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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I need a break from my life

37 replies

catspyjamas1 · 28/06/2025 20:39

I (F) have a month or so weeks between jobs. The last two years has been stressful for me and my notice period (3 months) ends late July.

I received an offer yesterday for a new job. I have told them I can start in Sept. so I can have a few weeks off.

I want to take a few days to myself abroad.

BF (M, 11+ years) and I don't live together. No kids, no shared finances etc.

In the first few years of our relationship, I travelled a bit on my own and it didn't go down well, but I went and he accepted it fine but it did cause upset.

Its been a long time that I have wanted to just be alone in a foreign country by myself.

He is taking this very personally.

I just want a break from my life. I don't want to be at home, I don't want to feed the cat (he'll be looked after), I don't want to think about everyday mundane life like paying my mortgage, bills etc., and I don't want to be around ANYONE I know for a few days. It's not personal (i.e. about him / our relationship!)

I want to checkout, go to a beach, sleep well, get some sun, indulge yoga, and read books. I can afford to do it really well and enjoy my solo time away from my life in the UK.

I'm struggling to understand why this is an issue.

AIBU?

OP posts:
BMW6 · 28/06/2025 20:59

What exactly is his problem with it?

TomatoSandwiches · 28/06/2025 20:54

Does he tell you why he doesn't like you going on holiday alone?

rockstuckhardplace · 28/06/2025 20:53

With no kids and no shared finances? Heck yes!

If it caused issues before and is causing that same issue again, it could be the start of the end of your relationship though.

Original poster
catspyjamas1 · 28/06/2025 20:52

tryingtobesogood this is my second ever Mumsnet post and not clear if I'm replying to you.

No, he's not controlling at all. We live (happily) separately and no interest either side to change that. We're 100% independent apart from the weekly grocery shop I took over to get him eat a bit more healthy ( that he pays every week).

Pls let me know if my reply to you worked?

OP posts:
StrawberryCheesecake8 · 28/06/2025 20:51

Is he an extrovert? I lean more towards being an introvert and I can completely understand why you’d want solitude and peace. I have friends who are extroverts and would absolutely hate it and could not fathom this as an ideal trip.

I find being around others quite mentally draining regardless of how close we are/ how much I like them. The only person I never feel like that around is my DH and he feels the same way but equally, we would both understand if the other wanted some alone time. I suspect my more extroverted friends would have the same reaction as your DH if their OH wanted a trip alone.

Newfrownlines · 28/06/2025 20:50

There's a bigger picture here, op. Yadnbu.

But here's a red flag ⛳I know you're 11 years down the line, but it's not okay that he's limiting your freedom in any way

Galectable · 28/06/2025 20:50

It's hard dealing with that kind of insecure jealousy and/or feelings of rejection. Your break sounds blissful. You may be an introvert, if that's what you are craving. It sounds like he doesn't understand you very well? You could try to explain in writing. That may get past his feelings of rejection/abandonment which are blocking his brain. Otherwise I'd be making plans to end the relationship.

TomatoSandwiches · 28/06/2025 20:49

catspyjamas1 · 28/06/2025 20:44

Should I worry he won't get over it??

That's HIS problem, you can and should go.
You need to consider if this male is a healthy person for you to be connected to.
He sounds controlling and like he uses emotional blackmail and stonewalling to try and punish you.

tryingtobesogood · 28/06/2025 20:45

Yes, because it’s a problem he has when you don’t do what he wants.

Is he controlling in other ways.

Original poster
catspyjamas1 · 28/06/2025 20:44

Should I worry he won't get over it??

OP posts:
YesButNoButMayybee · 28/06/2025 20:42

As above.

tryingtobesogood · 28/06/2025 20:40

It’s not an issue. He will either get over it or he won’t.