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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House trashed whilst I was at work

135 replies

Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 20:37

Just want to know what you would do in my situation.
A relative of mine (with mental health concerns) came to my house uninvited and smashed my window in an attempt to get in.
He also destroyed lots of other items in my garden and house.

He's done at least £1000 worth of damage.
I'm torn.
Am I being unreasonable to report them to the police for criminal damage so I can go through my insurance and claim?

Or do I pretend I have no idea how the damage happened.

The relative doesn't have a pot to p**s in. So no point asking them to fix it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 21:13

FionnulaTheCooler · 28/06/2025 21:09

Arrest him and lock him up so he can be charged with what he's done? Isn't that their job to deal with people who commit crimes?

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It's a very he said she said situation tho surely?
Maybe your police are better than in my area but from previous experience the police round here won't even come out unfortunately.
My car was vandalised previously and they wouldn't come out just gave me a crime reference number

OP posts:
Gliblet · 28/06/2025 21:11

If they just think it's a bit of vandalism the police might not investigate but if you call and report it as concern for your relative being a danger to others - which they absolutely are if they're acting like this - the police can detain them for a psychiatric evaluation.

Redglitter · 28/06/2025 21:10

Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 20:56

I was thinking of just telling the police that I was out (which I was) and don't know who it was.
The only reason I know is because my neighbour confronted him.

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Well presumably your neighbour will tell them too. Don't get info bother by lying

CaptainMyCaptain · 28/06/2025 21:10

Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 21:08

I really doubt the police will investigate tbh

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I've had PCSOs round going house to house in similar circumstances. It would be a waste of their time if the OP knows who it was.

FionnulaTheCooler · 28/06/2025 21:09

Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 21:01

What do you think the police will do?

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Arrest him and lock him up so he can be charged with what he's done? Isn't that their job to deal with people who commit crimes?

Original poster
Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 21:08

CaptainMyCaptain · 28/06/2025 21:06

Well that would be lying and might involve the police in a fruitless investigation.

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I really doubt the police will investigate tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 21:06

TwoFastHorses · 28/06/2025 21:04

If you intend to make an insurance claim you will likely need a crime reference number from the Police for the Ins Company.

This is the only reason I would report it.
I'm not out to cause trouble.
Me blocking them and cutting them out my life is enough revenge for me.

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 28/06/2025 21:06

RosesAndHellebores · 28/06/2025 20:42

Can you report the damage to the police and leave it at that without disclosing who did it?

Well that would be lying and might involve the police in a fruitless investigation.

RockyRogue1001 · 28/06/2025 21:05

I love MN. I really do.
But it's very b+w. There's no shades of grey. It's not good at nuance.
Especially AIBU.

You'll get a YES/NO answer.

If there are shades of grey, think before you move forward.

FWIT, I'd call the police for the OP as you've posed it.

Silvertulips · 28/06/2025 21:04

What would the police do? Report him to agencies who could help him.

If the police speak to your neighbours they will say they told you - just be honest

TwoFastHorses · 28/06/2025 21:04

If you intend to make an insurance claim you will likely need a crime reference number from the Police for the Ins Company.

Isobel201 · 28/06/2025 21:04

Depends if he's got a criminal record already really, they might just caution him.

Original poster
Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 21:04

FairFuming · 28/06/2025 21:00

You can't lie, it could get you into trouble. Tbh if he's able to do that to you then god only knows what he might do next so you need to make the police aware

I'm still shocked this has even happened. I can't believe a relative would smash my window in and wreck my house.
To be honest I'm done pandering to people that clearly have no morals.
I still havnt even got an apology...

OP posts:
Alwaysbackagain · 28/06/2025 21:03

Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 20:56

I was thinking of just telling the police that I was out (which I was) and don't know who it was.
The only reason I know is because my neighbour confronted him.

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If you do report it and pretend you dont know who did it the police will probably ask if anyone, including your neighbours, saw what happened.
So then you would be having to lie about your neighbour not only seeing what happened but actually intervening.
So if you are going to report it - which you should- its much better to be honest and tell the police who actually did it.

Original poster
Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 21:01

HowardTJMoon · 28/06/2025 20:57

Your relative made a life-changing decision by breaking in to your home and damaging it. Your choice is whether you wish to be complicit in covering up that criminal act or not.

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What do you think the police will do?

OP posts:
FairFuming · 28/06/2025 21:00

You can't lie, it could get you into trouble. Tbh if he's able to do that to you then god only knows what he might do next so you need to make the police aware

Givenupshopping · 28/06/2025 21:00

If you report it to the police and they bother to come round, they may just speak to your neighbour to see if they saw or heard anything, so I think you should be honest, otherwise you might end up getting yourself in trouble OP.

Original poster
Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 20:59

Swimswans · 28/06/2025 20:53

Why would you not report this?
It doesnt help your family member to pretend you dont know. You would be enabling them.
Plus they'll do it again, or worse.

To be honest I have no idea why I'm so reluctant to call the police.
I was absolutely fuming and angry when I first found out but now I've calmed down I doubt the police will even do anything about it

OP posts:
HowardTJMoon · 28/06/2025 20:57

Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 20:54

This is what I'm thinking.
I slept on it but still can't decide as I don't want to make a life changing decision

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Your relative made a life-changing decision by breaking in to your home and damaging it. Your choice is whether you wish to be complicit in covering up that criminal act or not.

Original poster
Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 20:56

RosesAndHellebores · 28/06/2025 20:42

Can you report the damage to the police and leave it at that without disclosing who did it?

I was thinking of just telling the police that I was out (which I was) and don't know who it was.
The only reason I know is because my neighbour confronted him.

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 28/06/2025 20:55

Yes, call the police.

Original poster
Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 20:54

DuckieDodgyHedgyPiggy · 28/06/2025 20:40

I would report him. People have to take responsibility for their actions. Sometimes they have to hit rock bottom before they can start to climb up, and this could help him in the long run.

This is what I'm thinking.
I slept on it but still can't decide as I don't want to make a life changing decision

OP posts:
Swimswans · 28/06/2025 20:53

Why would you not report this?
It doesnt help your family member to pretend you dont know. You would be enabling them.
Plus they'll do it again, or worse.

Original poster
Monkey987 · 28/06/2025 20:53

Gymmum82 · 28/06/2025 20:40

I’d absolutely call the police. I wouldn’t want anything to do with them after that

I've fully blocked them. I'm done with the madness.
I've been trying to help him for years and the message is clearly not going in :-(

OP posts:
Stripeyanddotty · 28/06/2025 20:45

I’d report it. He sounds as if he is a danger to himself and others.