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Original poster

Household chores.

35 replies

Jessiep23 · 28/06/2025 22:26

I have a question…..
You are a SAHM not by choice but had to stop working your part time job due to your ASD/ADHD child being unable to cope in school and going into a reduced timetable and you are driving back and forth to school daily 20 miles away.

The husband leaves home at 6.45am and returns at 5pm he loves his job, it can be physical but not too bad generally.

Who should do the lions share of the housework? I do 95% of it, he will load dishwasher after dinner and he does the garden and puts the bins out once a week and cooks once a week THAT IS IT!

I’m exhausted, burnt out and struggling! Advocating for a SEN child is hard.

I tell him how I’m feeling and he says ‘but you are not working’

I’ve said about having some time for myself to start a hobby and he said where is my time 😡.

I’m really questioning things at the moment.

Thanks 🙏🏻

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 28/06/2025 22:52

I would be using that 1.5 hours every day to do something I liked. A walk, an exercise class if possible, brunch, meet a friend etc

gamerchick · 28/06/2025 22:49

And everything else. Yanno to prove how easy it is.

gamerchick · 28/06/2025 22:49

He needs to walk a mile in your shoes. When does he do AL? He needs to do the school run for a few days.

Original poster
Jessiep23 · 28/06/2025 22:47

NuffSaidSam · 28/06/2025 22:34

You should both work 6:45am-5pm in your respective 'jobs'. Anything that's left after that should be shared out equally. You should both get the same amount of free time.

How much time do you have at home sans child once you've allowed for the school run? How much time do you have to actually do stuff in the house?

Time in school is 1.5 hours, drive there is 30 minutes there and 30 minutes home. I don’t come home whilst child in school as not worth it. Rest of the time they are home with me.

In the evening he will do the dishwasher, bring up washing- won’t put it away and put the kids to bed! He won’t see or do anything else. He said ‘I have all day to do it’

OP posts:
Zonder · 28/06/2025 22:46

Block time to go and do something for yourself when he is around. It doesn't have to be a hobby. It could be an hour in a cafe with a nice drink and a book, or a swim. Tell him you're busy in that slot and he's parenting then.

Original poster
Jessiep23 · 28/06/2025 22:44

gamerchick · 28/06/2025 22:30

What hobby do you want to do?

Don't ask, tell him that you're having x amount of time out of the house and he's doing the parenting. If he protests then tell him fine, let's see what splitting up looks like and you'll get child support and full weekends free.

Or if you want to go full on, tell him you're leaving him with the bairn and you'll get every other weekend, work and pay CM.

Advocate for yourself because you can't do it all or you'll burn out.

He will parent and put the kids to bed etc, then he’ll just sit down on his phone.

I’m not sure about a hobby, but I don’t do anything for myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jessiep23 · 28/06/2025 22:43

Upsetbetty · 28/06/2025 22:34

So how many hours per day is your dc in school?

1.5 hours per day! I wait at school as not worth the drive home as will be time to come back once I got home.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 28/06/2025 22:34

You should both work 6:45am-5pm in your respective 'jobs'. Anything that's left after that should be shared out equally. You should both get the same amount of free time.

How much time do you have at home sans child once you've allowed for the school run? How much time do you have to actually do stuff in the house?

Upsetbetty · 28/06/2025 22:34

So how many hours per day is your dc in school?

gamerchick · 28/06/2025 22:30

What hobby do you want to do?

Don't ask, tell him that you're having x amount of time out of the house and he's doing the parenting. If he protests then tell him fine, let's see what splitting up looks like and you'll get child support and full weekends free.

Or if you want to go full on, tell him you're leaving him with the bairn and you'll get every other weekend, work and pay CM.

Advocate for yourself because you can't do it all or you'll burn out.

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