Colleague suggested meeting up then ghosting me??

I wouldn’t reply. She’ll just do the same thing again.

She could have been hit by a bus.

She could have just been being nice

She could be flakey or fake

She could have a close family relative been hurt in an accident or died or is in hospital and her attention is diverted.

Whatever the reason, it doesnt matter, it makes no difference, its not your fault, its all on her. Stop overthinking it. Don't contact her again. Move on

Social interactions are simply a " pass the ball" situation
She passed it to you -may be as a politeness or she was thinking you can help her onto the ladder work wise
You passed it back
The ball is in her court now
Don't chase, think badly of her or yourself
Just drop it

All this blue tick/ ghosting drama is way ott

Just leave it and concentrate on other friendships, never chase people

I know someone like that. I just didn't bother anymore. She was a former neighbour and would message every so often suggesting a meet-up. If I gave any dates then she would just not read the message (but be online) so I didn't get the blue ticks. She would then pop up again a few months later.

I had similar with an ex-colleague I used to lunch with a few times a week. I left and we messaged occasionally. Since she has twice suggested coffee out and both times she didn't show up and wouldn't respond to messages or calls and later texted that she forgot, was too ill etc! 😂 I decided to just forget about her... some people are just not worth the effort. It was a shame as I had enjoyed her company too. Just spend time with people who treat you well x

As others have suggested my first thought was that she was perhaps unhappy at work and thought about contacting you to see if you could be of use to her re you perhaps putting in a good word for her and then moving to your place of work? Circumstances may then have changed and she may not have needed you any more.

Not very nice for you I know but people can be such users.

Either she didn’t know how to end the chat as in ‘Bye forever!’ so thought she’d add a throwaway coffee invitation or she didn’t mean meeting up so soon and is backing off. Some peopl are just weird op. I mean, what’s the harm in a coffee? Don’t send any more texts.

Final thought....it's not our job to imagine what is going on in people's minds or lives. If they say then we'll know. If they don't. It not our problem. We're not mind readers. Communication is easy. Even if it is to say sorry I haven't been in touch but hopefully we'll catch up soon. Trust all is well with you. It's called emotional intelligence.

Well we don't actually know that but the fact she left you feeling like this is enough to never talk to her again. You're trying to take some responsibility for her bad behaviour. At least you are self aware but she's not. Who needs friends like that!

Maybe something dire has happened that is taking up all her head space. It happens sometimes. But I don’t think it happens frequently enough to account for the many, many posts like yours.

People come on these threads to say they have been the ghoster because they are so busy, sometimes typing out paragraphs. So they have time to share that information with a load of strangers but don’t have time to text a friend. 🙄

People make time for the things they are invested in. If they don’t have time to reply to friends during the week, they make time to check for any forgotten texts at the weekend and reply. Otherwise busy people would have no friends at all.

I can see why you’re annoyed as the way she phrased suggesting coffee did seem she was invested in maintaining a friendship with you. You may have fallen foul of what often happens to ex work friends - a combination of out of sight, out of mind plus realising that there is little common ground once you don’t work together.

She might come back to you at some point with a valid reason for her silence but, for now, put it out of your mind.

Absolutely 💯 you said it better than me :-)

I think people giving the benefit of doubt is just making excuses for them. You're right. She's a shitty person. Don't let her live rent free in your head for another moment. Gut instincts never lie.

I was going to say exactly what the poster above me. She was being nosey. If you had said everything was going terribly- as a misery vampire she would have loved to meet up with you. Because stuff is going well she lost interest straight away.

I’m suggesting she has considered asking you - over coffee - where you looked for other jobs, interview technique, expected salary. She’s not sure whether to stay where she is or jump ship.
I see your point Harker.

People just love being nosey. Maybe she thought that she'd learn something that would make her feel better about herself and she could go back to the office and feel important because she knew something that nobody else knows to be popular.. I absolutely know work culture and they are not true friends. Even if you got on at work. It's a conflict of interest. Rarely lasts as a friendship. Trust your gut instincts. If it doesn't feel right. It's not.

You don't know her very well. You have no idea what's going on her life. Give her the benefit of the doubt.

One of best uni friends for over 30 years, got in touch after 7years of us not talking. We bottomed a few things out but she only really came back for closure. She thought she'd stopped talking to me first! Anyway......I text her and she wouldn't hurry to get back to me. Next time we spoke she tried to justify it by saying, that's what I'm like with everyone. If it's an emergency I'll get back to you asap otherwise within three days. I said if it's an emergency I can call 999! You know the ending 🤣

She might have ghosted because she’s unsure of what to do. In other words the contact was to use you.
@ Harker, why shouldn’t she be trusted? What does she have to gain? Maybe I’m naive here.

If that was the case she could have just said. I think she's a nosey parker and not to be trusted. Don't put up from women what you wouldn't put up with from men.