I carried on with what I was doing.

I don’t think OP was at all unreasonable.

But in OP’s made up story she wouldn’t have been able to go on her public tirade about poor parenting if the mother hadn’t brushed it off!

Its not the child touching something that makes her a bad parent, it's the lack of shits she gave about it! The decent thing would be to apologise and offer to pay for a replacement.

I don't get what's so difficult for people to understand about that, but I suspect it's the OP's use of the word 'shriek'. Whether you think that's an over reaction or not doesn't detract from the fact that the mother wasn't even bothered (so I highly doubt she'd be humiliated as implied by quote a few).

There are on shelves with a plastic slide door for each type of pastry or roll now! In mine anyway 😀

I agree, almost nothing really happens anymore. It's getting very tiresome.

Although I do shriek at pastries, I thought that was normal? Aibu?

YANBU.

i hope you got your pastry fix and that the bakery didn’t give any away for free

This is the sort of thing my toddler would do and i have eyes on her like a hawk. Some kids find it hard to listen at a young age and they are constantly exploring. I dont think its the mums fault, and i would have just asked the staff for another or....taken it as a good opportunity to go without some junk.

give that mum a break. Im sure she isnt a bad parent because her child touched your pastry. PLEASE!

I would not have handled it as you did. It was immature

Shrieking? It an over reaction and total attention seeking behaviour on your part. This would have got my back up as a Mum. Also you critiquing my parenting wouldn’t have gone down well after you had ensured all eyes were on you.

If it were me I would have waited until they were seated and calm and gone over and given the Mum the pastry after buying a replacement and said “look I know how hard it is being a Mum and having your eyes on a million places. Your daughter had her hands on her mouth and grabbed my pastry earlier. She may as well have it now. In future maybe keep a closer eye on her in restaurants as I know some idiots would shriek and make a whole scene. Have a good one - she’s very cute

You would make your point, maybe envoke a bit of change in the Mum and do it all with kindness and graciousness. Ever heard the saying “you will attract more bees with honey”?

I was in a cafe recently with four children under 6. One of whom is just turned two and a 5 week old. The food took about 45 minutes and all I had ordered was one large fry for the kids and a salad! After the food came they were loosing it. Fighting over a piece of drawing paper, a jug of milk spilt on the floor, greasy ketchup hands and at that exact moment the toddler needed a nappy change and the baby woke for a feed. It was so hard! There was a table of young people beside me and one looked and smiled and said “you are a hero. And your doing so well”
another women came over and bought three ice creams for my older three as I was BF the baby.

I have never been so glad for some support and help. Kids are dicks at times and it is harder than most people remember. Cafes being a particularly stressful environment. Try and cut people just a bit of slack sometimes

And quit “shrieking” at anyone!

It is NOT bratty behaviour for a toddler to want to touch things, it is developmentally normal behaviour. This child is clearly very young if he’s still at the hands-in-mouth stage. Ideally the mum would have prevented it, but it only takes a 2 second lapse of concentration.

Thats assuming this is all real anyway. Frankly it reads like a poor AI written play.

Unfortunately that is just what children do. Even the best parents in the world may miss a child doing this at some stage. When I was a baby, I used to poke my fingers into cakes at birthday parties all the time, much to the dismay of my mother. But it’s innocent really isn’t it. I eventually stopped doing this.

I really don’t think it’s the end of the world though, and I think context is important too. If that’s all the child is doing that constitutes bad behaviour / parenting, then I think that’s somewhat extreme…

But if the mum seemed to think it was fine and dismiss the situation OP had to then go on to tell her that, no, it wasn’t okay, and it was down to the poor parenting that she now needed to buy her a replacement. OP handled this situation just fine.

If my child had grabbed the pastry, because yes, kids will be kids and sometimes even with good parenting they’re fast! I’d have immediately said “oh gosh, I’m so sorry, let me buy you a new one”. So OP hopefully wouldn’t have had to go on to say it was because of poor parenting on my part.

I wouldn’t have eaten it but I probably would have moved my tray away from the child as soon as I saw them behaving that way.

I also wouldn’t have asked the parent to pay, I know that’s wimpy (I am). If it was a chain I would have asked the staff if they would replace. Maybe not the “right” response but I couldn’t tell the parent to pay, I would be too afraid.

This. I could be described as shrieking every time my dog goes to eat something she shouldn’t - it’s just a noise of shock sounding like “wah” to get her attention and that I can articulate quicker than my brain can form words.

I’d probably do exactly the same in this scenario, a sound of shock designed to stop the kid touching my stuff, but probably a bit too late to be effective.

Jesus.

Yes they touch things they shouldn't. The decent reaction from a decent parent and human would be an apology and the offer to buy a replacement. Only a deeply unpleasant person wouldn't give a shit.

I doubt the OP meant she screamed for her life.

So you think it's great parenting for your child to stick their fingers in someone else's food they've just bought because you weren't keeping an eye on them?

To be fair, if it was me, I don’t think I would have shrieked, but had I of noticed, I’m not sure how I would’ve responded. I think I’d of felt too awkward and embarrassed to ask them to pay for a new one. I like to imagine myself saying excuse me, sorry your child has just poked my pastry…

YANBU. That mother is ridiculous! How unhygienic and expecting you to be fine with that is poor as well.

and everyone stood up and cheered
🙄

There’s nothing to suggest the child wasn’t supervised. A kid can’t be chain in a pram until they are a teenager. The toddler was standing beside their parent.
The child was touching chairs and glass cabinets, hardly “all the food”.